Holy, Faith, Mercenary, Church, Unusual Magic-Eye Prayer Rug

Several of my friends and ac­quain­tances have re­ceived the fol­low­ing in their re­spec­tive mail­box­es. I on­ly wish I could get one sent to my ad­dress as well. Beware, past the jump is an ex­am­ple of what can hap­pen to re­li­gion when it be­comes in­fect­ed by The Stupid™. Actually, it is a scam, which should be ob­vi­ous to any­one who looks at the damn thing. Except for peo­ple in­fect­ed with The Stupid™.

Business Reply Mail Envelope Front

A pret­ty stan­dard BRE, apart from the GIANT let­ters that on­ly make sense when I’m drunk on Stoli.

Business Reply Mail Envelope Back

A trite mes­sage of hope on the en­ve­lope flap.

Page 1 of the scam

Now we get to the fun­ny parts. This let­ter reads like those “African Republic” spams, but it al­so re­plete with il­log­i­cal and seem­ing­ly ran­dom bold­ing, ram­pant un­der­lin­ing, non­sen­si­cal sen­tence struc­ture, mis­quot­ed scrip­ture and su­per­mun­dane in­for­ma­tion pre­sent­ed as fas­ci­nat­ing ma­te­r­i­al. The fun­ni­est parts to me are when­ev­er the prayer rug is men­tioned. It is al­ways ac­com­pa­nied by nev­er re­peat­ing strings of mod­i­fiers and ad­jec­tives.

Page 2 of the scam

Now the scam shows its teeth. Simply check­ing a box and send­ing some cash to St. Matthew’s Churches will solve all your fi­nan­cial prob­lems! Yeah, that makes TONS of sense.

Front of the Flyer

They are pre­pared for skep­tics like me though. They have tes­ti­mo­ni­als giv­en by racial­ly am­bigu­ous peo­ple from the ear­ly 1980s!

Back of the Flyer

I’m im­pressed by the re­spon­si­bil­i­ty of these peo­ple, who know their debt down to the last pen­ny. I’m sure they’d nev­er fall for a snail mail scam like this one.

Magic Eye Holy Prayer Yo Mama Rug

Worst Magic Eye Ever. If you look close­ly at his right eye, you can pret­ty much see the open one im­me­di­ate­ly. And I can nev­er do Magic Eye Puzzles. Besides, Christ has the fur-cov­ered, chin­less, megacra­nial head of a hy­dro­cephal­ic.

Back of Rug

Yup. Whatever you say.

One thought on “Holy, Faith, Mercenary, Church, Unusual Magic-Eye Prayer Rug

  1. If God has any­thing to do with it.
    1. You don’t need a prayer rug. You can just pray.
    2. You don’t need any­one to pipe an­swers to prayer to you. If nec­es­sary God will send and an­gel or two to take care of the mat­ter.

    I got one of these the oth­er day and find it to be about the cheap­est trick I have yet seen played in the name of the gospel. It’s not even good hokum. At least most of the peo­ple in­to this sort of thing give you some pret­ty good the­ater on TV or ra­dio; yell Bam, Bam, Bam while you watch the par­a­lyzed hand un-clench. It’s a pret­ty good show for 10 bucks. But this is not even signed by some­one just the broth­ers and sis­ter of St. Matthew’s. What do want to bet not of­fi­cial­ly sanc­tion by the rec­og­nized church lead­er­ship so you can’t legal­ly ac­cuse the church of fraud. If you get tak­en by some­thing this bad turn your­self in­to some nice place were they take care of the in­com­pe­tent.

    Sandy Almond

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