Comments on: III—The Valiant

By: Organic/Mechanic Permalink » Dictum

Organic/Mechanic Permalink » Dictum — Fri, 10 Nov 2006 15:17:52 +0000

[...] •Starting easy: A title change, now Reveille. •Tightened up Cartography. •Grammatical fixes and less active wording in Oubliette. •Reformatted Crash and somehow fouled up the font size throughout my entire site? Stupid pre tag. Stupid autoadjusting text-size IE browser. What a waste of time. • Significant revisions to The Valiant. [...]

By: SnogAsh

SnogAsh — Fri, 13 Oct 2006 15:22:59 +0000

God…I had the same thought concerning the Kookaburras as PTB. How did we spend three years tearing apart people’s writing from opposite corners to end up all peaceful and lovey dovey?

Anyway, I think you’re right that this poem needs to go somewhere else. Maybe sit on it for a bit or write a few sentences elucidating what you’d like it to say before working it out within the poem.

Good work.

By: Adam Harvey

Adam Harvey — Fri, 13 Oct 2006 14:04:25 +0000

Dudeman, I’m a workshopping whore. The more opinions I get the better. I’m stubborn enough to ignore them all if I think I should.

I think the Kookaburras are bad because they too obviously act as a symbol for something and that is lame.

By: part-time buddha

part-time buddha — Fri, 13 Oct 2006 13:54:03 +0000

I’m never one to not throw about an opinion about someone else’s poetry. So here it is:

This is a really good poem. But the Kookaburras (symbolic of nature (organic/mechanic?) don’t seem to fit. Maybe they’re sort of left hanging – no elaboration, that that particualr section carries less imagery than the others and is therefore not coming across as strongly.

And keep in mind you can always tell me to shut the fuck up. I might even listen.