Vehicular Homicide

It was almost death by vehic­u­lar homi­cide this morn­ing on the way to work. I was cut-off almost side-swiped by a bumper-stick­er rib­bon-mag­net engulfed old-school Chevro­let Sub­ur­ban. Only my light­ning reflex­es and good brakes saved me from being sar­dined into the medi­an wall. Since I was only the dis­tance to the front of my car from the bumper of the offend­er I had a per­fect view to read some of the stick­ers which includ­ed [I kid not]:

• In case of Rap­ture this car will be unmanned.
— Based on the driver’s skill, for a brief moment I thought that the Rap­ture had actu­al­ly hap­pened.

• God is my co-pilot.
— Yeah, sure. And Satan rides shot­gun with me. [which is actu­al­ly anoth­er bumper stick­er]

• God Pro­vides.
— And if he doesn’t I’ll run you over in my Giant Truck™!

• Prac­tice Ran­dom Acts of Kind­ness and Sense­less Acts of Beau­ty.
— She had the Ran­dom and Sense­less down…

• Sup­port Our Troops.
— By dri­ving a 30-year old vehi­cle that could only pass an eCheck with divine inter­ven­tion.

After she passed the semi, going about 2 mph faster than it [˜67mph], I man­aged to pass her. I didn’t flip her off though, that would have been unChris­t­ian.

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