Vehicular Homicide

It was almost death by vehicular homicide this morning on the way to work. I was cut-off almost side-swiped by a bumper-sticker ribbon-magnet engulfed old-school Chevrolet Suburban. Only my lightning reflexes and good brakes saved me from being sardined into the median wall. Since I was only the distance to the front of my car from the bumper of the offender I had a perfect view to read some of the stickers which included [I kid not]:

• In case of Rapture this car will be unmanned.
– Based on the driver’s skill, for a brief moment I thought that the Rapture had actually happened.

• God is my co-pilot.
– Yeah, sure. And Satan rides shotgun with me. [which is actually another bumper sticker]

• God Provides.
– And if he doesn’t I’ll run you over in my Giant Truck™!

• Practice Random Acts of Kindness and Senseless Acts of Beauty.
– She had the Random and Senseless down…

• Support Our Troops.
– By driving a 30-year old vehicle that could only pass an eCheck with divine intervention.

After she passed the semi, going about 2 mph faster than it [˜67mph], I managed to pass her. I didn’t flip her off though, that would have been unChristian.

10 thoughts on “Vehicular Homicide

  1. Last year I got cut off by a driver in a grey Honda Element with a bumper sticker that read: Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly.

  2. I once had an incident with someone behaving contrarily to the ‘Random Acts of Kindness’ on her bumper sticker. However, I am not Christian, so I had no problem whatsoever with flipping her off. And stomping on the back bumper of her beat-up car. And screaming choicely and carefully constructed opinions about her behavior, bumper-sticker, and hairstyle.

    Glad to hear you survived. Death by Suburban is one of the worst ways to go.

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