It was almost death by vehicular homicide this morning on the way to work. I was cut-off almost side-swiped by a bumper-sticker ribbon-magnet engulfed old-school Chevrolet Suburban. Only my lightning reflexes and good brakes saved me from being sardined into the median wall. Since I was only the distance to the front of my car from the bumper of the offender I had a perfect view to read some of the stickers which included [I kid not]:
• In case of Rapture this car will be unmanned.
— Based on the driver’s skill, for a brief moment I thought that the Rapture had actually happened.
• God is my co-pilot.
— Yeah, sure. And Satan rides shotgun with me. [which is actually another bumper sticker]
• God Provides.
— And if he doesn’t I’ll run you over in my Giant Truck™!
• Practice Random Acts of Kindness and Senseless Acts of Beauty.
— She had the Random and Senseless down…
• Support Our Troops.
— By driving a 30-year old vehicle that could only pass an eCheck with divine intervention.
After she passed the semi, going about 2 mph faster than it [˜67mph], I managed to pass her. I didn’t flip her off though, that would have been unChristian.