Vehicular Homicide

It was al­most death by ve­hic­u­lar homi­cide this morn­ing on the way to work. I was cut-off al­most side-swiped by a bumper-stick­er rib­bon-mag­net en­gulfed old-school Chevrolet Suburban. Only my light­ning re­flex­es and good brakes saved me from be­ing sar­dined in­to the me­di­an wall. Since I was on­ly the dis­tance to the front of my car from the bumper of the of­fend­er I had a per­fect view to read some of the stick­ers which in­clud­ed [I kid not]:

• In case of Rapture this car will be un­manned.
 — Based on the driver’s skill, for a brief mo­ment I thought that the Rapture had ac­tu­al­ly hap­pened.

• God is my co-pi­lot.
 — Yeah, sure. And Satan rides shot­gun with me. [which is ac­tu­al­ly an­oth­er bumper stick­er]

• God Provides.
 — And if he doesn’t I’ll run you over in my Giant Truck™!

• Practice Random Acts of Kindness and Senseless Acts of Beauty.
 — She had the Random and Senseless down…

• Support Our Troops.
 — By dri­ving a 30-year old ve­hi­cle that could on­ly pass an eCheck with di­vine in­ter­ven­tion.

After she passed the se­mi, go­ing about 2 mph faster than it [˜67mph], I man­aged to pass her. I didn’t flip her off though, that would have been unChris­t­ian.

10 thoughts on “Vehicular Homicide

  1. Last year I got cut off by a dri­ver in a grey Honda Element with a bumper stick­er that read: Never dri­ve faster than your guardian an­gel can fly.

  2. I once had an in­ci­dent with some­one be­hav­ing con­trar­i­ly to the ‘Random Acts of Kindness’ on her bumper stick­er. However, I am not Christian, so I had no prob­lem what­so­ev­er with flip­ping her off. And stomp­ing on the back bumper of her beat-up car. And scream­ing choice­ly and care­ful­ly con­struct­ed opin­ions about her be­hav­ior, bumper-stick­er, and hair­style.

    Glad to hear you sur­vived. Death by Suburban is one of the worst ways to go.

Comments are closed.