Eric the Half a Bee

INT. KEOUGH HALL RM 435. 11:00pm NIGHT.
ok so last night at 11, after being gone from my room since 9 in the morn­ing, i come back home to find the door locked. great, room­mate hook­ing up again…well that hasn’t stopped me before and i want in my damn room. i unlock the door and enter into the sur­re­al “hookup atmos­phere” of my room. no lights are on, some sort of soft­core porn/techno music is play­ing and i can hear the scrum­pling of sheets and muf­fled gig­gles from his loft. then the sur­prise. the guy from across the hall is there too. on the couch hook­ing up with my (stay with me here) roommate’s girlfriend’s best friend from New Hamp­shire. did i men­tion sur­re­al? so i drop off my back­pack and leave before the world implodes, but not before the guy on the couch asks in the “i just got caught mas­tur­bat­ing” tone of voice about the meet­ing we were both at sev­er­al hours ear­li­er. exit stage left.

INT. KEOUGH HALL 4B SECTION LOUNGE. 11:23pm NIGHT.
i debrief those in the lounge on the hap­pen­stances, and they all agree that it is weird. then a cou­ple of them decide to play a prank. i give my bless­ing. they unscrew the peep­hole on the door, tie the door shut so no one can get out, fill a con­dom with water and squirt it through the peep­hole into my room. my room­mate gets pissed obvi­ous­ly. sup­pos­ed­ly one of his books got wet and he has a test the next day. shouldn’t he be study­ing instead of hook­ing up in a vague­ly orgias­tic man­ner? no one says any­thing. he makes a com­ment in ref­er­ence to me as a 12 year old. still no one speaks. he leaves sup­pos­ed­ly to go com­fort his woman who is trau­ma­tized by the water on the floor.

EXT. GOD QUAD. 11:45pm NIGHT.
singing “eric the half a bee” with steve on the way to get quar­ter­dogs.

INT. KEOUGH HALL RM 435. 12:20am NIGHT
asleep.