Thursday, 11 August 2016

I caught a glimpse of my life from the cor­ner of my eye the oth­er day & re­al­ized I ap­pear to have be­come a care­ful­ly dressed, quar­ter­ly mag­a­zine-read­ing, European wag­on-dri­ving, scotch-lov­ing, in­suf­fer­able, tweedy, beard­ed cliché.

I hate that. Problem is: I like all of those things. Even be­ing in­suf­fer­able. So yeah, I’ve got some cham­pagne tastes on a beer bud­get.

I’m try­ing to give my­self sparse so­lace be­cause while I ap­pear to be the cliché, my tem­pera­ment is dif­fer­ent. (I hope). I don’t like cool jazz, NPR, The New Yorker, or pret­ty much any oth­er safe, soft, ac­cept­ed, lib­er­al com­fort-blan­kets. After I stopped be­ing Actively Catholic®, I went to an Episcopal church for a bit, the mes­sage was good but the peo­ple were ag­gra­vat­ing­ly mil­que­toast about every­thing. To para­phrase some­thing some­one said some­time: The meek will in­her­it the earth be­cause no one else will take it. That’s those peo­ple. God bless ‘em. No one else will.

Anyway, but. If you catch me out of the oth­er eye-cor­ner, you’ll see a greasy-spoon eat­ing, dive bar plant­ed, un­leashed dog walk­ing, win­dows open hol­lerin’ at my kid, shirt­less on the porch, filthy-jeaned, south­ern-drawl­ing met­al­head.

I love that. Problem is: ain’t al­most no one else does.

I some­times won­der what con­clu­sions peo­ple reach about me at work, but I’m too busy work­ing to care about it.

I like high brow. I like low brow. I pre­tend mid­dle­brow doesn’t ex­ist.

I have no oth­er point.

If you need one then the point is that the world is messy & even when I re­ject stereo­types, I of­ten use them in the same breath. I’m un­re­pen­tant. I just try to im­prove.


Tuesday, 26 March 2002

la­bels are use­less. they on­ly serve as lim­iters when ap­plied to a per­son. i am a Fencer, Anthropologist, Hick, or Romantic. all of these con­tain some truth but ex­clude oth­er truths. i am more than a la­bel, and my chal­lenge is to make sure that i do not la­bel a per­son. mul­ti­fac­eted and polydimensional…aren’t we all? per­haps i am ADAM, but per­haps i am more than that. it is hard to know how much cul­ture is a ben­e­fit and how much of it im­pedes us from self-ac­tu­al­iza­tion. guid­ance comes from with­in but can­not suc­ceed with­out help from with­out. or is it the oth­er way around? what is it that makes team­work so in­stinc­tive and in­di­vid­u­al­i­ty so prob­lem­at­ic. how do i know if i am be­ing true to my­self and not de­lud­ing my psy­che in­to a realm of my own imag­in­ings?