Eric the Half a Bee

Thursday, 25 April 2002

INT. KEOUGH HALL RM 435. 11:00pm NIGHT.
ok so last night at 11, af­ter be­ing gone from my room since 9 in the morn­ing, i come back home to find the door locked. great, room­mate hook­ing up again…well that hasn’t stopped me be­fore and i want in my damn room. i un­lock the door and en­ter into the sur­real “hookup at­mos­phere” of my room. no lights are on, some sort of soft­core porn/​techno mu­sic is play­ing and i can hear the scrum­pling of sheets and muf­fled gig­gles from his loft. then the sur­prise. the guy from across the hall is there too. on the couch hook­ing up with my (stay with me here) roommate’s girlfriend’s best friend from New Hampshire. did i men­tion sur­real? so i drop off my back­pack and leave be­fore the world im­plodes, but not be­fore the guy on the couch asks in the “i just got caught mas­tur­bat­ing” tone of voice about the meet­ing we were both at sev­eral hours ear­lier. exit stage left.

INT. KEOUGH HALL 4B SECTION LOUNGE. 11:23pm NIGHT.
i de­brief those in the lounge on the hap­pen­stances, and they all agree that it is weird. then a cou­ple of them de­cide to play a prank. i give my bless­ing. they un­screw the peep­hole on the door, tie the door shut so no one can get out, fill a con­dom with wa­ter and squirt it through the peep­hole into my room. my room­mate gets pissed ob­vi­ously. sup­pos­edly one of his books got wet and he has a test the next day. shouldn’t he be study­ing in­stead of hook­ing up in a vaguely or­gias­tic man­ner? no one says any­thing. he makes a com­ment in ref­er­ence to me as a 12 year old. still no one speaks. he leaves sup­pos­edly to go com­fort his woman who is trau­ma­tized by the wa­ter on the floor.

EXT. GOD QUAD. 11:45pm NIGHT.
singing “eric the half a bee” with steve on the way to get quar­ter­dogs.

INT. KEOUGH HALL RM 435. 12:20am NIGHT
asleep.