4.30.02 INT. MAIN BUILDING, OFFICE OF RESIDENCE LIFE. 7:53am DAY
signing up for my summer hall clerk hours i realized that red tape is the manner in which bureaucracies remain in existence. they convince you time and again that they have a new organizational plan that will make things run very smoothly and they make themselves indispensible by further convincing us that without their presence, things would go to hell. then they bind us with their red tape and forms in triplicate until we are gagged and nauseous and will fill them out just to be done with them. case in point, the forms that we were shown at an informational meeting for summer hall staff (another trap of the bureaucracy) had been replaced entirely by a different spreadsheet for the filling in of hours, as well, the dorms that the clerks for conferences are assigned to are on the other side of campus from the dorms that the clerks live in, which in turn are used by a different set of clerks who in turn live in a different set of dorms…ad infinum. signups were supposed to take ten minutes. they take an hour. we are told shifts are available in one hour increments…no longer, now they are 3 or 4 hour increments. so instead of working a nice evening shift in the dorm i live in i must haul my ass across campus 4 nights a week to work the graveyard shift in a dorm that wasn’t even supposed to be for the groups i am running the desk for. at least i have my weekends free. the only unfortunate thing about that is knowing that the bureaucratic hegemony WANTS me to feel happy about JUST having my weekends free. we bourgeois are donkeys and the weekend is the carrot that keeps us truckin’
4.29.02 INT. KEOUGH HALL, SHOWER STALL 3. approx. 9:23am DAY
my topic is emotion, feeling, whatever term you use to generalize and categorize it. it is inviolable and can only be judged by the person experiencing it. ergo, no emotion is wrong in the sense that a person is wrong in feeling it. difficulty lies when an ideology creates a forum in which the expression of emotion can cause harm. emotion is not opinion. for example, the fact that i cannot stand my roommate is not WRONG (emotion), although my reasons for feeling so might be (opinion). another possible difficulty lies in the proper identification of the emotion by the emoter. doubly difficult since emotion necessarily clouds reason. “love is not love/which alters when it alteration finds,” yet what other word is there that describes the emotion (mental experience) of being attracted to someone? sweet emotion. bah! might i be so forward as to request your opinion on this matter?
today i am wobbly.
my fever has broken for the time being, but i still have these aches and weird tingly and stretchy feelings. i think some unknown force is under the impression that i am silly putty. anyway. some site issues. you will need Internet Explorer version 5 or higher to get this to appear properly if you are using netscape i don’t know what the hell is wrong with the page. it is also optimized for 1024×768 screen resolution. and i’ve added a new link to another one of my buddies. our film is too short due to lack of enough good shots but its creepy and that is good. i had some beef stroganoff last night, thinking that a homecooked meal would be fine for my stomach but i yarfed it up a few hours later. i’ve also been playing Jedi Power Battles, and today i kicked Darth Maul’s ass. thank you.
INT. KEOUGH HALL RM 435, ADAM’S COMPUTER. 7:30pm NIGHT
i reconnected with a couple of old friends last night and it was good. it was nice talking to them and catching up on what is going on in their lives. it made me feel good to know that out there are still people who feel the way i do.
INT. O’SHAUGNESSY HALL COMPUTER CLUSTER. 12:38pm DAY
editing my last film project is like pulling teeth but it will be finished dammit.
INT. KEOUGH HALL RM 435, ADAM’S COMPUTER. 1:10am (4.27.02) NIGHT
oh shit. i’ve started a new page design. hold on to your knickers.
INT. KEOUGH HALL RM 435. 11:00pm NIGHT.
ok so last night at 11, after being gone from my room since 9 in the morning, i come back home to find the door locked. great, roommate hooking up again…well that hasn’t stopped me before and i want in my damn room. i unlock the door and enter into the surreal “hookup atmosphere” of my room. no lights are on, some sort of softcore porn/techno music is playing and i can hear the scrumpling of sheets and muffled giggles from his loft. then the surprise. the guy from across the hall is there too. on the couch hooking up with my (stay with me here) roommate’s girlfriend’s best friend from New Hampshire. did i mention surreal? so i drop off my backpack and leave before the world implodes, but not before the guy on the couch asks in the “i just got caught masturbating” tone of voice about the meeting we were both at several hours earlier. exit stage left.
INT. KEOUGH HALL 4B SECTION LOUNGE. 11:23pm NIGHT.
i debrief those in the lounge on the happenstances, and they all agree that it is weird. then a couple of them decide to play a prank. i give my blessing. they unscrew the peephole on the door, tie the door shut so no one can get out, fill a condom with water and squirt it through the peephole into my room. my roommate gets pissed obviously. supposedly one of his books got wet and he has a test the next day. shouldn’t he be studying instead of hooking up in a vaguely orgiastic manner? no one says anything. he makes a comment in reference to me as a 12 year old. still no one speaks. he leaves supposedly to go comfort his woman who is traumatized by the water on the floor.
EXT. GOD QUAD. 11:45pm NIGHT.
singing “eric the half a bee” with steve on the way to get quarterdogs.
INT. KEOUGH HALL RM 435. 12:20am NIGHT
we have to start packing up our rooms in the next week. it seems kind of dumb that they expect us to move everything out of our living space and study for finals in a little white shell. hopefully the weather will be nice and i can do my work outside. i am anxious for the summer to get here because it will be much less stressful. the good thing is that i have minimal work for the rest of the year. i am starting on one of my final papers and hopefully i’ll get a good jump on it before the week is over. today is going to be a good day. it is supposed to thunderstorm severely which is very nice, but right now it is sunny and warm. i’ll enjoy either. thats my goal now, just to enjoy things instead of stewing in my own juices. i don’t make for a good marinade.
yeah so i cleaned my room and did laundry.
yeah and my mom asked me if i was satanic the other day. she meant it too. i think she just assumes the worst since i don’t live at home under her protective wing. its boring under a protective wing, i’d rather go exploring. i’m not a little chick any more. i am a HUGE CO…rooster. she missed me and loves me, i knowiknow. i take it for granted i am sure. but hell, if i don’t go exploring, i will be even lamer than i am now. plus she is still there when i need her the most. i don’t take that for granted. sometimes when i write this i feel like doogie howser m.d. but i’m not a tool like he was. my laundry needs dryered so i’m out for now.
talked to molly and i (can’t do it) still feel like shit. is it me that needs figuring out or does she need to figure herself out? how do i care for someone that doesn’t care about themself?
i’m obviously wrong about some things and missing others.