Redesign as Self-de­f­i­n­i­tion

this whole farce, re­design­ing, tweak­ing, nudg­ing, call­ing up­on var­i­ous ob­scure and el­dritch pow­ers to give my blog some sem­b­lence of co­her­ence is noth­ing more than a vi­su­al man­i­fes­ta­tion of my er­rant quest­ing in search of an­oth­er self­de­f­i­n­i­tion. id like to think it is help­ing, but hon­est­ly i have not a clue. in my strug­gle to de­fine it is quite pos­si­ble that i have in­stead ne­glect­ed fun­da­men­tal phys­i­cal signs of my hid­den self. strange phe­nom­e­non. saint elmo’s fire of the mind. sup­pos­ed­ly every­one goes through life try­ing to dis­cov­er them­selves but i like to think i spend more time at it than most and there­fore have a jump on peo­ple. warn­ing bells and klax­ons at this point. what i am go­ing to at­tempt is to cut back on the ouroborous that is my life at this point and give my­self a tra­jec­to­ry of some sort. al­to­geth­er vague at this point, per­haps get­ting in­to a set­tled crosstrain­ing sched­ule to pre­pare for the fenc­ing sea­son. that sounds like a good start. as al­ways a fe­male com­pan­ion would be nice, but at the same time i have no de­sire to start any­thing with one and even less time with which to do it. so train­ing it is. i am go­ing to put the longterm big pic­ture who does adam want to cre­ate him­self as goals on the ver­i­ta­ble back­burn­er of am­bi­tion and con­cen­trate on the short­er term adam needs to be a more dis­ci­plined and con­fi­dent per­son goals.

“Think of what is right and true…become aware of what is not obvious…do not do any­thing use­less.” -Miyamoto Musashi The Book of Five Rings