i don’t associate myself with my body or my name. my entity is content to define itself merely as psyche. perhaps that is why i only take care of my appearence when society demands i do so. why i shave once a week, instead of not at all. why i have multiple changes of clothing instead of just a few. answering to my name is just pavlovian response, and body language and small talk courtesies merely muscle memory guided by my ego into what i hope is a nonthreatening appearence. it gives me time to think.
i am internal. too much so most likely. but my mind is the only thing that can hold my attention for more than one mom…look at the purty lights!
after a summer filled with reading works considered to be fine pieces of literature, my return to the books i have enjoyed the most, fantasy novels, is bittersweet. i relish the stories for their entertainment value, but now they are starting to seem a little…juvenile. perhaps this is just due to the books i am reading currently, The Renshai Chronicles, by Mickey Zucker Reichert. i have not read anything by this author before so perhaps it is just the license she takes with Norse mythology in combination with her vaguely Dungeons and Dragons storylines (i’ve never enjoyed that type of fantasy). The characters are all teenagers and behave exactly like teens in regard to affairs of the heart, but when it comes to making emotional decisions they are rational as a sophist. it is unnerving, especially since they are all savants and excel in their respective ‘job class’ to borrow a phrase from D&D, often rivaling those with decades or centuries more experience. it would be a good story if it weren’t so obviously contrived. I do not believe this revulsion will transfer to works of genuine creative fantasy that offers philosophical and moral dilemmas, (LotR, The Recluce Series) or those which offer more than just swords and sorcery (The Wheel of Time, anything by Patricia McKillip). I am just tired of cookiecutter fantasy trilogies. i need something new.
its in my blood to be a stubborn son of a bitch. i hate it when people tell me that i have to do something. my immediate response is the challenge their order with a question. Why do i have to do it? Huh? Answer me! however, using a different word will often slip by me. ‘Adam, you might want to think about doing blahblahblah…’ or ‘Wouldn’t this be a better alternative?’ If you use the word have i will balk on principle. i do not like it when people believe they can dictate terms upon me. i am the only person that can be in charge of my person. as long as i am lucid i have the complete freedom that life provides.
i’ve almost got the CSS version of my page finished. i was almost giving myself and aneurysm trying to figure it out for the past few days but it all clicked yesterday especially after a little help from this place. now all i need to do is get moveabletype installed correctly on my webspace and learn to use it then i’ll be streamlined and ready to roll.
we’ve needed rain badly for several weeks and we finally got it. although i am not a farmer, living in a farming community has made me aware of the weather and in doing so i have developed the Farmer’s Weather Complex™. there is always either too much rain or not enough rain. this summer has been a dry one but hopefully this rain will do the crops some good. it is also fair time around here which means next week i am going to get an elephant ear and (if my braces are off) a candied apple. mmmm gotta love the fair.
CSS is cool!
i love it but i hate it.
just got back from the mall. wtf is up with the cheapo picture taking things?? they suck now. they aren’t cheap and they only spit out one photo. remember how they used to spit out a strip of 4 different shots so you could have a little fun and make faces at it? no longer. 4 bucks for 1 shot, you fuck up, your through. what a bitch. of course, i fucked it up, didn’t take off my glasses and got a lensflare. i barely decided on spending 4 buck on what i thought were going to be 4 photos but to find out its 4 bucks for one fucking picture. man. remember when little caesar’s had that 4bucks 4bucks pizza deal? now that was good shit. 4 dollars for a pizza. hell yeah. but now i have to pay 4 bucks to get one shitty picture from the stupid booth in the mall.
well she had fun, but not until her ‘brother’ and my good friend brian showed up from Cleveland. she didn’t yarf, but she did go to the restroom about 70 billion times. we ate at the Mishawaka Brewing Company, which was excellent as always. Great Irish Meat Pies. then we left to go to the bars, but lo and behold i had a flat tire. so everyone else took off and i put on the donut and followed. as an aside, this is about the 6th time i’ve had a flat tire with this car. i attribute this occurence to the fact that there are massive amounts of construction going on around campus. anyway, we then went to Cheers the townie bar where we listened to a bad red hot chili pepper wannabe band and an even worse treehuggin phishlovin hippie knockoff who couldn’t carry a tune with a wheelbarrow and who butchered Ramble On and Tangerine. fucker. we left as his female counterpart began singing Blackhole Sun a la Jessica Simpson. Then we went to Corby’s. The Corporate Alumni bar. where the only water available is bottled and the bartender is HOT as a tub full of boiled crayfish (i have no idea where that came from). anyway she got blasted once brian showed up and she started laughing and smiling too. so we closed Corby’s, got her back to her dorm and then i went to sleep around 3:30 to get up and work at 8. it was worth it.
today is my friend Meagan’s 21st birthday. she is not a drinker at all. in fact, i think she can count the times she has had a drink on one hand. but not after tonight. i am skipping my work shift tonight to take her out with some friends and get her wasted as hell. drunk as a skunk. ladies and gentlemen, she will be yarfing before this night is over. the great thing about this is that a 21st birthday effectively gives the friends of the person born license to make that person ill beyond belief in a happy engaging manner. i yarfed on my 21st, it was fun. Phil yarfed in my car on his 21st, it was fun. Meagan will yarf on her 21st and it will be fun. who knew yarfing could be so much fun?