I gave her her poem the other day as a christmas gift. the edited version. i think it reads better. she said she likes it alot. but when she says that, i’m not sure what kind of friend she is being…either the “I’ll say I like it because I don’t want to risk hurting his feelings” friend or the “I Really Actually Like it, and even if I didn’t I would say that I didn’t like it because frankness is best” friend. i gave it to her and left before she opened it. i was scared of what could go wrong. we had chatted for a couple of hours and it was good. i didn’t want to risk…something. she is of great interest to me. but she is leaving. frick frick frick. what to do! frick.
i should speak to her that i have an interest in dating, seeing, holding, (frick-what do any of those terms mean?) her. But at the same time express my desire to not complicate things by immediately having her leave the country for months. But afterward, if she is willing, i’ll still be around.
yet, am i willing to stick around for a mere possibility? to put my dreams on hold to see if we are good for each other? is she worth that risk? I am an awful risk taker when it comes to relationships… but… is this dream… is she…. .. . ? frick.
an further examination of my feelings of inferiority in the realm of love can be found here.