Lurch

In Castle-town at the salty docks
the pirate rats sit on the rocks
and peer about the piers in search
of a certain longshoreman known as Lurch.
Who has often been known to provide
some cheese to these rats?on the side.
It is easy to find him, you?ll know him on sight
in every tavern he is ready to fight
only two gapped teeth are left in his face
his hair smells like seaweed, his nose a disgrace.
Most folks will tell you his mind ain?t all there
But if you mention it to Lurch he?s too dumb to care.

Yet when it comes to unloading a ship new to port
Lurch is the strongest, I have to report.
Crates full of spices and Indian teas,
barrels of whale oil straight from the seas,
bales of rich cloth and ingots of gold –
all manners of wonder from a ship?s hold.
Along the way some bits fall in his pockets
small rubies and sapphires and golden lockets.
Many weeks later when those ships have gone
he?ll take his booty to a well-known pawn.
When he enters the shop his pockets are crammed;
by the time he leaves he?s been royally scammed.

The greedy-eyed pawnbroker has known Lurch for years
and this strange friendship is good for his career.
When the big oaf spreads his loot on the table
the pawnbroker eyes it and starts with this fable
?These rubies are garnets, the sapphires are glass
this locket, ain?t gold, ?tis nothing but brass!
I wish you?d done better By Gad and By Cor!
I?ll give you two dollars and not a cent more!?
Lurch ponders this in his ponderous way
then takes the money and goes to the bay.
He uses one dollar to buy a cheap beer
after he drinks it he walks toward the pier.

With the last dollar he buys bits of cheese
and feeds the pirate rats – who are mightily pleased.
For though Lurch might be short on good looks and morals
a bit slow in the head and with hands tough as coral
In Castle-town at the salty docks
he has his friends – the rats on the rocks.
They wait patiently as he unloads the ships
and wrestles new cargo with grunts and strong grips.
The rats don?t judge him with contempt in their eyes
they just appreciate the cheese he supplies.
And so would you too if you were a rat –
though Lurch is an idiot, he?ll keep you quite fat!