Lurch

In Castle-town at the salty docks
the pi­rate rats sit on the rocks
and peer about the piers in search
of a cer­tain long­shore­man known as Lurch.
Who has of­ten been known to provide
some cheese to these rats?on the side.
It is easy to find him, you?ll know him on sight
in every tav­ern he is ready to fight
only two gapped teeth are left in his face
his hair smells like sea­weed, his nose a dis­grace.
Most folks will tell you his mind ain?t all there
But if you men­tion it to Lurch he?s too dumb to care.

Yet when it comes to un­load­ing a ship new to port
Lurch is the strongest, I have to re­port.
Crates full of spices and Indian teas,
bar­rels of whale oil straight from the seas,
bales of rich cloth and in­gots of gold -
all man­ners of won­der from a ship?s hold.
Along the way some bits fall in his pock­ets
small ru­bies and sap­phires and golden lock­ets.
Many weeks later when those ships have gone
he?ll take his booty to a well-known pawn.
When he en­ters the shop his pock­ets are crammed;
by the time he leaves he?s been roy­ally scammed.

The greedy-eyed pawn­bro­ker has known Lurch for years
and this strange friend­ship is good for his ca­reer.
When the big oaf spreads his loot on the ta­ble
the pawn­bro­ker eyes it and starts with this fa­ble
?These ru­bies are gar­nets, the sap­phires are glass
this locket, ain?t gold, ?tis noth­ing but brass!
I wish you?d done bet­ter By Gad and By Cor!
I?ll give you two dol­lars and not a cent more!?
Lurch pon­ders this in his pon­der­ous way
then takes the money and goes to the bay.
He uses one dol­lar to buy a cheap beer
af­ter he drinks it he walks to­ward the pier.

With the last dol­lar he buys bits of cheese
and feeds the pi­rate rats — who are might­ily pleased.
For though Lurch might be short on good looks and morals
a bit slow in the head and with hands tough as coral
In Castle-town at the salty docks
he has his friends — the rats on the rocks.
They wait pa­tiently as he un­loads the ships
and wrestles new cargo with grunts and strong grips.
The rats don?t judge him with con­tempt in their eyes
they just ap­pre­ci­ate the cheese he sup­plies.
And so would you too if you were a rat -
though Lurch is an id­iot, he?ll keep you quite fat!

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