Within the last week I have been in conversation with three different people, at different times, on the same topic. I say things that hurt the feelings of my friends and family and, apparently, I do it pretty often. There was no hesitation on the part of two of these people in saying so, once I brought it up. I have known that I put my foot in my mouth and say the wrong thing on a regular basis for years, but I didn’t realize I hurt so many people that I care about. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, so I don’t know why I get so mouthy. Maybe I do want to hurt people and just hide it from myself. It seems like I come at life from a negative point of view, always dissatisfied. I need to understand why I am like this. Does my dissatisfaction arise as the result of being taught to accept only the highest quality of work and behavior from myself? Did I pick up my ease at verbal abuse from being yelled at by my father? How can I exist in both of these paradigms simultaneously and without apparent complication? More importantly, how is it that I have friends who put up with my shit? They are some damn good people. I was looking through my first posts from two years ago and it doesn’t look like I have changed very much. I thought I had gone through some personal growth, but fundamentally I remain a grouchy, hurtful person. Even this post is indicative of my problem. I need to figure out how to change, how to make my happy, gentle and easygoing side my basis instead of what I struggle for. First off I am going to have to stop teasing people and only be frank when people ask me my opinion. I need to learn to keep my mouth shut. I’ll add that to my list of things to work on.

14 thoughts on “Grouch

  1. It is really hard to make the sort of change which you describe. There are sometings that we just are and cannont change in any major way. Now if it is nature vs nuture on this one, I can’t tell. I think being aware of a problem is a major step in lessening the severity of the results. As a friend, I can say that I have never been bothered by this sort of behavior, but as your friend, I will do what I can to help you work on this, if you ask it.

  2. So, hijacking this thread..
    Was I the only one to think that Oscar the Grouch was the neighborhood’s homeless person? I mean, the guy lives in a trash can, talks to a worm and generally seemed pissed off at life. And Seasame Street was in NYC after all. I think it’s to get kids used to the idea of homeless people. He says, tounge firmly in cheek.

  3. I don’t think you’re a grouch nor bitter. However, I haven’t had the priviledge to know you for very long. Sometime you do say things that are rather harsh but only to the person you said it to. For example, you once said something to me and it hurt. You apologized, I got over it, and I forgave you. If people don’t fogive you when you say “oh sorry i didn’t realize that would hurt you” thats their problem not yours. I enjoy your sarcastic personality, its what makes you. And you are very funny.

  4. thanks kara. i know not everyone is going to like me. i can handle that. i just don’t like it that i hurt the people that care about me.

    i’m also not quite as depressed as i sound.

  5. Ah, but I am bitter more than I should be as well. I think that is why we are friends, because we can share in our bitterness.

  6. I agree. And because he was a “grouch” Sesame Street is clearly showing children that the homeless are there due to their own poor attitudes and that if they really tried to have a more possitive outlook they could find jobs and homes. Don’t feel sorry for Oscar kids… he LIKES living in filth. See? The only poor we should feel sympathy for are the hispanics (His… Panics… His.. Panics… Hispanics!) because they are in fact our “amigos.” Adios!

  7. You’re a very guarded person Adam. You don’t speak to others of your personal life, for one reason or another. When someone does (like a close friend or family member)ask about personal issues, you respond in a manner to protect your inner sanctum. Thus, you come off angry and bitter. Are you really angry and bitter? Hell if I know, nor does anyone know.

  8. How do I put up with you? Interesting question. I just try to understand where you’re coming from, and I don’t take stuff personally. Although it can be hard to see where your ideas came from. Thinking back over the years, you’ve always at least appeared to have a “if you ask I won’t tell” policy concerning your more personal thoughts. You’re not one to share. I’m accustomed to not knowing what motivates you/your attitude, so I don’t ask. Perhaps others do ask because they aren’t used to your style. Therefore, they unnerve you, and you perhaps stick your foot in your mouth, as you say. Just my two cents though, based on my experiences.

  9. Geez – you made me cry and I don’t even know you. I learned in life no matter what you do, not everyone is going to like you.
    BTW – you left a very nice post at my site – you weren’t nasty at all.
    : )

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