Worst Things

A list of some of the worst things in my world.

– A pile of week old, encrusted and molding dirty dishes.

– Sitting cross-legged on the floor for an extended period of time, getting up and feeling your kneecaps slowly squeal and grind against your leg bones.

– Being incapacitatingly allergic to warm, cuddly, fuzzy things.

– Being afraid to tell someone that you: like, love, lust, hate, revile them. Or want to dress them up in a hippo suit.

– Every time you have to stop doing something you really enjoy because you have ‘responsibilities.’

– Vehicle Maintenance.

– Being inspired and then losing it before the chance to use the muse has been fulfilled. Also see: being completely uninspired.

– Being in a hurry.

– The realization of futility or impotence. [this is sometimes the blackest of night before dawn though]

– Wet or sweaty socks.

– Low volume, high-pitched, continuous, unidentifiable ambient sound.

– Raw onions.

– The people in stores who go very slowly, take up the entire aisle, and roll their eyes at you when you ask to get by as if by moving out of the way they are doing the equivalent of donating bone marrow.

– Surly and impatient people in stores. [I become this when confronted with the previous]

– Riding an elevator and smelling rancid flatulence, most likely dropped by the smelly, cig-voiced fat lady that just debarked.

What are some of the worst things in your world?

4 thoughts on “Worst Things

  1. stinky, non-showering, ugly, sweaty, did i mention stinky boys.

    people who do not brush their teeth.

    stepping in an “accident” left from any animal.

    a cell phone dying in the middle of a serious conversation.

    “I Love You, But…”

    The Slobber Factor.

    Hot Tea with too much milk in it.

    Men who keep condoms handy in their glove compartment.

    Reba McIntyre.

    When you are in a perfectly comfortable position except one extremity (hand, arm, leg, foot) falls asleep.

  2. Waking up 20 minutes before the alarm clock goes off.

    Sitting on a warm, public toilet seat.

    Illiterate college students. I swear that a sign could come up, punch them in crotch and flash it’s message in neon and the average student would ignore it.

    The weatherman’s Wintry Mix.

  3. – Spending $8.00 on a pack of razors (I only assume this is other people’s “worst thing” as well, since it’s one of the few items at the grocery store with one of those theft-protection devices).

    – Cleaning up cat vomit.

    – Related: the feeling one gets right before you puke.

    – Corporate catchphrases. In particular: “value-added”, which I always think to mean that there was no value there in the first place. Like when I cook and I add beans to something, it’s now “bean-added”, as it didn’t have beans before.

    – Related: Meetings – pointless meetings

    – the “comedy” of Molly Shannon, David Spade & Fred Durst

    just a few..

  4. -The phrase “Love means never having to say ‘you’re sorry'”

    -Chickening out right before you were to get your nipples pierced when you had convinced someone else to pay for it! (I’ll never live that down.)

    -Fayette County Highway Department: Oh wait, that’s an oxymoron

    -Wanting something you shouldn’t have, then taking it anyway

    -Lying to protect someone

    -Small talk with forgotten people at the grocery store

    -People who use ignorance as an excuse; also see: Bush Administration

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