Worst Things

A list of some of the worst things in my world.

 — A pile of week old, en­crust­ed and mold­ing dirty dish­es.

- Sitting cross-legged on the floor for an ex­tend­ed pe­ri­od of time, get­ting up and feel­ing your kneecaps slow­ly squeal and grind against your leg bones.

- Being in­ca­pac­i­tat­ing­ly al­ler­gic to warm, cud­dly, fuzzy things.

- Being afraid to tell some­one that you: like, love, lust, hate, re­vile them. Or want to dress them up in a hip­po suit.

- Every time you have to stop do­ing some­thing you re­al­ly en­joy be­cause you have ‘re­spon­si­bil­i­ties.’

- Vehicle Maintenance.

- Being in­spired and then los­ing it be­fore the chance to use the muse has been ful­filled. Also see: be­ing com­plete­ly unin­spired.

- Being in a hur­ry.

- The re­al­iza­tion of fu­til­i­ty or im­po­tence. [this is some­times the black­est of night be­fore dawn though]

- Wet or sweaty socks.

- Low vol­ume, high-pitched, con­tin­u­ous, uniden­ti­fi­able am­bi­ent sound.

- Raw onions.

- The peo­ple in stores who go very slow­ly, take up the en­tire aisle, and roll their eyes at you when you ask to get by as if by mov­ing out of the way they are do­ing the equiv­a­lent of do­nat­ing bone mar­row.

- Surly and im­pa­tient peo­ple in stores. [I be­come this when con­front­ed with the pre­vi­ous]

- Riding an el­e­va­tor and smelling ran­cid flat­u­lence, most like­ly dropped by the smelly, cig-voiced fat la­dy that just de­barked.

What are some of the worst things in your world?

4 thoughts on “Worst Things

  1. stinky, non-show­er­ing, ug­ly, sweaty, did i men­tion stinky boys.

    peo­ple who do not brush their teeth.

    step­ping in an “ac­ci­dent” left from any an­i­mal.

    a cell phone dy­ing in the mid­dle of a se­ri­ous con­ver­sa­tion.

    “I Love You, But…”

    The Slobber Factor.

    Hot Tea with too much milk in it.

    Men who keep con­doms handy in their glove com­part­ment.

    Reba McIntyre.

    When you are in a per­fect­ly com­fort­able po­si­tion ex­cept one ex­trem­i­ty (hand, arm, leg, foot) falls asleep.

  2. Waking up 20 min­utes be­fore the alarm clock goes off.

    Sitting on a warm, pub­lic toi­let seat.

    Illiterate col­lege stu­dents. I swear that a sign could come up, punch them in crotch and flash it’s mes­sage in neon and the av­er­age stu­dent would ig­nore it.

    The weatherman’s Wintry Mix.

  3. - Spending $8.00 on a pack of ra­zors (I on­ly as­sume this is oth­er people’s “worst thing” as well, since it’s one of the few items at the gro­cery store with one of those theft-pro­tec­tion de­vices).

    - Cleaning up cat vom­it.

    - Related: the feel­ing one gets right be­fore you puke.

    - Corporate catch­phras­es. In par­tic­u­lar: “val­ue-added”, which I al­ways think to mean that there was no val­ue there in the first place. Like when I cook and I add beans to some­thing, it’s now “bean-added”, as it didn’t have beans be­fore.

    - Related: Meetings — point­less meet­ings

    - the “com­e­dy” of Molly Shannon, David Spade & Fred Durst

    just a few..

  4. -The phrase “Love means nev­er hav­ing to say ‘you’re sor­ry’”

    -Chickening out right be­fore you were to get your nip­ples pierced when you had con­vinced some­one else to pay for it! (I’ll nev­er live that down.)

    -Fayette County Highway Department: Oh wait, that’s an oxy­moron

    -Wanting some­thing you shouldn’t have, then tak­ing it any­way

    -Lying to pro­tect some­one

    -Small talk with for­got­ten peo­ple at the gro­cery store

    -People who use ig­no­rance as an ex­cuse; al­so see: Bush Administration

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