Worst Things

A list of some of the worst things in my world.

— A pile of week old, encrust­ed and mold­ing dirty dish­es.

- Sit­ting cross-legged on the floor for an extend­ed peri­od of time, get­ting up and feel­ing your kneecaps slow­ly squeal and grind against your leg bones.

- Being inca­pac­i­tat­ing­ly aller­gic to warm, cud­dly, fuzzy things.

- Being afraid to tell some­one that you: like, love, lust, hate, revile them. Or want to dress them up in a hip­po suit.

- Every time you have to stop doing some­thing you real­ly enjoy because you have ‘respon­si­bil­i­ties.’

- Vehi­cle Main­te­nance.

- Being inspired and then los­ing it before the chance to use the muse has been ful­filled. Also see: being com­plete­ly unin­spired.

- Being in a hur­ry.

- The real­iza­tion of futil­i­ty or impo­tence. [this is some­times the black­est of night before dawn though]

- Wet or sweaty socks.

- Low vol­ume, high-pitched, con­tin­u­ous, uniden­ti­fi­able ambi­ent sound.

- Raw onions.

- The peo­ple in stores who go very slow­ly, take up the entire aisle, and roll their eyes at you when you ask to get by as if by mov­ing out of the way they are doing the equiv­a­lent of donat­ing bone mar­row.

- Surly and impa­tient peo­ple in stores. [I become this when con­front­ed with the pre­vi­ous]

- Rid­ing an ele­va­tor and smelling ran­cid flat­u­lence, most like­ly dropped by the smelly, cig-voiced fat lady that just debarked.

What are some of the worst things in your world?

4 Replies

  • stinky, non-show­er­ing, ugly, sweaty, did i men­tion stinky boys.

    peo­ple who do not brush their teeth.

    step­ping in an “acci­dent” left from any ani­mal.

    a cell phone dying in the mid­dle of a seri­ous con­ver­sa­tion.

    I Love You, But…”

    The Slob­ber Fac­tor.

    Hot Tea with too much milk in it.

    Men who keep con­doms handy in their glove com­part­ment.

    Reba McIn­tyre.

    When you are in a per­fect­ly com­fort­able posi­tion except one extrem­i­ty (hand, arm, leg, foot) falls asleep.

  • Wak­ing up 20 min­utes before the alarm clock goes off.

    Sit­ting on a warm, pub­lic toi­let seat.

    Illit­er­ate col­lege stu­dents. I swear that a sign could come up, punch them in crotch and flash it’s mes­sage in neon and the aver­age stu­dent would ignore it.

    The weatherman’s Win­try Mix.

  • - Spend­ing $8.00 on a pack of razors (I only assume this is oth­er people’s “worst thing” as well, since it’s one of the few items at the gro­cery store with one of those theft-pro­tec­tion devices).

    - Clean­ing up cat vom­it.

    - Relat­ed: the feel­ing one gets right before you puke.

    - Cor­po­rate catch­phras­es. In par­tic­u­lar: “val­ue-added”, which I always think to mean that there was no val­ue there in the first place. Like when I cook and I add beans to some­thing, it’s now “bean-added”, as it didn’t have beans before.

    - Relat­ed: Meet­ings — point­less meet­ings

    - the “com­e­dy” of Mol­ly Shan­non, David Spade & Fred Durst

    just a few..

  • -The phrase “Love means nev­er hav­ing to say ‘you’re sor­ry’”

    -Chick­en­ing out right before you were to get your nip­ples pierced when you had con­vinced some­one else to pay for it! (I’ll nev­er live that down.)

    -Fayette Coun­ty High­way Depart­ment: Oh wait, that’s an oxy­moron

    -Want­i­ng some­thing you shouldn’t have, then tak­ing it any­way

    -Lying to pro­tect some­one

    -Small talk with for­got­ten peo­ple at the gro­cery store

    -Peo­ple who use igno­rance as an excuse; also see: Bush Admin­is­tra­tion

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