i went to the Notre Dame Young Alumni Happy Hour last night and met a few other graduates. typically, i was the youngest, but i’ve always gotten along with those older than myself so it was no big deal. and now today i am driving to south bend in approximately two hours to see my teammates fence for possibly the last time ever. the senior class this year is the one i am closest to. we all started on the ND team at the same time. i’m a bit jealous that they have had an extra year at it; since i walked-on as a sophomore and they came in fresh as first years. i am also going to try to see a few of my non-teammate friends. i don’t know if there is enough time this weekend to see them all. i’m only going to be there for a day and a half.
i really miss college. i miss my senior year; having my own room, having day after day a chance to learn and discuss and improve physically and mentally. i miss the dénouement of feeling hot hard-water on my sweaty and aching body after fencing practice. i miss blasting music and sitting on my bed in the evening reading incomprehensible film theory. i miss being the experienced senior and passing on my wisdom of dining-hall mischief and the intricacies of the quarter-dog. i miss being required to watch three movies a week that i had never heard of before. i miss going to the Grotto when it is frickin cold and having my gloves freeze to the rail. i miss not having anything to do but learn and strive and goof-off.
I don’t think a day and a half will be enough. I vaguely wish I had picked up a gender studies minor or taken another art class. I wish I hadn’t been so afraid to be open. I wish my freshman year and junior year hadn’t sucked so much. This day and a half will have to be enough for now.