Incoming Assault

Friday’s ad­ven­tures in the land of Habitat for Humanity were al­right. Since the weath­er fore­cast was a bit ran­dom we start­ed out work­ing in the HfH head­quar­ters and I cleaned old dry­wall seal­er and primer out of buck­ets with the kid of the guy who is get­ting a house built. There were a bunch of high school se­niors there do­ing work for a se­nior project and the girls start­ed out sort­ing nails and then one of them came over to clean buck­ets with me. She to­tal­ly want­ed me. It fig­ures, be­cause high school girls didn’t want me in high school they would ob­vi­ous­ly want me now. So I talked to her [read hit on her] and found out she plays lacrosse and is go­ing to Miami of Ohio for col­lege. In the af­ter­noon we went to a site and spread top­soil in the yard in prepa­ra­tion for the folks who were sched­uled to move in the next day. I did much shov­el­ing and rak­ing and wheel­bar­row­ing. That evening I was quite ex­haust­ed so I just made fudge and went to sleep.

Saturday was my fun day. I didn’t do much apart from play­ing Starcraft and watch­ing Secretary. It was an­oth­er sol­id film dis­trib­uted by Lion’s Gate that dealt quite in­ter­est­ing­ly with sado­masochism. Instead of mak­ing it in­to some­thing de­viant, it is both em­pow­er­ing and ad­dic­tive to both par­ties in this film. I al­so watched all of the films in my new Animation Show DVD. It is an awe­some DVD and is go­ing to be a good start in my col­lec­tion of an­i­mat­ed DVDs.

Saturday evening was a par­ty over at Lauren’s place. I took my fudge, a bot­tle of Vampire Cabernet Sauvignon and The Animation Show DVD to show a short or two. I met a few of Lauren’s friends and fi­nal­ly met Patrick’s Genevieve. I quick­ly be­came the drunk per­son at the par­ty, which was good be­cause it gave me plen­ty of time to sober up for the long ass dri­ve home. Lauren ne­glect­ed to men­tion that she lived on the moon. We played a fun game that I nev­er learned the name of but it was vague­ly like Balderdash ex­cept cool­er. Everyone wrote down an an­swer to a ques­tion [Things You Shouldn’t Say to your Grandma] and then peo­ple had to guess at who said what. I over­an­a­lyzed a bit be­cause I was aware that some strate­gies might in­clude at­tempt­ing to write an­swers like some­one else, mak­ing fun of your­self as a false trail, guess­ing your own as some­one else’s as a way of lay­ing a false trail, etc etc. I left for home around 4 in the morn­ing and didn’t find out un­til I ac­tu­al­ly start­ed dri­ving that I was still a wee bit drunk. So I drove slow­ly and su­per care­ful­ly the rest of the way home. My fudge was a big hit

Sunday I cleaned the hell out of my apart­ment. Something in it smelled like rot­ten food and I nev­er end­ed up find­ing it so I be­lieve that some­thing died in the wall. Perhaps my neigh­bor killed some­one and hid them in the wall? It still smells vague­ly of bad cab­bage. I al­so took some pic­tures and did that clich? of lich?s — prac­tic­ing my gui­tar out­side in the nice weath­er. I al­so start­ed watch­ing The Guns of Navarone [I like my old movies].

Here are some cool phras­es I in­vent­ed in the same vein as the line from Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy: “I’m so hip, I can’t see over my pelvis.”

  • I’m so bright, my mom calls me son.
  • I’m so slick, I’m of­ten mis­tak­en for an oil spill.
  • I’m so smooth, _______.
  • I’m so cool, I’m a na­tion­al pen­guin re­serve.
  • I’m so hot, _______.
  • I’m so sweet, _______.

Okay, so I didn’t think of all that many. If you have any ideas to fill in the oth­ers let me know.

Here is the recipe for the fudge I made.

  • 4.5 cups of sug­ar
  • 2 ta­ble­spoons of but­ter
  • 12 ounces of evap­o­rat­ed milk
  • a pinch of salt
  • 12 ounces of se­mi-sweet morsels
  • 12 ounces of an­oth­er type of choco­late, hell maybe use peanut but­ter morsels or but­ter­scotch ones. I used Special Dark morsels.
  • 2 cups of marsh­mal­low cream


  1. Boil the milk, sug­ar and but­ter for 6 min­utes or there­abouts. You’ll need to stir it up first, and once or twice while boil­ing. Thats a lot of sug­ar.
  2. Put the morsels and marsh­mal­low cream in a big bowl.
  3. Spray some wax pa­per with cook­ing spray and use it to line a 913 dish.
  4. Realize you’ve for­got­ten about the boil­ing sug­ar thing and pan­ic need­less­ly cause its fine.
  5. Pour boil­ing mix­ture over morsels and cream
  6. Stir for about five min­utes or un­til it starts to thick­en. If you want, at the start of this step you could put some cin­na­mon or or­ange ex­tract [I don’t know how much be­cause this is my own ad­di­tion] in­to it to make slight­ly cin­na­mon-y fudge or slight­ly or­ange-y fudge.
  7. Pour in­to 9 x 13 dish, cov­er and let sit overnight

Don’t re­frig­er­ate un­less you want the fudge to get dry and hard or if it isn’t firm enough for your taste.

4 thoughts on “Incoming Assault

  1. I’m so sweet, I cause di­a­bet­ic shock, re­sult­ing in a lengthy hos­pi­tal stay.

    I’m so hot, I set your car on fire this morn­ing.

    I’m so smooth, ’cause of the vase­line I rubbed down in this morn­ing.

  2. Secretary is a love­ly film. I’ve thor­ough­ly en­joyed it each time I’ve sat down to watch it.

    Funny thing about the high school­ers dig­ging the col­lege kids: Emmy has said the same thing goes on with her. Well, as long as it’s le­gal and con­sen­su­al, have a nice time, I’ll al­ways say.

Comments are closed.