Incoming Assault

Friday’s adventures in the land of Habitat for Humanity were alright. Since the weather forecast was a bit random we started out working in the HfH headquarters and I cleaned old drywall sealer and primer out of buckets with the kid of the guy who is getting a house built. There were a bunch of high school seniors there doing work for a senior project and the girls started out sorting nails and then one of them came over to clean buckets with me. She totally wanted me. It figures, because high school girls didn’t want me in high school they would obviously want me now. So I talked to her [read hit on her] and found out she plays lacrosse and is going to Miami of Ohio for college. In the afternoon we went to a site and spread topsoil in the yard in preparation for the folks who were scheduled to move in the next day. I did much shoveling and raking and wheelbarrowing. That evening I was quite exhausted so I just made fudge and went to sleep.

Saturday was my fun day. I didn’t do much apart from playing Starcraft and watching Secretary. It was another solid film distributed by Lion’s Gate that dealt quite interestingly with sadomasochism. Instead of making it into something deviant, it is both empowering and addictive to both parties in this film. I also watched all of the films in my new Animation Show DVD. It is an awesome DVD and is going to be a good start in my collection of animated DVDs.

Saturday evening was a party over at Lauren’s place. I took my fudge, a bottle of Vampire Cabernet Sauvignon and The Animation Show DVD to show a short or two. I met a few of Lauren’s friends and finally met Patrick‘s Genevieve. I quickly became the drunk person at the party, which was good because it gave me plenty of time to sober up for the long ass drive home. Lauren neglected to mention that she lived on the moon. We played a fun game that I never learned the name of but it was vaguely like Balderdash except cooler. Everyone wrote down an answer to a question [Things You Shouldn’t Say to your Grandma] and then people had to guess at who said what. I overanalyzed a bit because I was aware that some strategies might include attempting to write answers like someone else, making fun of yourself as a false trail, guessing your own as someone else’s as a way of laying a false trail, etc etc. I left for home around 4 in the morning and didn’t find out until I actually started driving that I was still a wee bit drunk. So I drove slowly and super carefully the rest of the way home. My fudge was a big hit

Sunday I cleaned the hell out of my apartment. Something in it smelled like rotten food and I never ended up finding it so I believe that something died in the wall. Perhaps my neighbor killed someone and hid them in the wall? It still smells vaguely of bad cabbage. I also took some pictures and did that clich? of lich?s – practicing my guitar outside in the nice weather. I also started watching The Guns of Navarone [I like my old movies].

Here are some cool phrases I invented in the same vein as the line from Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy: “I’m so hip, I can’t see over my pelvis.”

  • I’m so bright, my mom calls me son.
  • I’m so slick, I’m often mistaken for an oil spill.
  • I’m so smooth, _______.
  • I’m so cool, I’m a national penguin reserve.
  • I’m so hot, _______.
  • I’m so sweet, _______.

Okay, so I didn’t think of all that many. If you have any ideas to fill in the others let me know.

Here is the recipe for the fudge I made.

  • 4.5 cups of sugar
  • 2 tablespoons of butter
  • 12 ounces of evaporated milk
  • a pinch of salt
  • 12 ounces of semi-sweet morsels
  • 12 ounces of another type of chocolate, hell maybe use peanut butter morsels or butterscotch ones. I used Special Dark morsels.
  • 2 cups of marshmallow cream


  1. Boil the milk, sugar and butter for 6 minutes or thereabouts. You’ll need to stir it up first, and once or twice while boiling. Thats a lot of sugar.
  2. Put the morsels and marshmallow cream in a big bowl.
  3. Spray some wax paper with cooking spray and use it to line a 9 x 13 dish.
  4. Realize you’ve forgotten about the boiling sugar thing and panic needlessly cause its fine.
  5. Pour boiling mixture over morsels and cream
  6. Stir for about five minutes or until it starts to thicken. If you want, at the start of this step you could put some cinnamon or orange extract [I don’t know how much because this is my own addition] into it to make slightly cinnamon-y fudge or slightly orange-y fudge.
  7. Pour into 9 x 13 dish, cover and let sit overnight

Don’t refrigerate unless you want the fudge to get dry and hard or if it isn’t firm enough for your taste.

4 thoughts on “Incoming Assault

  1. I’m so sweet, I cause diabetic shock, resulting in a lengthy hospital stay.

    I’m so hot, I set your car on fire this morning.

    I’m so smooth, ’cause of the vaseline I rubbed down in this morning.

  2. Secretary is a lovely film. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed it each time I’ve sat down to watch it.

    Funny thing about the high schoolers digging the college kids: Emmy has said the same thing goes on with her. Well, as long as it’s legal and consensual, have a nice time, I’ll always say.

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