Incoming Assault

Friday’s adven­tures in the land of Habi­tat for Human­i­ty were alright. Since the weath­er fore­cast was a bit ran­dom we start­ed out work­ing in the HfH head­quar­ters and I cleaned old dry­wall seal­er and primer out of buck­ets with the kid of the guy who is get­ting a house built. There were a bunch of high school seniors there doing work for a senior project and the girls start­ed out sort­ing nails and then one of them came over to clean buck­ets with me. She total­ly want­ed me. It fig­ures, because high school girls didn’t want me in high school they would obvi­ous­ly want me now. So I talked to her [read hit on her] and found out she plays lacrosse and is going to Mia­mi of Ohio for col­lege. In the after­noon we went to a site and spread top­soil in the yard in prepa­ra­tion for the folks who were sched­uled to move in the next day. I did much shov­el­ing and rak­ing and wheel­bar­row­ing. That evening I was quite exhaust­ed so I just made fudge and went to sleep.

Sat­ur­day was my fun day. I didn’t do much apart from play­ing Star­craft and watch­ing Sec­re­tary. It was anoth­er sol­id film dis­trib­uted by Lion’s Gate that dealt quite inter­est­ing­ly with sado­masochism. Instead of mak­ing it into some­thing deviant, it is both empow­er­ing and addic­tive to both par­ties in this film. I also watched all of the films in my new Ani­ma­tion Show DVD. It is an awe­some DVD and is going to be a good start in my col­lec­tion of ani­mat­ed DVDs.

Sat­ur­day evening was a par­ty over at Lauren’s place. I took my fudge, a bot­tle of Vam­pire Caber­net Sauvi­gnon and The Ani­ma­tion Show DVD to show a short or two. I met a few of Lauren’s friends and final­ly met Patrick’s Genevieve. I quick­ly became the drunk per­son at the par­ty, which was good because it gave me plen­ty of time to sober up for the long ass dri­ve home. Lau­ren neglect­ed to men­tion that she lived on the moon. We played a fun game that I nev­er learned the name of but it was vague­ly like Balder­dash except cool­er. Every­one wrote down an answer to a ques­tion [Things You Shouldn’t Say to your Grand­ma] and then peo­ple had to guess at who said what. I over­an­a­lyzed a bit because I was aware that some strate­gies might include attempt­ing to write answers like some­one else, mak­ing fun of your­self as a false trail, guess­ing your own as some­one else’s as a way of lay­ing a false trail, etc etc. I left for home around 4 in the morn­ing and didn’t find out until I actu­al­ly start­ed dri­ving that I was still a wee bit drunk. So I drove slow­ly and super care­ful­ly the rest of the way home. My fudge was a big hit

Sun­day I cleaned the hell out of my apart­ment. Some­thing in it smelled like rot­ten food and I nev­er end­ed up find­ing it so I believe that some­thing died in the wall. Per­haps my neigh­bor killed some­one and hid them in the wall? It still smells vague­ly of bad cab­bage. I also took some pic­tures and did that clich? of lich?s — prac­tic­ing my gui­tar out­side in the nice weath­er. I also start­ed watch­ing The Guns of Navarone [I like my old movies].

Here are some cool phras­es I invent­ed in the same vein as the line from Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy: “I’m so hip, I can’t see over my pelvis.”

  • I’m so bright, my mom calls me son.
  • I’m so slick, I’m often mis­tak­en for an oil spill.
  • I’m so smooth, _______.
  • I’m so cool, I’m a nation­al pen­guin reserve.
  • I’m so hot, _______.
  • I’m so sweet, _______.

Okay, so I didn’t think of all that many. If you have any ideas to fill in the oth­ers let me know.

Here is the recipe for the fudge I made.

  • 4.5 cups of sug­ar
  • 2 table­spoons of but­ter
  • 12 ounces of evap­o­rat­ed milk
  • a pinch of salt
  • 12 ounces of semi-sweet morsels
  • 12 ounces of anoth­er type of choco­late, hell maybe use peanut but­ter morsels or but­ter­scotch ones. I used Spe­cial Dark morsels.
  • 2 cups of marsh­mal­low cream


  1. Boil the milk, sug­ar and but­ter for 6 min­utes or there­abouts. You’ll need to stir it up first, and once or twice while boil­ing. Thats a lot of sug­ar.
  2. Put the morsels and marsh­mal­low cream in a big bowl.
  3. Spray some wax paper with cook­ing spray and use it to line a 9 x 13 dish.
  4. Real­ize you’ve for­got­ten about the boil­ing sug­ar thing and pan­ic need­less­ly cause its fine.
  5. Pour boil­ing mix­ture over morsels and cream
  6. Stir for about five min­utes or until it starts to thick­en. If you want, at the start of this step you could put some cin­na­mon or orange extract [I don’t know how much because this is my own addi­tion] into it to make slight­ly cin­na­mon-y fudge or slight­ly orange-y fudge.
  7. Pour into 9 x 13 dish, cov­er and let sit overnight

Don’t refrig­er­ate unless you want the fudge to get dry and hard or if it isn’t firm enough for your taste.

4 Replies

  • I’m so sweet, I cause dia­bet­ic shock, result­ing in a lengthy hos­pi­tal stay.

    I’m so hot, I set your car on fire this morn­ing.

    I’m so smooth, ’cause of the vase­line I rubbed down in this morn­ing.

  • Sec­re­tary is a love­ly film. I’ve thor­ough­ly enjoyed it each time I’ve sat down to watch it.

    Fun­ny thing about the high school­ers dig­ging the col­lege kids: Emmy has said the same thing goes on with her. Well, as long as it’s legal and con­sen­su­al, have a nice time, I’ll always say.

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