Window

I’m going to get a new win­dow in my apart­ment. I should be ter­ri­bly excit­ed I sup­pose, except that my apart­ment also needs new clos­et doors, new cab­i­nets, new car­pet and a good scrub­bing by a Haz­Mat team. Also, the com­mu­ni­ca­tion of the land­lord to the ten­ants is of the high­est tech­nol­o­gy. Some­one slid a bare­ly leg­i­ble hand­writ­ten note under­neath my door stat­ing that on Tues­day May 27th my apart­ment would be get­ting a new win­dow. It also stat­ed that the ten­ant must be present dur­ing the entire time of the instal­la­tion which is sched­uled from 8am till ??. So it basi­cal­ly blows an entire day of work and an entire day of pos­si­ble fun so I can sit around and watch some guy with plumber butt bust out the old win­dow, take a break, fit the sill for a new win­dow, take a break, smoke a cig­a­rette, take a break, take a break, smell up my apart­ment, make it dirty, take a break, put in the new win­dow, take a break, caulk and seal it [if i’m lucky], take a break and take a break. I guess I’m sup­posed to make sure he won’t steal any­thing either. Oh yeah, Tues­day the 27th is actu­al­ly Thurs­day the 27th. So I don’t real­ly know when the hell this guy is going to show up.

Of course, per­haps the win­dow installer will be a Swedish biki­ni mod­el wear­ing noth­ing but the tool belt and she’ll need my help installing some fix­tures. It is more like­ly that she will be a Lat­vian with bad teeth that smells of onions and ran­cid sweat. It is even more like­ly that she will be a he with bad teeth, the kind of smell that takes the enam­el off of teeth [hence his bad teeth] and tools that grease every­thing they touch. That might sound bad, but that is what the guy who was installing a win­dow on the 3rd floor looked like yes­ter­day.

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