Critters in My Head

paranoia.jpgI might have talked about this be­fore, lord knows I’ve thought about it enough times. I don’t re­mem­ber. This could be nor­mal for­get­ting, un­sure­ty of whether I’ve dis­cussed this be­fore, or some­thing sin­is­ter and hid­den. This sort of gives me the willies. Thinking about it that is. It be­gins, like so many oth­er things, when I was lit­tle.

Since I’ve al­ways had an over­ac­tive imag­i­na­tion it prob­a­bly isn’t sur­pris­ing that I thought my par­ents were aliens. In fact, even­tu­al­ly I some­times won­dered whether every­one but me was an alien, all dressed in hu­man cos­tumes and play­ing a trick on me. [I nev­er felt that the aliens might be in their nat­ur­al skins and I was in cos­tume] I won­dered if I was an ex­hib­it in some sort of alien zoo, or whether I was be­ing ex­per­i­ment­ed on by sim­ply liv­ing my life. I won­dered who my re­al par­ents were and I missed them with­out know­ing them. Since I was fed and wa­tered and hosed off now and again, I was con­tent to be raised by aliens and usu­al­ly dis­missed the thought from my mind.

I al­so used to think, es­pe­cial­ly in church, that every­one, every­where, every­time, could see what I was think­ing. My thoughts ap­peared above my head in Garfieldesque thought bub­bles. They weren’t just words though, they were live ac­tion, lit­tle movies be­ing played in the thought bub­bles for every­one to see. Once I start­ed think­ing about sex, I’m sure my rat­ings picked up dra­mat­i­cal­ly. Especially in church. I was puz­zled as to why I could not see the thoughts of oth­er peo­ple and de­cid­ed that ei­ther they were aliens, and had this abil­i­ty, or were keep­ing my skill at thought-see­ing from man­i­fest­ing it­self.

Oftener I thought that I was an es­pe­cial­ly em­pow­ered per­son. That peo­ple knew this but pre­tend­ed not to in or­der that I might not re­al­ize my po­ten­tial or get some sort of God com­plex. I was sur­round­ed by a yel­low bright coro­na; I fair­ly glowed and peo­ple who could sense my pow­er were scared of me. I felt that I could lev­i­tate things, walk through sol­id ob­jects, con­jure el­e­men­tal forces, speak with an­i­mals and bend peo­ple to my will. Or, I could have done those things if I had been trained to tap that po­ten­tial. I tried to fig­ure it out my­self.

I’m sure some psy­chol­o­gist would quite en­joy pick­ing those things apart, the fact that my par­ents were aliens is a symp­tom of my own ear­ly recog­ni­tion of my au­ton­o­my and the sub­se­quent alien­ation that re­sult­ed in my re­al­iza­tion that I was not a part of what was clos­est to me. The feel­ing that every­one could read my thoughts is the re­sult of my child­hood anx­i­ety that knowl­edge was be­ing with­held from my thirsty mind. The re­pressed su­per­nor­mal pow­ers are ob­vi­ous­ly a rep­re­sen­ta­tion of the de­vel­op­ing bat­tle be­tween my id or ego or super­ego or what­ev­er.

Perhaps it is even a man­i­fes­ta­tion of an ear­ly Cartesian para­noia re­gard­ing the Great Deceiver. [That was Descartes, right?] I’m most­ly over that now, I think. I still won­der at it, at times. The aliens least of all, be­cause, by now, I’ve be­come like enough to aliens that I might as well be one. The oth­ers I’m not sure… The fact that I don’t think about them could ei­ther be a sign that I have out­grown such child­ish things, or that all you great de­ceivers have pret­ty much con­vinced me of my nor­mal­cy. The oth­er pos­si­bil­i­ty is that I have crit­ters liv­ing in my head.

6 thoughts on “Critters in My Head

  1. Hmmmmmmm.…
    I al­most want to feel in­sult­ed.
    But, yes, you have al­ways had a “vivid imag­i­na­tion” and I think you cre­at­ed these ideas in your mind to de­ac­ti­vate the bore­dom you may have felt. You have al­ways been cre­ative and want­ed to know “every­thing there was to “KNOW” (like all things be­gin­ning with “M”).
    ? Critters ? I’m sure.
    We all have those!

  2. how can i be sure you are re­al­ly this ‘mom’ per­son? for all i know you could be an alien.

  3. I al­ways fig­ured I came from Saturn. One of the out­er rings to be ex­act. Eventually I re­al­ized that this was wrong, and that I was re­al­ly a na­tive of the out­side face of Iapetus. Sometimes I won­der though… I sup­pose every­one has doubts about their in­hu­man­i­ty.

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