Crushes

daisy.jpgI work with two women that I think are just dandy. I’ve talked to the one on the third floor briefly and I was, just as briefly, her secret admir­er. The oth­er one has fan­tas­tic red hair. My crush­es on them swing like a pen­du­lum.

Cur­rent­ly, I am fas­ci­nat­ed by the blonde upstairs. This is due main­ly to the fact that I saw her twice last week and she said hel­lo to me, specif­i­cal­ly, both times. She has very nice eyes and mis­chie­vous lips that hint at her char­ac­ter. My cowork­ers refer to her as my 3rd floor girl­friend.

The red­head has amaz­ing long red hair that most peo­ple seem to think is dyed. If so it is a very good dye job. No one seems to know any­thing about her. She has quite nice skin and I saw her look­ing at my adi­das spezials last week. I refer to her as the ‘red­haired heartache.’

I’m leery of ask­ing either one to do any­thing with me. Main­ly because I am a gut­less cow­ard, but also because I’m still fig­ur­ing out what is accept­able in a work envi­ron­ment. I don’t want to get in trou­ble. Also, am I sup­posed to just go to their cube and ask ’em out to din­ner? I’m think­ing about it too much, I know. I’m just not good at strik­ing up con­ver­sa­tions out of the blue.

15 thoughts on “Crushes”

  1. That “red­head­ed heartache” looks cold-as-ice, my friend. I don’t know who your upstairs crush is, to say any­thing.

    An accept­able way to intro­duce your­self (pro­vid­ing none of you work on the same prod­uct, which, con­sid­er­ing your team’s prod­uct SUCKS and peo­ple that do work on it want noth­ing to do with it, is a slim chance 😉 would be to:

    a) shoot off an e‑mail of intro­duc­tion “Hel­lo, I’ve been stalk­ing you the past month. You just dropped your pen. Now you picked it up. Now, you real­ly should­n’t chew on pens. Any­ways, I look for­ward to see­ing you out­side your apart­ment at 4:15. Of course, you won”t see me. Until then”

    b) Peer in X’s cube while pass­ing, see if there’s any­thing pos­si­ble that you can talk about. (This might be a great chance to see the stills from var­i­ous home­made snuff films on her cube walls, thus sav­ing you becom­ing anoth­er sta­tis­tic). Then, go to sug­ges­tion (A).

    c) Join a work-based group that gives site-wide pre­sen­ta­tions. Then, dur­ing the Q&A time, call on her, regard­less of if she asked a ques­tion.

    d) Walk up to her cube, say “Hel­lo, I’m Adam. I’m 6’2”, mus­cu­lar, with long blonde wavey hair. I’ve been com­pared to an ear­ly Fabio. I like long walks on the beach and snug­gling at home”

    e) You could try..talking to her..

  2. are these meth­ods Patrick Test­ed and Approved™?

    your ‘cold as ice’ analy­sis might well be true, but some peo­ple think i’m cold like that too.

  3. Obvi­ous­ly, “e” is the best real option. Being female, I have had those “secret admir­er” type things, and you know — as sweet and mys­te­ri­ous as it may seem to you and as inno­cent as the inten­tions may be, from the oth­er end it tends to come off as creepy stalk­er. (sor­ry to tell you)

  4. Thank you, Genevieve. That was what I said ever so long ago… Good to have some back-up.

    I DO think b) can be effec­tive though. My friend Jef (although not try­ing to hit on me, I don’t think) struck up a con­ver­sa­tion with me over email when I first start­ed work­ing here when he saw an Ani post­card in my cube. All he did was send me an email say­ing, “So did you see Ani Difran­co when she came to OU?” and that was it. I’d nev­er ever spo­ken to him before then but of course jumped at the chance to yam­mer on with some­one who worked here who at least seemed to have remote­ly sim­i­lar inter­ests. It was non-stalk­ery and it kicked off a decent work-friend­ship.

  5. *OR*
    You could do what Patrick did when he first struck up a (non-roman­tic, don’t wor­ry, Genevieve) con­ver­sa­tion with me here:
    1) research her on-line until you find infor­ma­tion you can black­mail her with (such as a list of vul­gar nick­names for all your co-work­ers pub­lished on a humor-site);
    2) email her with said infor­ma­tion from your non-work email so that your iden­ti­ty can­not be eas­i­ly tracked down;
    3) tor­ment her until she is blind with rage at not being able to fig­ure out who the hell you are;
    4) final­ly, after days of tor­tur­ing her, reveal your iden­ti­ty and forge a deformed and mutat­ed and ugly (but last­ing!) friend­ship that involves much more tor­ment­ing and deceit and black­mail.

    In oth­er words, go with option b) or e). ; )

  6. What, nobody thinks (D) would work? It’s what I used to get Genevieve. Of course, she had no idea what Fabio looked like, so it was pret­ty easy to con­vince her that mil­lions of women, in fact, swoon over the geeky over­sen­si­tive guy look.

  8. Just pull a sven and nev­er talk to her and pine for her secret­ly. You have to make sure that you over­an­a­lyze and tor­ture your­self as much as pos­si­ble while you are at it.

  10. Con­fi­dence seems to be key. Or at least that is what my obser­va­tions seem to show. Even if it is a false con­fi­dence. All you have to do is make them *think* you are con­fi­dent. This fits the whole nice guys fin­ish last. Jerk/assholes seem to be very con­fi­dent and women seem to be drawn to these cocky bas­tards. Either that or ingore the girl and treat them like shit, but that only seems to work for red­necks and oth­er folk who are 1 step down Dar­win’s lad­der.

  12. actu­al­ly, I and oth­er women I know can see through the trans­par­ent cock­i­ness of the jerk/asshole type. And I am mar­ried to a nice guy who end­ed up with me sim­ply because he talked to me and became friends first.

  13. I’d say start by just say­ing hel­lo. After all you have to start some­where.

  15. why do men think they have to be cocky or con­fi­dent?  i get a kick out of the guys who stum­ble over their own words, it makes them seem nor­mal, and shows that they real­ly do get but­ter­flies when they look at you.  i think that’s cute.  🙂

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