na.jpg I thought this week­end would do a bit to raise my low­ly of late spir­its. It did while I was with my fam­i­ly, but com­ing back to my apart­ment and find­ing a note say­ing my June rent was ‘over­due’ was enough to dri­ve me back into apa­thy and bit­ter­ness. Appar­ent­ly it doesn’t take much. Appar­ent­ly there is always stu­pid crap to deal with and appar­ent­ly I need to learn to deal with the fact that there is stu­pid crap to deal.

The weath­er­men care about their jobs just about as much as I care about my life. Noth­ing real­ly has a val­ue to it at the moment. I guess I am look­ing for val­ue then. Cur­rent­ly my life seems filled with me explain­ing to peo­ple why I don’t owe them mon­ey. Since April I’ve been call­ing Ver­i­zon Wire­less every two weeks because I’ve been get­ting a bill every two weeks because the stu­pid sales­woman didn’t do her job cor­rect­ly and start­ed a new account with­out can­cel­ing my old one. Actu­al­ly, she did every­thing wrong, I was sup­posed to get a 17% dis­count on my plan but my bill end­ed up being more than twice as much as before. I esti­mate that I called Ver­i­zon Wire­less 6 to 10 times before I man­aged to get out of the $275 bill/early can­cel­la­tion morass.

Then dis­cov­er­ing that my apart­ment lost my rent check from a month ago but thinks I didn’t pay and now wants an extra fifty bucks from me and didn’t both­er ask­ing about it until I paid my July rent despite the fact that my check was with the note about my leak­ing bath­tub and they came in and fixed my bath­tub so what, you ask, hap­pened to the rent check and I say yes, that is a good ques­tion and one I am not going to pay an extra fifty bucks to find the answer for. This is par­tial­ly my fault as I have been men­tion­ing that the apart­ment had not cashed my check and that I wasn’t going to ask about it until they came to me.

It has been sug­gest­ed to me that I can get out of this funk by get­ting involved in some type of ser­vice. It bears look­ing in to. I signed up to work one week­end a month for Habi­tat a while ago, but they nev­er called back. I should call and vol­un­teer. And/or I should find the near­est Knights of Colum­bus and become involved in what­ev­er ser­vice stuff they’ve got going on. The less inter­nal­ized I am at this point the bet­ter.

I wrote some­one an email yes­ter­day that said the hope­ful man in me might seem fee­ble but has a loud heart. I hope he can have more than just a loud heart one of these days.

4 Replies

  • I was read­ing the paper yes­ter­day and I saw a very strange add that I thought I’d share:
    “Mar­moset prob­lems? Traps for cheap guarun­teed to fin­ish the bas­tards. Non­tox­ic trap- mar­moset is good eatin’! End the nui­sance of mar­moset dam­age today- (440) 234‑5555”

    Isn’t that weird? I didn’t even know you could say “bas­tard” in the news­pa­per.

  • I like the idea that you pay your apart­ment for stay­ing in it. I’ve nev­er heard it phrased that way. Like the apart­ment is a per­son, or a dog that needs to be fed, or some­thing. Any­way, about the phone bills and every­thing else: I sym­pa­thize… it can real­ly suck to deal with these kinds of com­pa­nies. My own home phone hasn’t been work­ing for months. I can sched­ule a repair, but they’ll only come “between 7am and 7pm” which means I’d have to take off an entire day from work. I did this once before, and the repair took 3 hours or some­thing. The line then worked for about a month, then stopped again. I think my phone line stops work­ing every time some­one else in my build­ing gets a new phone line or gets any kind of work done by the phone com­pa­ny…

  • No mat­ter where you go, you’re still there. I know you are always seek­ing out new ways to grow and to improve upon your­self (in hopes to remove much of your self-maligned attrib­ut­es), but even as you do grow you’re build­ing upon a base that you your­self have found unsta­ble. So, from time to time, you’re going to look around and only see an unhap­py reminder of the past–whether in your emo­tions, apart­ment, phone, or relationships–and won­der why all the work you’ve done hasn’t rid you of your old pains. The truth: you will nev­er rid your­self of the past, and until your dying day it will attempt to rein­te­grate itself into your con­scious­ness. Just real­ize that although you can­not escape the past, you can keep it from dic­tat­ing your present and future.

  • Well spo­ken NeaL.

    The words that enlight­en the soul are more pre­cious than jew­els.” — Khan

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