na.jpg I thought this week­end would do a bit to raise my low­ly of late spir­its. It did while I was with my fam­i­ly, but com­ing back to my apart­ment and find­ing a note say­ing my June rent was ‘over­due’ was enough to dri­ve me back in­to ap­a­thy and bit­ter­ness. Apparently it doesn’t take much. Apparently there is al­ways stu­pid crap to deal with and ap­par­ent­ly I need to learn to deal with the fact that there is stu­pid crap to deal.

The weath­er­men care about their jobs just about as much as I care about my life. Nothing re­al­ly has a val­ue to it at the mo­ment. I guess I am look­ing for val­ue then. Currently my life seems filled with me ex­plain­ing to peo­ple why I don’t owe them mon­ey. Since April I’ve been call­ing Verizon Wireless every two weeks be­cause I’ve been get­ting a bill every two weeks be­cause the stu­pid sales­wom­an didn’t do her job cor­rect­ly and start­ed a new ac­count with­out can­cel­ing my old one. Actually, she did every­thing wrong, I was sup­posed to get a 17% dis­count on my plan but my bill end­ed up be­ing more than twice as much as be­fore. I es­ti­mate that I called Verizon Wireless 6 to 10 times be­fore I man­aged to get out of the $275 bill/​early can­cel­la­tion morass.

Then dis­cov­er­ing that my apart­ment lost my rent check from a mon­th ago but thinks I didn’t pay and now wants an ex­tra fifty bucks from me and didn’t both­er ask­ing about it un­til I paid my July rent de­spite the fact that my check was with the note about my leak­ing bath­tub and they came in and fixed my bath­tub so what, you ask, hap­pened to the rent check and I say yes, that is a good ques­tion and one I am not go­ing to pay an ex­tra fifty bucks to find the an­swer for. This is par­tial­ly my fault as I have been men­tion­ing that the apart­ment had not cashed my check and that I wasn’t go­ing to ask about it un­til they came to me.

It has been sug­gest­ed to me that I can get out of this funk by get­ting in­volved in some type of ser­vice. It bears look­ing in to. I signed up to work one week­end a mon­th for Habitat a while ago, but they nev­er called back. I should call and vol­un­teer. And/​or I should find the near­est Knights of Columbus and be­come in­volved in what­ev­er ser­vice stuff they’ve got go­ing on. The less in­ter­nal­ized I am at this point the bet­ter.

I wrote some­one an email yes­ter­day that said the hope­ful man in me might seem fee­ble but has a loud heart. I hope he can have more than just a loud heart one of the­se days.

4 thoughts on “N/​A

  1. I was read­ing the pa­per yes­ter­day and I saw a very strange add that I thought I’d share:
    “Marmoset prob­lems? Traps for cheap guarun­teed to fin­ish the bas­tards. Nontoxic trap- mar­moset is good eat­in’! End the nui­sance of mar­moset dam­age to­day- (440) 2345555

    Isn’t that weird? I didn’t even know you could say “bas­tard” in the news­pa­per.

  2. I like the idea that you pay your apart­ment for stay­ing in it. I’ve nev­er heard it phrased that way. Like the apart­ment is a per­son, or a dog that needs to be fed, or some­thing. Anyway, about the phone bills and every­thing else: I sym­pa­thize… it can re­al­ly suck to deal with the­se kinds of com­pa­nies. My own home phone hasn’t been work­ing for months. I can sched­ule a re­pair, but they’ll on­ly come “be­tween 7am and 7pm” which means I’d have to take off an en­tire day from work. I did this on­ce be­fore, and the re­pair took 3 hours or some­thing. The line then worked for about a mon­th, then stopped again. I think my phone line stops work­ing every time some­one else in my build­ing gets a new phone line or gets any kind of work done by the phone com­pa­ny…

  3. No mat­ter where you go, you’re still there. I know you are al­ways seek­ing out new ways to grow and to im­prove up­on your­self (in hopes to re­move much of your self-ma­ligned at­trib­ut­es), but even as you do grow you’re build­ing up­on a base that you your­self have found un­sta­ble. So, from time to time, you’re go­ing to look around and on­ly see an un­hap­py re­minder of the past – whether in your emo­tions, apart­ment, phone, or re­la­tion­ships – and won­der why all the work you’ve done hasn’t rid you of your old pains. The truth: you will nev­er rid your­self of the past, and un­til your dy­ing day it will at­tempt to rein­te­grate it­self in­to your con­scious­ness. Just re­al­ize that al­though you can­not es­cape the past, you can keep it from dic­tat­ing your present and fu­ture.

  4. Well spo­ken NeaL.

    “The words that en­light­en the soul are more pre­cious than jew­els.” — Khan

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