Willem Dafoe was the devil and had made a movie in the tradition of The True Story of the 3 Little Pigs. For some reason, my subconscious chooses Willem Dafoe to be the face of evil when I dream.
We were in my fourth grade classroom again, [for whatever reason I’ve been dreaming of that often] and Dafoe had the slide projector rigged to show us the movie. There were these big hulking demons on the sides of the room dressed like secret service pro wrestling agents. That is to say, they were the size of pro wrestlers but dressed like the secret service. We are going to be forced to listen to Willem Dafoe the Devil’s rhetoric [that is a cool phrase, the devil’s rhetoric] but I’m not scared.
So the movie/slide-show starts and now I’m in the movie and I’m the devil in the movie. I’m a really lousy devil with a misunderstood idea of what true evil is. My assignment is Bilbo Baggins. I walk through his house, which is too small for me and he doesn’t even notice me although he should be able to. I steal the Ring of Power and hide it in a jar of flour in the kitchen. It is both Christmastime and summer at the same time. Bilbo is freaking out because he can’t find his ring, I feed his anxiety to the point that he thinks perhaps the ring is baked into a cookie that he finds under his Christmas tree. He beats the cookies on the ground a few times, then looks at me hiding in the ceiling corner and says Jesus Christ, which freaks me out and expels me from the house. Now I’m in a gazebo on the hill above Bag End, floating/flying and frustrated that I got kicked out so easily. Then I notice the top of the gazebo is crowned with a cheap plastic Holy Mary figurine from a McDonald’s Happy Meal™. As soon as I notice that I am propelled to a nearby tree which is very similar to the one found at my aunt’s house. This tree is filled with cheapie Christmas decoration type glowing saints and angels. I have to escape, but it takes me awhile to build up speed while flying, inertia being what it is. I go about a quarter of a mile away and by now I’ve built up a decent amount of speed and am glowing with the heat. I swing around the tree and gazebo and seek out Bilbo inside Bag End and bite him.