The Celibate Life

benedick.jpgThat a woman conceived me, I thank her; that she
brought me up, I likewise give her most humble
thanks: but that I will have a recheat winded in my
forehead, or hang my bugle in an invisible baldrick,
all women shall pardon me. Because I will not do
them the wrong to mistrust any, I will do myself the
right to trust none; and the fine is, for the which
I may go the finer, I will live a bachelor.

-Much Ado About Nothing: Act I, Scene I

I figure since I’m not confident enough to actually ask a woman on a date and since I’m tired of having this unconfidence bug me I can kill two birds with one stone by adopting the celibate life. So, no grandchildren for you mother; sorry. I’m also a tightwad, dating is expensive and poor economics to boot. I’ll take as my role model Sir Benedick of Padua from Much Ado About Nothing. A man of sharp wit, pragmatic in action and noble of soul, Sir Benedick is the consummate bachelor.

I also have an ulterior motive for my supposed celibacy.

Is’t come to this? In faith, hath not the world
one man but he will wear his cap with suspicion?
Shall I never see a bachelor of three-​score again?
Go to, i’ faith; an thou wilt needs thrust thy neck
into a yoke, wear the print of it and sigh away

23 thoughts on “The Celibate Life

  1. Are you living back in the ’50’s or something?? Dating? Expensive? You know, there are PLENTY of chicks out there who will happily pay for themselves and in fact INSIST on doing so. So dating shouldn’t be really any more expensive than having friends.

  2. What you say is true, I do live in the ‘50s in some ways. I feel like a sucker if I don’t pay, at least the first time ’round.

  3. 1 — I second Lauren. not only for myself, but *every* girl/​woman I have ever been friends with is actually moderately offended and thinks they’re on a date with an old-​fashioneed chauvanist if a guy they are on a casual first or second date with insists on paying for them. It goes along with the implications that either you think she should be at married, at home, and pregnant soon or you expect something in exchange for paying. Splitting the bill is definitely the norm.

  4. OKay, I have an idea.
    It’s crazy, but it just-​might-​work!

    *Ask a woman (or a guy, if you are of that persuasion) to:
     — Coffee
     — Lunch
     — make up your own!
    * They will either say yes or no
    * If they say yes, you have a DATE!

    And, seriously, women nowadays do not expect to be paid for all the time, at least not the types you’d probably want to date. But, even if so, I think your cheap ass can afford 1.50 for a cup of coffee for ‘em.

  5. thinks they’re on a date with an old-​fashioneed chauvanist if a guy they are on a casual first or second date with insists on paying for them. It goes along with the implications that either you think she should be at married, at home, and pregnant soon or you expect something in exchange for paying.

    Just because someone is old-​fashioned doesn’t mean they are a chauvinist. I can see how those things could be and probably are easily assumed but that does not mitigate the unfairness of the assumption.

  6. Agony? Shit, you’re asking someone out on a date. Come on.
    I mean, I am the worst..ungodly..horrible and shy about things like this. Ask Genevieve. But, if you’re going to be a Confirmed Bachelor, be it ’cause you *want* to be single, not ’cause you’re wussing out on asking someone out. You don’t have a large deformity, you’re an attratice and semi-​charming fellow and you’re not sleazy. No girl would be offended or weirded out by being asked out by you.

  7. You know,I am going to have to agree with my brother on this one. Coming from a single girl’s point of view,the coffee idea is a good one. I tend to have the rule that whomever does the asking for the date,should pay. I have paid for dates before,and I have found that the guy is genuinely surprised. But I don’t mind,because I’ll pay if I asked HIM out.
    Now,I do not think that just because someone is old fashioned,they are a chauvanist. I think the old fashioned thing is kind of nice. Door opening,pulling out chairs,offering to pay the bill…that is what I call a gentleman. And just because they offer,doesn’t mean I will let them pay the bill. It’s just nice to have the offer.
    And as for you deciding to be a bachelor because you are “a wuss”,then I sigh and say get over it. Being alone is not fun and it will get old real quick. You’re going to want someone to share your life with,to take to the movies,to make dinner for,to cuddle with at night. The whole asking girls out can be a tricky thing. But in the end it’s worth it. Because you will gain that confidance and maybe even find that person who makes you happy.

  8. dont give up adam! im a pansy too, but im not giving up. but my problem is.…how do i go up to the girl that plays flute in the band at church??

  9. well hell, you play good guitar, join the band. church songs are easy to learn.

    or better yet, ask her if there is room in the band for another person.

  10. Because you want to take “asking out” advice from a guy whose deciding on a life of celibacy to avoid it 😉

  11. My personal rule has always been: never date a man that thinks chivalry is dead.

    Unfortunately, one persons kindness might be anothers form of sexism. I don’t think it implies anything for a man to hold the door for me, or pay for my meal.
    I think it does many a good disservice to equate such actions as being old fashioned, or even worse “chauvanistic” or “sexist”.

    I believe though that if I ask (for a date), I pay, and if he asks, he pays.

    I have never been offended, or considered someone a chauvanist, for offering to pay for my meal. I think it is kind, and would actually worry if after every date I was tossed the bill.

  12. i don’t think you’ve picked the best role model for this situation, is not signor benedick a confirmed bachlor until he declares love for beatrice and proclaims by the end of the play he wonders why one would not marry? don’t be so hard on yourself, we all go through it. yes the idea of rejection is terrifying but if you never ask then you will be alone.
    does being alone make you happy?

  13. My $0.02:
    I think the underlying point/​theme is that you have to be comfortable with who yourself and your situation before things happen. In otherwords taking on the whole committed to bacherlorhood, if taken seriously, might lead to you best shot. Sort of like how women seem to be attracted to gay/​engaged/​married men. If you seem to be off the books that somehow makes you more desireable. So either you need to go gay, get engaged/​married, or just proclaim yourself a lifelong bachelor. I think you did the last thing just now…so hang around women, proclaim your bacelorhood proudly and they will flock to you…(I mean why not, I don’t see how it could be that bad of an idea)

  14. Confirmed batchelor” is a term that was used up until the mid 20th century as a euphamism for gay, in a time when a man couldn’t be out in mainstream society.

  15. Hang out a book stores — guys are always hitting on me while I’m seriously trying to memorize CSS code for relative positioning!

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