Kissing Poll

A question for the ladies:

If a man does not try to kiss you on a first date, how would you be likely to interpret that [lack of] action?

see also here.

19 thoughts on “Kissing Poll

  1. wow.

    perhaps i’m old fashioned, despite being extremely liberal. i can honestly say that i’m not interested in a kiss on the first date. back in the day, when i dated ALOT, i didn’t want that pressure, for myself or for the other person, even if i really felt a strong sense of attraction. if there’s an obvious connection, the kiss will come in time. there’s no need to make it happen just because it’s the ‘first date.’ i’d want it to happen because we both felt the desire for it, not because it fits into some set ‘how to’ standard. if there was a kiss, i never freaked out. but i do consider kissing to be as intimate and as sensual as sex, so i really want there to be an understood/discussed connection before i share it. generally that’s not developed yet on a first date. this is just one opinion. every girl is different. what kind of girl would you want, adam?

  2. It’s true, this differs girl to girl, but I don’t think the kiss is “pressure” on either parties. A kiss, to the girls I’ve dated at least, as well as myself, is not an intimate as sex. I’ve kissed girls I’ve never slept with (I would hope most people have 😉 To me, it’s a whole different realm. But, again, this does differ person to person.

    From my own experience, the girls that I did not show interest in (which, to be honest, were usually the girls I was not interested in), by either kissing or showing some sort of physical affection. Well, they thought I was gay. It’s funny and I joke about it, but it’s true.

    In my opinion, there’s no quicker way to get the “I think of you as just a friend” other than to act just like one.

  3. I also kind of resent the whole “old fashioned” comparison.
    Like kissing someone on the first date is somehow *new*.

    Shit, my grandma brags about the fact she didn’t *sleep with* my grandpa on the first date.

  4. perhaps i shouldn’t have said as intimate as sex. they are definately two different realms there. i guess i also have kissed so many people growing up, that when i finally found someone who i wanted to spend my life with, kissing became something completely different, and i held it much more deeply than i had ever before. perhaps this all changes now being single again? as i said, i think it comes down to every girl is different adam, and i’d just trust your gut in the moment. if she’s already digging you, she’ll dig you more if you’re someone who has a great sense of yourself and follows your gut, whatever that might mean…as long as following your gut does not mean asking to smell her panties. 😉

  5. I don’t think there’s “rules”. And “kiss” means many things other than “lingering, intimate, open mouthed kiss”. What I was trying to get accross was that to differentiate a date from just going out to dinner with a friend, there has to be *something*. If not a kiss, then holding hands, putting your arm around someone – something to indicate that you are attracted to each other. I don’t think it’s a pressure thing – kissing someone on the lips for a second as you say goodbye is in no way saying “let’s hop in the sack”. And if the dat’e going badly and there’s no chemistry, both parties will know it by then and there’s pretty definite body language signals that say “don’t touch me”.

  6. Well I actually DON’T kiss on the first date. I see nothing wrong with taking your time with those things. I don’t think if a guy didn’t try to make a move that I would think he was gay or not interested. Because if he was either one of those he wouldn’t be on a date with me. I think it’s disturbing how men have forgotten how to be gentleman these days. Like it’s a foreign concept. On my mom and step dad’s first date, he ASKED if he could hold her hand. I think that’s classy. I view kissing as an intimate thing and not something to be done just because it’s expected.

  7. Not kissing on a first date does not= being a gentleman. Sure, it can be a sign of it, but it can equally cause the other to ask if the other person was really interested in them.

    Neither of us are saying that you HAVE TO kiss someone on the first date. But, we’re saying it’s, in this day and age, perfectly acceptable and not in any way/shape/form out of the ordinary.

  8. Now on a second date? It should come more naturally at that point. I would have to agree with Maura on this though. The importance of taking your time and making it special has been lost these days. It a society where sex itself has been deemed something that can be “casual” kissing has lost it’s intimacy. And kissing,especially that first kiss,can be really memorable and special.

  9. Of course if you don’t kiss on the first date you’re not automatically a gentleman. But you can also tell if a guy is not interested in you so the whole kissing thing would not be an issue. A guy simply wouldn’t go on a date with you if he wasn’t interested. And it wouldn’t be out of the ordinary if a guy at least tried to make a move. But if he EXPECTED it? Well let’s just say I have a good right hook.

  10. I think the problem occurs when you don’t know if it is a date to begin with. Most people do not go “Do you want to Date me?” they ask someone to coffee or to dinner. I’ve invited Adam to dinner before, that doesn’t mean I expect him to put out. You can often not know if someone ins interested in you as a friend or more. Just because you’re going out together doesn’t necessarily mean anything.

  11. For me, the kiss at the end of the date isn’t as indicative as whether or not he calls when he says he will (Ususally, the next day).

    People kiss people all the time, regardless of their true feelings. Heck, some people even sleep with people they aren’t the lease bit interested in.

    Even if the date goes well (and I feel a connection) and someone kisses me at the end of it, I still don’t fully believe thier word until they keep their promise to call.

  12. Well first off,I think Adam WOULD put out for you,let’s be honest here. You’re a catch! Also,maybe it’s because I’ve dated more than you (I’m not saying that like I’m cool..really it’s depressing) but I KNOW if someone is interested when they ask me out. It’s just something I can tell. Maybe it’s the look in the eyes,or the tone of voice…I don’t know. But I guess my point is,at least for ME there is never a question of are they interested or not. You know who is a friend and who is attracted to you. So the kiss is always my call, and me being the girl I can say that. So there :)~

  13. If it was a stranger or near stranger fixup, I’d kiss if I felt sparky and wanted to see him again. If it was more of a friends-seeing-if-there-is- something-more thing, of course I’d kiss! Good grief, that’s the point of going out on a date!

  14. I would interpret it as he actually liked me and wanted to take things slow, especially if he asked for another date or seemed interested in hanging out more.

  15. I think if you don’t SHAG on the first date, it’s an indicator that the relationship will not progress and will just end up turning sour.

    Kissing’s for pansies.

  16. Ok, so why not get it over with right up front? A quick peck on the cheek as a greeting on the first date? Something simple, quick to relieve some of the pressure of this whole kissing thing? Then at the end of the night when a similar farewell may be ventured, it could be come more if both parties were interested?

  17. I would interpret it in the following ways.

    #1 in my mind would be that I thought he wasn’t interested in me / only liked me as a friend / thought kissing me would be like kissing his sister.

    The secondary thoughts would be “is he gay?”, “is he celibate?”, and then most likely I would conclude that if it wasn’t #1, and he did like me, then he mist be very old-fashioned (re – Victorian) and/or subscribe to a very strict John Ashcroft type of puritanism where-in pre-marital kissing and dancing and such are mortal sins.

    Not engaging in heavy making-out and not sleeping with someone on a first date can be charming and indicates that a guy is really not a sleaze (however, the opposite doesn’t mean he is a sleaze either, just increases the possibility). However, at least a good night kiss (even just a short closed-mouth kiss on the lips) is to be expected if it is really a date and not just friends hanging out together.

  18. I suppose now would be a good time to explain myself. If I’m on a first date, I’m a pretty formal person. I try to keep my etiquette impeccable as a gesture of respect to the girl I’m with. A kiss at the end of the night to me is not a necessary thing on a first date. I might want one, but I won’t take it, because I’m not comfortable doing so.

    Reading the responses on here and on Ask MetaFilter lead me to believe that it boils down to expectations. Since I am a person who tries to have as few expectations and assumptions and judgments about other people as possible, I think I have absorbed that mindset to such a point that I assume [oh the irony] that if I am on a first date, the girl has just as few expectations as I have. So, a no-kiss end to the evening, while comfortable to me, seems to send lots of strange [to me] messages to the girl. It seems, in most cases, to be an expected thing to do. I just don’t fit the mold.

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