I am pretty consistently pulled in two distinct directions. In one, I feel that my life should be full of celebrity and glory. That I should be famous and contribute to the betterment of mankind. It rejects the comfort and mundanity of working a normal job and living a normal life.

The other side, is of course, working a normal job and living a normal life. The relative simplicity and less dreamlike goals that this one contains also appeal to me. I see nothing wrong with living a quiet unambitious life and gaining personal celebrity and glory through small things done well. It rejects the American Dream mentality.

In either case though, I still feel like I’m buying in to some sort of system. I guess I am since culture and society are systems. Perhaps it is better to say that I feel as if I were betraying something by choosing one or the other. I can’t figure out what other options are available. I can’t seem to reimagine or think outside of these two boxes.

I think I am missing glory at this time. I think of where I was in college, being on a National Championship team, being perceptive where it mattered, writing poetry that seemed to impress people. And it isn’t compliments or recognition I am particularly fishing for. Those are nice, but glory only shows up when I know it for truth myself. And yeah, glory is fleeting, that is what makes it so special. But it is addictive too, I want to feel it again. That is why I want to do things that are Large or Impressive or Perceptive. But I can sort of see the glory and pride of having a good marriage and raising some kids that will be Larger and Impressiver and Perceptiver than I am.

But here I am again, only seeing two options. There have got to be more.

One thought on “Glory

  1. Of course there are more options, but we seem to inherently think in binaries.

    Perhaps “glory” is not the right term anyway. It seems like you refer to having meaningful experiences or exchanges that reveal that you are part of something bigger, that your contribution to the world counts.
    It’s post-college graduate syndrome–to feel that lack.
    that’s my read on it, anyway.

    and there is no reason you can’t have both the “glory” of a quiet family life and the “glory” of bettering the world and finding meaning outside of everyday life.
    I think I would go crazy if I could not have both because both are part of me.

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