I had some friends over on Saturday for movies. We ordered Big Guy’s Pizza and watched some real raspberries in the world of cinema. Two reviews lie after the jump. We watched four, but I’m not going to review the ones I’d already seen.
Attack of the Killer Shrews was so bad it wasn’t even good. Here is a quick review. Here is a slightly longer one. It has nothing to do with this.
The giant shrews are dog-sized. Get your head around that. Actually they are just dogs with shag carpeting duct-taped to their backs. The token black man is the first killed [of course] and I detected a heavy dose of racism in the film. The black guy is named Rook Griswold. A rook is a big black cousin of the crow. Then the dogshrews chase him up a tree, effectively “treeing a coon.” Then they knock down the tree and eat him. Meanwhile, back at the compound, no one wonders why he is late. Stupid friggin’ movie. Unfortunately the racist overtones are probably the most coherent part of the movie. The other non-whitey gets it next. A Mexican named Mario who looks like Ron Jeremy. Then the scientist gets nibbled on and poisoned by the shrews, runs into the next room and keels over while typing “For every action there is an equal and opposi…” And the main scientist guy says with a note of pride “He did science to the last.” There is also this drunk guy who basically wigs out all the time. This movie is perhaps the dumbest thing I have ever seen. I’m going to stop writing about it before I get dumbererer.
The Haunting was a much better flick, a horror classic indeed. And the fact that Robert Wise directed the thing immediately gave it a special place in my heart. It has some pretty intense cinematography, which coupled with the heavy use of sound and doors that never remain open, do well to make things a bit eerie. I think it was Hitchcock [?] who said that the scariest thing he could ever show people was a closed door. Anyway, there aren’t many special effects, just some breath effects and a ridiculously amazing scene where a door flexes and bulges. The Haunting also has a sadomasochist lesbian subtext and heavy mirror symbolism [which I think probably has something to do with reflecting the otherworldly side of the house and the hidden things in the minds of the characters]. Apart from a wealth of hokey voice-over inner monologue the movie was great!