Méliès the Magician

Tuesday, 31 May 2005

It isn't often I do a DVD review, but then, when what I'm reviewing is a bunch of stuff from the beginning of the 20th century, I guess you have to make do. I finally sat down and watched all of Méliès the Magician a DVD that has been resting on my television for quite some time now.
Continue Reading

Wrecking Crews

Thursday, 26 May 2005

If I were in the fol­low­ing sit­u­a­tions I would want the fol­low­ing en­ti­ties as a part of my wreck­ing crew to get the job done.

1. Destroying a large me­te­or that is hurtling to­ward earth.

• John Henry the Steeldriving Man
• Buzz Aldrin
• Psyduck

Buzz flies us to the me­te­or, John Henry pro­ceeds to bust it up with his bi­gass ham­mer, and if all else fails, I’ll beat the shit out of Psyduck un­til he wigs out and dis­in­te­grates the me­te­or.

2. Obtaining the Moon on a neck­lace for my girl.

• The Man in the Moon
• The St. Pauli Girl
• Pierre Cartier

The St. Pauli Girl gets The Man in the Moon ham­mered un­til he pass­es out, then Pierre Cartier comes in and fash­ions a neck­lace around the drunk­en sot.

3. Figuring out how to keep my cab­i­net latch from un­latch­ing it­self.

• MacGyver
• Jay Arena [in­ven­tor of the child proof safe­ty cap]
HAL 9000

HAL 9000 stares at us while MacGyver us­es duct tape and a Swiss Army knife to fix the thing. Jay Arena en­sures it will be un­able to be opened by any­thing hu­man.

4. Defeating an army of heav­i­ly-armed cy­borg space pi­rates.

• The Master Chief
• Solid Snake
• one nin­ja

The Master Chief kills all the grunts while Solid Snake sneaks in the back door and kills the pi­rate king. Meanwhile the nin­ja and I fly around wail­ing on our gui­tars and pork­ing hot chicks.

5. Moving 10,000 chick­ens from one build­ing to an­oth­er in 10 min­utes.

• Gonzo
• Napoleon Dynamite
• The Colonel

’nuff said.

6. Walking down the street look­ing tough and cool.

• Captain Caveman
• Yngwie Malmsteen
• Uma Thurman

With Uma on my arm, Yngwie play­ing the high frets and Captain Caveman bean­ing any­one in our vicin­i­ty, I don’t think any­one will ar­gue about my tough­ness or cool­ness.

7. Winning a na­tion­al high school cheer­lead­ing con­test against a ri­val school who are cheaters and not as pret­ty as us any­way.

• Erwin Rommel
• George Patton
• Hannibal Lector

Rommel and Patton, in two tanks, du­el each oth­er, and as a re­sult kill/​crush/​blow-​up all the cheer­lead­ers in the com­pe­ti­tion. Meanwhile, Hannibal Lector kills and eats me to end my night­mare.

8. Finding the lit­tle tin of mem­o­ries I buried in the yard on Franklin street many years ago.

• A bea­gle
• Sigmund Freud
• Mole

Mole [from Wind in the Willows] does sap­per re­con while the bea­gle works above­ground. Freud psy­cho­an­a­lyzes my ass to de­ter­mine whether I dreamed that I left a lit­tle tin of stuff buried in the yard or whether it re­al­ly hap­pened.

9. Determining the Answer to Life, the Universe and Everything.

• one bloke down the pub
• one bloke down the pub
• one bloke down the pub who has lots of as­pirin

Hopefully the pub has Guinness draught.

10. Outsmarting a mad­man evil ge­nius.

• Batman
• Kasparov
• a five year old

Batman, Kasparov and I all come up with pos­si­bil­i­ties for stop­ping the ge­nius, they all fail. Right be­fore hope is lost the five year old says some­thing ob­vi­ous that pro­vides us with the an­swer.


Tuesday, 24 May 2005

I’m back in the sad­dle but not rid­ing far yet. My throat has gone from red gi­ant to white dwarf and I’m sort of al­ways tired, but I think that is be­cause I lost a few pounds in my deletri­ous dele­ri­ous week­end.
Continue Reading

Mono My Ass

Monday, 23 May 2005

I’ve been flat on my ass since Thursday, throat so swollen that I could bare­ly swal­low a Tylenol. So, I’ve not eat­en since Thursday ei­ther. I’d write more but I don’t have the en­er­gy. I’ve start­ed dream­ing about donuts and mac­a­roni and cheese.

Wal-Mart Cognitive Dissonance

Thursday, 19 May 2005

From a Plain Dealer Editorial:

There's much to criticize about Wal-Mart's business practices, but let's be honest: Wal-Mart is already in this market. City residents regularly trek to its suburban stores. Why shouldn't they be able to shop closer to home - in stores that employ their neighbors and pay taxes to support city services - if they choose? A full-service Wal-Mart at Steelyard Commons surely will hurt some city merchants, including grocery stores. Any new enterprise may hurt someone's business; that's called competition.

This is not much more than an argument for convenience, while at the same time stating that there are local businesses already filling the need. It also seems to be saying that if Wal-Mart hurts local businesses then that is good for Cleveland. Right.

And in Sam Fulwood III's column:

"Fighting Wal-Mart and keeping real jobs in Cleveland was a top priority for us," he said. "Yes, they seem to have gotten by us for the moment, but we're still going to fight them."

Nah, that battle is likely over. Give Wal-Mart its laurels and watch the small neighborhood businesses die.

What is all this giving up crap? What is all this spreading our legs for ubiquitous big boxes? "Oh, please, Wal-Mart, smack me around and treat me like a two-bit whore! Move in with me, I'll pay for your every need, just give it to me good."

Continue Reading

Blogger Meetup and Grovewood Tavern

The Blogger Meetup was last night, and when we got most of the gos­sip out of the way, we start­ed in on Wal-Mart and pos­si­bly us­ing this is­sue, which a few of us feel quite strong­ly on, to test our ef­fi­ca­cy as a blog­ging com­mu­ni­ty. See if we can’t make a dif­fer­ence in­stead of just talk­ing. If you’d like to join in, a good first re­source is over at Democracy Guy. There is an in­for­ma­tion­al and or­ga­ni­za­tion­al meet­ing next Wednesday at the Treehouse. I al­so ate at the Grovewood Tavern, Beer, Food and free WiFi. I got a Bison Steak Sandwich with spicy mayo, cheese, ro­maine let­tuce and ba­by beef­steaks and house fries for $8.50. I al­so had a He’Brew, The Chosen Beer.


Wednesday, 18 May 2005

I don’t want to make this blog about Cleveland. That is why I start­ed Tremonter. But, I live in Cleveland and I’m con­stant­ly putting my­self in po­si­tions where peo­ple are talk­ing about Cleveland. So, I’m get­ting Cleveland on the brain. Which is fun­ny, since I don’t care for any of the sports teams, go down­town once in a blue moon and have no idea what a tree lawn is. I al­so have noth­ing even ap­prox­i­mate to a Cleveland ac­cent, thank­ful­ly. My spleen is fine, but my froat hurts. I went to the North of Literary block club last night, which was rather emp­ty, but there was a gen­tle­man who was like a stereo­typ­i­cal mafioso and there was al­so a very pret­ty young la­dy but I think she was with her man. Ow. froat. Ain’t got noth­ing else to blo­gabout.