Star Chart

Here I am,
  again Ori­on.
Ori­on again I
  am here.
  Here Ori­on
again am I.

Emp­ty field wit­ness
  dark under
night sky
  small watch­ings
  small noise

 Hail al-Jab­bār!
  rigid Rigel taut
cud­gel, hoof, rudius.

Orvandil, Osiris
  all name none;
famous heav­en-belt­ed,
celes­tial celebri­ty…

cry high
bright immor­tal.

  Dark, down
below, me,
  free to leave.

There you are
Ori­on, are you

  You are
  there, Ori­on.


I’m not com­plete­ly sat­is­fied with this. I think it still sounds a lit­tle harsh, toward Ori­on. At the least worst it is too con­fi­dent. I’m also obvi­ous­ly exper­i­ment­ing with rhythm and sound. I know my idea that mor­tal­i­ty is freer than immor­tal­i­ty is sound, but I don’t know if I can speak that in a non-con­fronta­tion­al way. It isn’t as if Ori­on can speak back to me. Hm. Sug­ges­tions?

I let this set over the week­end, and now, look­ing back at it, I like none of it at all. That’s what I get for forc­ing myself.

Appar­ent­ly I hate this enough not to post it. Since it has been anoth­er week and I’d for­got­ten about it. So, I’ll post it, in all of its suck­age.