Star Chart

Here I am,
  again Orion.
Orion again I
  am here.
  Here Orion
again am I.

Empty field witness
  dark under
night sky
  small watchings
  small noise
silent.

 Hail al-Jabbār!
chronic-combatant
star-clouded
  rigid Rigel taut
cudgel, hoof, rudius.

Orvandil, Osiris
  all name none;
famous heaven-belted,
celestial celebrity…
  Hail!

tête-à-tête
  yet—
cry high
  above,
bright immortal.

  Dark, down
below, me,
  free to leave.

There you are
    Orion.
Orion, are you
there?

  You are
  there, Orion.

    forever.

I’m not completely satisfied with this. I think it still sounds a little harsh, toward Orion. At the least worst it is too confident. I’m also obviously experimenting with rhythm and sound. I know my idea that mortality is freer than immortality is sound, but I don’t know if I can speak that in a non-confrontational way. It isn’t as if Orion can speak back to me. Hm. Suggestions?

I let this set over the weekend, and now, looking back at it, I like none of it at all. That’s what I get for forcing myself.

Apparently I hate this enough not to post it. Since it has been another week and I’d forgotten about it. So, I’ll post it, in all of its suckage.