Star Chart

Here I am,
  again Orion.
Orion again I
  am here.
  Here Orion
again am I.

Empty field wit­ness
  dark un­der
night sky
  small watch­ings
  small noise
silent.

 Hail al-Jabbār!
chron­ic-com­bat­ant
star-cloud­ed
  rigid Rigel taut
cud­gel, hoof, rudius.

Orvandil, Osiris
  all name none;
fa­mous heav­en-belt­ed,
ce­les­tial celebri­ty…
  Hail!

tête-à-tête
  yet—
cry high
  above,
bright im­mor­tal.

  Dark, down
be­low, me,
  free to leave.

There you are
    Orion.
Orion, are you
there?

  You are
  there, Orion.

    forever.

I’m not com­plete­ly sat­is­fied with this. I think it still sounds a lit­tle harsh, to­ward Orion. At the least worst it is too con­fi­dent. I’m al­so ob­vi­ous­ly ex­per­i­ment­ing with rhythm and sound. I know my idea that mor­tal­i­ty is freer than im­mor­tal­i­ty is sound, but I don’t know if I can speak that in a non-con­fronta­tion­al way. It isn’t as if Orion can speak back to me. Hm. Suggestions?

I let this set over the week­end, and now, look­ing back at it, I like none of it at all. That’s what I get for forc­ing my­self.

Apparently I hate this enough not to post it. Since it has been an­oth­er week and I’d for­got­ten about it. So, I’ll post it, in all of its suck­age.

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