Star Chart

Here I am,
  again Orion.
Orion again I
  am here.
  Here Orion
again am I.

Empty field witness
  dark under
night sky
  small watchings
  small noise

 Hail al-Jabbār!
  rigid Rigel taut
cudgel, hoof, rudius.

Orvandil, Osiris
  all name none;
famous heaven-belted,
celestial celebrity…

cry high
bright immortal.

  Dark, down
below, me,
  free to leave.

There you are
Orion, are you

  You are
  there, Orion.


I’m not completely satisfied with this. I think it still sounds a little harsh, toward Orion. At the least worst it is too confident. I’m also obviously experimenting with rhythm and sound. I know my idea that mortality is freer than immortality is sound, but I don’t know if I can speak that in a non-confrontational way. It isn’t as if Orion can speak back to me. Hm. Suggestions?

I let this set over the weekend, and now, looking back at it, I like none of it at all. That’s what I get for forcing myself.

Apparently I hate this enough not to post it. Since it has been another week and I’d forgotten about it. So, I’ll post it, in all of its suckage.