In my ongoing quest [previous reviews: Heck’s; Swenson’s] to find the best burger in Cleveland, I took a trip out to Euclid with Five Dollar Beer last night to check out Stevenson’s Hamburgers. We learned about this place from the honorable FoodGoat. This was a damn good hamburger, definitely the winner from the three burger-centric places I’ve been so far. Damned inexpensive too, which makes this cheap bastard quite happy.
With light traffic I’d estimate that Stevenson’s is a twenty minute drive from downtown Cleveland. The restaurant is shoebox sized and dim, with an unassuming neon sign that simply says “HAMBURGERS.” It is the kind of place where you come out with everything smelling like a greasy hamburger, because you watch every hamburger get made. In short, the burger joint feng shui is in full effect, and that was even before I looked at the menu. The Little Guy: Single Cheeseburger; The Big Guy: Double Cheeseburger; a steak burger and a turkey burger were their only burger choices. Excellent. I’d mentioned to Patrick on the ride over that if I had a burger place it would have about 4 kinds of burgers on it and that would be it. Granted, there was stuff on the other page under the heading “Sandwiches” but I didn’t go to Stevenson’s for a namby-pamby BLT.
They had a great selection of beer and soda pop from both sides of the aisle. I got a Big Guy, a double cheeseburger that comes with a simple but tasty mayo sauce and shredded lettuce. The Big Guy is $4.50. I dropped another 50 cents and got a slice of tomato on it as well. I also got an order of unassuming onion rings for $1.75 and a Stewart’s Orange & Cream Soda for 65¢. Stevenson’s doesn’t charge tax, so my whole stuffed to the gills meal rounded out at $7.35. That’s saying something, considering I was the one stuffed to the gills.
This burger wants to collapse upon itself. I did a service to the NEO region by chowing down on it, because, if left alone, its gravitational field would have likely created a small black hole. This is one of those burgers where you wonder if there is going to be enough bun left to make a dignified finish to the thing, or whether you’re going to have to go all “handfuls-of-meat caveman-style” to down it. I did end up picking up some errant chunks of nearly unidentifiable goo on my plate. I didn’t mind the onion rings, they could’ve had a bit more onion in them, but I thought they were tasty enough. This place brought back college memories of CJ’s [still the best burger I’ve ever had] and Stevenson’s could probably give CJ’s a run for their money if they didn’t use premade patties. That’s the only real beef I have with the place.
Thus, Stevenson’s is a no-nonsense burger joint that serves a goddamn good burger at a goddamn good price. Any time I’ve got a hankering for a burger I’ll probably head out thataway. Unless one of upcoming places ends up serving up something better.
Once FDB moves to NYC I’ll need another cohort to accompany me on these burger quests. If you’re down for it, let me know.
Future stops on the quest:
Whitey’s Booze and Burgers
Spoto’s Bar and Grill
Meximillian’s in Mentor
Bass Lake Tavern
Eat At Joe’s
and anything I missed from here.