Stevenson’s Hamburgers in Euclid

In my ongoing quest [previous reviews: Heck’s; Swenson’s] to find the best burger in Cleveland, I took a trip out to Euclid with Five Dollar Beer last night to check out Stevenson’s Hamburgers. We learned about this place from the honorable FoodGoat. This was a damn good hamburger, definitely the winner from the three burger-centric places I’ve been so far. Damned inexpensive too, which makes this cheap bastard quite happy.

With light traffic I’d estimate that Stevenson’s is a twenty minute drive from downtown Cleveland. The restaurant is shoebox sized and dim, with an unassuming neon sign that simply says “HAMBURGERS.” It is the kind of place where you come out with everything smelling like a greasy hamburger, because you watch every hamburger get made. In short, the burger joint feng shui is in full effect, and that was even before I looked at the menu. The Little Guy: Single Cheeseburger; The Big Guy: Double Cheeseburger; a steak burger and a turkey burger were their only burger choices. Excellent. I’d mentioned to Patrick on the ride over that if I had a burger place it would have about 4 kinds of burgers on it and that would be it. Granted, there was stuff on the other page under the heading “Sandwiches” but I didn’t go to Stevenson’s for a namby-pamby BLT.

They had a great selection of beer and soda pop from both sides of the aisle. I got a Big Guy, a double cheeseburger that comes with a simple but tasty mayo sauce and shredded lettuce. The Big Guy is $4.50. I dropped another 50 cents and got a slice of tomato on it as well. I also got an order of unassuming onion rings for $1.75 and a Stewart’s Orange & Cream Soda for 65¢. Stevenson’s doesn’t charge tax, so my whole stuffed to the gills meal rounded out at $7.35. That’s saying something, considering I was the one stuffed to the gills.

This burger wants to collapse upon itself. I did a service to the NEO region by chowing down on it, because, if left alone, its gravitational field would have likely created a small black hole. This is one of those burgers where you wonder if there is going to be enough bun left to make a dignified finish to the thing, or whether you’re going to have to go all “handfuls-of-meat caveman-style” to down it. I did end up picking up some errant chunks of nearly unidentifiable goo on my plate. I didn’t mind the onion rings, they could’ve had a bit more onion in them, but I thought they were tasty enough. This place brought back college memories of CJ’s [still the best burger I’ve ever had] and Stevenson’s could probably give CJ’s a run for their money if they didn’t use premade patties. That’s the only real beef I have with the place.

Thus, Stevenson’s is a no-nonsense burger joint that serves a goddamn good burger at a goddamn good price. Any time I’ve got a hankering for a burger I’ll probably head out thataway. Unless one of upcoming places ends up serving up something better.

Once FDB moves to NYC I’ll need another cohort to accompany me on these burger quests. If you’re down for it, let me know.

Future stops on the quest:
Whitey’s Booze and Burgers
Spoto’s Bar and Grill
Bearden’s
Meximillian’s in Mentor
Bass Lake Tavern
Fisher’s Tavern
Eat At Joe’s
Brennan’s Colony
and anything I missed from here.

5 thoughts on “Stevenson’s Hamburgers in Euclid

  1. i’ll go with you.

    nemeth and i were supposed to have a burger eating contest at city grille a few months back, but i think he chickened out. 😛

    beardens is close to my house. i’ve ridden my bike by there and been totally intrigued by the smell of cooking meat wafting out the open front door.

    now if only there were a culvers somewhere in ohio…home of the butterburgers…but i guess i’ll have to wait for the next trip back to the chicago burbs for that one…

  2. Best burger ever? Hum ! Had to be Kroll’s in Green Bay where for years the dairy industry forbid the sale of apple pies without cheese…well at Kroll’s you get a delicious burger with a pat of real butter…totally sinful wrapped in brown butcher paper, it drips sin and taste like heaven.

  3. Mmmmm burger. I would be more that willing to help you determine if a burger joint is worthy of best in Cleveland.

    Oh you can cross off Brennan’s Colony and Eat at Joes.
    Brennan’s burger was boring- it didn’t even come close to falling apart.

    Again, glad you like Stevenson’s- I wouldn’t say it was the best unless I truely believed it 🙂
    Best in Cleveland.

  4. best burger hunt, eh? it’s a shame you weren’t in town for shorty’s, an old flats institution that is long gone. best burger in cleveland history, hands down.

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