Today I am feeling like I am a failure. I am also feeling frustrated. My job is unfulfilling and a dead end. My Cleveland friends have either moved away or my behavior has driven them away. I know virtually no one my age, and while I find it easy to talk to people I don’t make new friends. I am filled with false pride and uncertainty. I feel that I am not doing anything to make a positive difference in anyone else’s life. I am ashamed of my immature and shallow behavior with old friends and women and my impatience with people who don’t match my expectations. I am feeling trapped and left behind as I see people my own age becoming more and more successful and apparently happy.
I know that I don’t have to judge my own worth based on the lives of other people. I know that, materially, I have things much better than the vast majority of humanity. I know that I am the only person who can be an agent of change for my life. But I am tired of being strong for myself. I can’t find peace in emptiness. But, I’m sure I’ll get over this. That’s just how I feel today. No one likes a whiner. I do feel a little better now.
And don’t call me, mom. *rolls eyes*