Confession

Today I am feel­ing like I am a fail­ure. I am also feel­ing frus­trat­ed. My job is unful­fill­ing and a dead end. My Cleve­land friends have either moved away or my behav­ior has dri­ven them away. I know vir­tu­al­ly no one my age, and while I find it easy to talk to peo­ple I don’t make new friends. I am filled with false pride and uncer­tain­ty. I feel that I am not doing any­thing to make a pos­i­tive dif­fer­ence in any­one else’s life. I am ashamed of my imma­ture and shal­low behav­ior with old friends and women and my impa­tience with peo­ple who don’t match my expec­ta­tions. I am feel­ing trapped and left behind as I see peo­ple my own age becom­ing more and more suc­cess­ful and appar­ent­ly hap­py.

I know that I don’t have to judge my own worth based on the lives of oth­er peo­ple. I know that, mate­ri­al­ly, I have things much bet­ter than the vast major­i­ty of human­i­ty. I know that I am the only per­son who can be an agent of change for my life. But I am tired of being strong for myself. I can’t find peace in empti­ness. But, I’m sure I’ll get over this. That’s just how I feel today. No one likes a whin­er. I do feel a lit­tle bet­ter now.

And don’t call me, mom. *rolls eyes*

6 Replies

  • Adam,

    I read this twice because I feel exact­ly the same as you do, word for word but resilience is going to show its face again…I hope for you and me.

  • If you can find a way to NY, burg­ers and beer on me.
    Oth­er­wise, sor­ry to hear things are going so shit­ty. From the sound of the com­ments on this blog though, I think you have more friends than you’re think­ing you do.

  • every­one is human; no one is per­fect. if you feel you’ve made mis­takes learn from them and then move on. every­one makes mis­takes, but no one can turn back time. the thing that is impor­tant for me to remem­ber when i feel this way (the bit about not know­ing any­one my own age, and hav­ing a hard time mak­ing friends REALLY hit home) — is that these are feel­ings and they will pass — don’t let them own you. don’t be afraid to seek out help if they lnger too long…

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