Since I have appar­ently cre­ated some expec­ta­tions among you far­thur­dlers regard­ing my gus­ta­tory fetishes, I went down to the dun­geon for round n with the vendy. I picked up Pierre Foods™ Fast Choice® Dou­ble Beef Stacker with Cheese, one of the orig­i­nal items in the vendy that has recently made a come­back. I’m quite sure I’ve angered the burger deities by buy­ing a $1.65 dou­ble decker ham­burger out of a vend­ing machine. I’m prob­a­bly banned from Stevenson’s. In any case, I did it. Before I get to the burger though, I should tell you this:

I met the woman who stocks the vendy. She had just filled it up with con­coc­tions from her caul­dron. She was short and squat and pigeon-​toed with frizzy grey hair and slightly myopic owl eyes. When I told her that I was going to get some­thing out of the machine, she watched me make my deci­sion. It was obvi­ous that she took great pride in the qual­ity of prod­uct she stocks that thing with. This week she added pud­ding. You can buy a 3 ounce con­tainer of pud­ding for a dol­lar! Big AZ Bubba Twins have returned as well. She said that she has, unfor­tu­nately, had to throw lots out, because, get this, no one has been buy­ing any­thing. Crikey lady, I won­der why. On the plus side, she did add a dol­lar coin dis­penser to the machine, so next time I pay with a fiver, I won’t get $2.95 in change in nickels.

The burger, of course, what shit as burg­ers go. As an item from the machine, how­ever, I would def­i­nitely buy another one. I am try­ing to fig­ure out how some­thing that is mostly TVP could sup­ply me with 47% of my RDA in sat­u­rated fat. It must have been the cheese, which, post-​burger, is now being cut quite often. I’m quite sure that noth­ing in this sand­wich actu­ally came from real plants or ani­mals. It required vir­tu­ally no mas­ti­ca­tion, which was good since the “cheese” dis­in­te­grated my teeth upon con­tact. So, basi­cally, other than the fact that it tasted like shit and is cur­rently mount­ing a simul­ta­ne­ous breach attack on my stom­ach and colon, it wasn’t that bad.

Link of the day: Joe’s Worth­less Base­ball Card Collection