Pierre Foods™ Fast Choice® Double Beef Stacker with Cheese

Since I have apparently created some expectations among you farthurdlers regarding my gustatory fetishes, I went down to the dungeon for round n with the vendy. I picked up Pierre Foods™ Fast Choice® Double Beef Stacker with Cheese, one of the original items in the vendy that has recently made a comeback. I’m quite sure I’ve angered the burger deities by buying a $1.65 double decker hamburger out of a vending machine. I’m probably banned from Stevenson’s. In any case, I did it. Before I get to the burger though, I should tell you this:

I met the woman who stocks the vendy. She had just filled it up with concoctions from her cauldron. She was short and squat and pigeon-​toed with frizzy grey hair and slightly myopic owl eyes. When I told her that I was going to get something out of the machine, she watched me make my decision. It was obvious that she took great pride in the quality of product she stocks that thing with. This week she added pudding. You can buy a 3 ounce container of pudding for a dollar! Big AZ Bubba Twins have returned as well. She said that she has, unfortunately, had to throw lots out, because, get this, no one has been buying anything. Crikey lady, I wonder why. On the plus side, she did add a dollar coin dispenser to the machine, so next time I pay with a fiver, I won’t get $2.95 in change in nickels.

The burger, of course, what shit as burgers go. As an item from the machine, however, I would definitely buy another one. I am trying to figure out how something that is mostly TVP could supply me with 47% of my RDA in saturated fat. It must have been the cheese, which, post-​burger, is now being cut quite often. I’m quite sure that nothing in this sandwich actually came from real plants or animals. It required virtually no mastication, which was good since the “cheese” disintegrated my teeth upon contact. So, basically, other than the fact that it tasted like shit and is currently mounting a simultaneous breach attack on my stomach and colon, it wasn’t that bad.

Link of the day: Joe’s Worthless Baseball Card Collection

4 thoughts on “Pierre Foods™ Fast Choice® Double Beef Stacker with Cheese

  1. Actually, My friend and I refer to it as the “God-​Burger”
    Seriously. That thing is awesome. They have em at the College lounge. Unfortunately not enough. I think they’re awesome for burgers from a vending machine. My Friend and I are constantly searching for a place to buy them from… in quantities less than a million anyway.

  2. The break room at work has the Fast Choice Double Beef Stacker listed for $2.50 in the vending machine. BUT when you put your money in the machine, it really only costs $1.50! HAHAHAHAHA…greasy, cheesy, vending machine goodness AND I’m ripping them off for $1!

  3. This is among the most delicious foods available within this price range. It’s quick, it’s cheap, and it’s deliciously unhealthy. Viva la burger!

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