I might be creating phantom issues for myself but I'm still having trouble finding a group of folks in Cleveland with whom I fit in well. I wish I could regain the sense of ease I had with my high school buddies, but that might only be a situation that exists in high school. I suppose I should be past that now, since it was 8 years ago. I always feel like I'm either too old or too young or not enough into whatever scene I'm at to fit in. Some places are more comfortable than others, but still unfulfilling in some way that I can't quite pin down.
My "deficiency self" is likely what is talking here. I used to take pride in my lack of specialty. I can play a little music, write a little, cook a bit, do a bit of web design, do a bit of handyman work, and think alot. From a pragmatic standpoint, this isn't very effective capital in modern society. Jobs want certifications and specific experienced skill sets, being part of the indie scene or electronic scene or art scene or web scene demands a certain amount of in-depth interest and conformity that I just don't care enough about to acquire. My old motto that "I'm interested in everything people are interested in." is probably misworded. I think the correct version is "I'm interested in people who are interested in things."
While writing this, I've realized that I am definitely causing my own problem here. The unspecialization might be a contributing factor, but it isn't the main cause. I want to have some good friends with whom I feel at ease and fit in with. Yet, I'm unable to make myself sufficiently interested in a particular extant group to become a part of it. I'm basically asking the world to bend to my will instead of acting in a manner that will allow me to appreciate each situation for what it offers. Perhaps if I work at that appreciation and use it as personal change-agent energy, I'll be able to be a better friend to others.