Unspecialized

Good Morning ValentineLast evening I went to The Happy Dog with Lou and Wasco and ran into the usual indie rock crowd of folks. I like the Happy Dog, it’s nice and open and the island-bar was pretty cool too. Playing were Brian Straw, Good Morning Valentine [who’s CD release this show was celebrating] and Mike Uva with Hookboy. The music was really nice and I really liked Good Morning Valentine’s sound. I had to bail early though since I’m at work by 7am.

I might be creating phantom issues for myself but I’m still having trouble finding a group of folks in Cleveland with whom I fit in well. I wish I could regain the sense of ease I had with my high school buddies, but that might only be a situation that exists in high school. I suppose I should be past that now, since it was 8 years ago. I always feel like I’m either too old or too young or not enough into whatever scene I’m at to fit in. Some places are more comfortable than others, but still unfulfilling in some way that I can’t quite pin down.

My “deficiency self” is likely what is talking here. I used to take pride in my lack of specialty. I can play a little music, write a little, cook a bit, do a bit of web design, do a bit of handyman work, and think alot. From a pragmatic standpoint, this isn’t very effective capital in modern society. Jobs want certifications and specific experienced skill sets, being part of the indie scene or electronic scene or art scene or web scene demands a certain amount of in-depth interest and conformity that I just don’t care enough about to acquire. My old motto that “I’m interested in everything people are interested in.” is probably misworded. I think the correct version is “I’m interested in people who are interested in things.”

While writing this, I’ve realized that I am definitely causing my own problem here. The unspecialization might be a contributing factor, but it isn’t the main cause. I want to have some good friends with whom I feel at ease and fit in with. Yet, I’m unable to make myself sufficiently interested in a particular extant group to become a part of it. I’m basically asking the world to bend to my will instead of acting in a manner that will allow me to appreciate each situation for what it offers. Perhaps if I work at that appreciation and use it as personal change-agent energy, I’ll be able to be a better friend to others.


9 thoughts on “Unspecialized

  1. good morning valentine members live across the street from me.

    i can totally relate to lacking and missing the high school friend group. i feel like i have some really great friends now (I didn’t in college) but no “group”. our stage of life doesn’t make it easy to find groups of friends. we’re not in school, don’t have kids.

    i also relate to being “unspecialized”. It’s a boon and bane.

  2. I couldn’t agree with you more. “Good at lots of stuff. Great at nothing” I always wanted to be one of those Goth kids becuase they seemed to have their scene figured out. 🙂

  3. i hear you about the group of friends thing. we were a tight group in high school, and i havent felt that since. i felt the same way you do now in college, and since then. i didnt fit in with the cool kids, i didnt fit in with the super indie rock kids. i was not enough of anything to fit in anywhere. im still not. like neil diamond said, im a solitary man

  4. we didn’t have indie-rock when i was in school but when i ran track my teammates would ride me about hanging out with the burnouts & gearheads though i didn’t do drugs or have a car, those people were just more fun..

  5. Yeah, I’m not ragging on you guys. I think I just need to unclench a bit.

    Maggie, I can’t adopt the pooch because I’m not allowed to have a dog in my apartment. Which is unfortunate since the dog and I already look alike.

    And a double dose of Ledman! Sweet Jesus!

  6. I guess it’s a pretty common phenomenon, then.

    I’ve always found it a cozy notion: the idea that well rounded folk were the ones who really made life better for whatever area of vertical expertise they happen to be dealing with that month. This all reminds me of a conversation I had with a former physics teacher about what makes “the best scientist” (in the comments):

    He pretty much rejected the notion that well roundedness and it’s derivitive, open-mindedness, can create real value in the relatively esoteric field of theoretical science.

    He’s probably right, but I still tend to disagree, because I doubt I’ll ever be that focused. 🙂

    I’ve also experienced a deal of “unclenching” lately. I find myself being happy more often, but it’s that much sadder to think of the ways I’ve relaxed my ideals and expectations.

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