Unspecialized

Good Morning ValentineLast evening I went to The Happy Dog with Lou and Wasco and ran into the usual indie rock crowd of folks. I like the Happy Dog, it's nice and open and the island-bar was pretty cool too. Playing were Brian Straw, Good Morning Valentine [who's CD release this show was celebrating] and Mike Uva with Hookboy. The music was really nice and I really liked Good Morning Valentine's sound. I had to bail early though since I'm at work by 7am.

I might be creating phantom issues for myself but I'm still having trouble finding a group of folks in Cleveland with whom I fit in well. I wish I could regain the sense of ease I had with my high school buddies, but that might only be a situation that exists in high school. I suppose I should be past that now, since it was 8 years ago. I always feel like I'm either too old or too young or not enough into whatever scene I'm at to fit in. Some places are more comfortable than others, but still unfulfilling in some way that I can't quite pin down.

My "deficiency self" is likely what is talking here. I used to take pride in my lack of specialty. I can play a little music, write a little, cook a bit, do a bit of web design, do a bit of handyman work, and think alot. From a pragmatic standpoint, this isn't very effective capital in modern society. Jobs want certifications and specific experienced skill sets, being part of the indie scene or electronic scene or art scene or web scene demands a certain amount of in-depth interest and conformity that I just don't care enough about to acquire. My old motto that "I'm interested in everything people are interested in." is probably misworded. I think the correct version is "I'm interested in people who are interested in things."

While writing this, I've realized that I am definitely causing my own problem here. The unspecialization might be a contributing factor, but it isn't the main cause. I want to have some good friends with whom I feel at ease and fit in with. Yet, I'm unable to make myself sufficiently interested in a particular extant group to become a part of it. I'm basically asking the world to bend to my will instead of acting in a manner that will allow me to appreciate each situation for what it offers. Perhaps if I work at that appreciation and use it as personal change-agent energy, I'll be able to be a better friend to others.


9 thoughts on “Unspecialized

  1. good morn­ing valen­tine mem­bers live across the street from me. 

    i can to­tal­ly re­late to lack­ing and miss­ing the high school friend group. i feel like i have some re­al­ly great friends now (I didn’t in col­lege) but no “group”. our stage of life doesn’t make it easy to find groups of friends. we’re not in school, don’t have kids. 

    i al­so re­late to be­ing “un­spe­cial­ized”. It’s a boon and bane.

  2. I couldn’t agree with you more. “Good at lots of stuff. Great at noth­ing” I al­ways want­ed to be one of those Goth kids be­cuase they seemed to have their scene fig­ured out. 🙂

  3. i hear you about the group of friends thing. we were a tight group in high school, and i havent felt that since. i felt the same way you do now in col­lege, and since then. i did­nt fit in with the cool kids, i did­nt fit in with the su­per in­die rock kids. i was not enough of any­thing to fit in any­where. im still not. like neil di­a­mond said, im a soli­tary man

  4. we didn’t have in­die-rock when i was in school but when i ran track my team­mates would ride me about hang­ing out with the burnouts & gear­heads though i didn’t do drugs or have a car, those peo­ple were just more fun..

  5. Yeah, I’m not rag­ging on you guys. I think I just need to un­clench a bit.

    Maggie, I can’t adopt the pooch be­cause I’m not al­lowed to have a dog in my apart­ment. Which is un­for­tu­nate since the dog and I al­ready look alike.

    And a dou­ble dose of Ledman! Sweet Jesus!

  6. I guess it’s a pret­ty com­mon phe­nom­e­non, then. 

    I’ve al­ways found it a cozy no­tion: the idea that well round­ed folk were the ones who re­al­ly made life bet­ter for what­ev­er area of ver­ti­cal ex­per­tise they hap­pen to be deal­ing with that month. This all re­minds me of a con­ver­sa­tion I had with a for­mer physics teacher about what makes “the best sci­en­tist” (in the com­ments):

    He pret­ty much re­ject­ed the no­tion that well round­ed­ness and it’s de­riv­i­tive, open-mind­ed­ness, can cre­ate re­al val­ue in the rel­a­tive­ly es­o­teric field of the­o­ret­i­cal sci­ence.

    He’s prob­a­bly right, but I still tend to dis­agree, be­cause I doubt I’ll ever be that fo­cused. 🙂

    I’ve al­so ex­pe­ri­enced a deal of “un­clench­ing” late­ly. I find my­self be­ing hap­py more of­ten, but it’s that much sad­der to think of the ways I’ve re­laxed my ideals and ex­pec­ta­tions.

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