Psychological Warfare

I’m try­ing to come up with effec­tive ways to get this place at which I inter­viewed last week to hire me. I woke up Sun­day morn­ing with the idea to make a Flash infomer­cial show­cas­ing my tal­ents. It was only the third time I’d used Flash, and hope­ful­ly the end result did­n’t look too Pow­er­Pointy. I think this was a good idea because not only does it illus­trate my cre­ativ­i­ty and eager­ness to work for the afore­men­tioned yet cur­rent­ly remain­ing anony­mous place of busi­ness, but it was also a way for me to show my humor and refresh the applic­a­bil­i­ty of my inter­ests in the mem­o­ry of my inter­view­er.

I am cur­rent­ly plot­ting oth­er sin­is­ter ways in which I can infil­trate. These may or may not include:

• Using Mourn­ful Pup­py Eyes.
• Unabashed Beg­ging.
• A Singing Telegram.
• Almost anony­mous dona­tions of large quan­ti­ties of unmarked, non-sequen­tial $20s.
• Hunger Strike Until Hired.
• Bring­ing the office cocaine-laced fudge, get­ting every­one addict­ed and becom­ing the pup­pet mas­ter of the whole orga­ni­za­tion.
• Con­struct­ing a Moon Laser and threat­en­ing to rain fiery destruc­tion upon their piti­ful car­cass­es.
• Cre­ate a dum­my orga­ni­za­tion focused on cut­ting into their mar­gins and then appear with the Only Pos­si­ble Way™ to fight off the com­peti­tor.
• Beer.