I think one of the rea­sons I’m so rigid in my reck­on­ing of life is that at a fun­da­men­tal level I’m a cow­ard. Some­times when I’m caught by sur­prise and have to think fast about some­thing, I choose what appears to be the eas­i­est or safest way, or some­times just refuse to think about it at all and go pound sand with my head. The enforced rigid­ity has cut down on my oppor­tu­ni­ties to let myself fuck up, but the side effect of this is that I have been or am becom­ing a proud ass­hole. I guess I should stop feel­ing smug about my sup­posed suc­cess and fig­ure out how to take myself down a peg or two.