Horror Comedy Adventure Dream*

So I own the House Of Leaves and my movie-gener­ic wife is swal­lowed by an evil crab-walk­ing tod­dler who crawls in­to a cup­board and morphs in­to a rolled up bath rug. Wu Tang Iron Fist RZA shows up to take care of the pos­sessed house is­sue and brings U-God with him. U-God tries to saw in­to the wall but his hand turns again­st him and he cuts off his mid­dle three fin­gers to pro­tect him­self and every­one else. RZA and I dis­cuss op­tions.

Cut to me trekking in the moun­tains with some­thing like the Ark of the Covenant. Sherpas stum­ble, the lid comes off and a green hand leaps out and face­hugs me, à la The Mask. À la The Tick, my head be­comes a green hand, a bit like Chairface Chippendale. We are cap­tured by Loki and tak­en to an un­der­ground tem­ple where he us­es us and a bunch of Germans for tar­get prac­tice.

My hand­head has given me pow­ers. I try to use it to grab the gun­ners like Mr. Fantastic, but that doesn’t work. Instead I run and grab Loki’s staff and I can use it. Everyone es­capes but Loki who wants his staff back. I use it to cre­ate low fre­quen­cy vi­bra­tions that col­lapse the tem­ple on all 5 of him. 

Outside, it turns out that his hench­men, who all wear tea co­zies as masks are just a bunch of col­lege bros earn­ing some quick beer mon­ey.

*This dream was brought to you by cold med­i­cine.

Speak your piece