Horror Comedy Adventure Dream*

So I own the House Of Leaves and my movie-gener­ic wife is swal­lowed by an evil crab-walk­ing tod­dler who crawls into a cup­board and morphs into a rolled up bath rug. Wu Tang Iron Fist RZA shows up to take care of the pos­sessed house issue and brings U-God with him. U-God tries to saw into the wall but his hand turns against him and he cuts off his mid­dle three fin­gers to pro­tect him­self and every­one else. RZA and I dis­cuss options.

Cut to me trekking in the moun­tains with some­thing like the Ark of the Covenant. Sher­pas stum­ble, the lid comes off and a green hand leaps out and face­hugs me, a la The Mask. A la The Tick, my head becomes a green hand, a bit like Chair­face Chip­pen­dale. We are cap­tured by Loki and tak­en to an under­ground tem­ple where he uses us and a bunch of Ger­mans for tar­get prac­tice.

My hand­head has giv­en me pow­ers. I try to use it to grab the gun­ners like Mr. Fan­tas­tic, but that doesn’t work. Instead I run and grab Loki’s staff and I can use it. Every­one escapes but Loki who wants his staff back. I use it to cre­ate low fre­quen­cy vibra­tions that col­lapse the tem­ple on all 5 of him.

Out­side, it turns out that his hench­men, who all wear tea cozies as masks are just a bunch of col­lege bros earn­ing some quick beer mon­ey.

*This dream was brought to you by cold med­i­cine.