Horror Comedy Adventure Dream*

So I own the House Of Leaves and my movie-generic wife is swallowed by an evil crab-walking toddler who crawls into a cupboard and morphs into a rolled up bath rug. Wu Tang Iron Fist RZA shows up to take care of the possessed house issue and brings U-God with him. U-God tries to saw into the wall but his hand turns against him and he cuts off his middle three fingers to protect himself and everyone else. RZA and I discuss options.

Cut to me trekking in the mountains with something like the Ark of the Covenant. Sherpas stumble, the lid comes off and a green hand leaps out and facehugs me, a la The Mask. A la The Tick, my head becomes a green hand, a bit like Chairface Chippendale. We are captured by Loki and taken to an underground temple where he uses us and a bunch of Germans for target practice.

My handhead has given me powers. I try to use it to grab the gunners like Mr. Fantastic, but that doesn’t work. Instead I run and grab Loki’s staff and I can use it. Everyone escapes but Loki who wants his staff back. I use it to create low frequency vibrations that collapse the temple on all 5 of him.

Outside, it turns out that his henchmen, who all wear tea cozies as masks are just a bunch of college bros earning some quick beer money.

*This dream was brought to you by cold medicine.