Beard Oil & Its Ramifications

So, beard oil is a thing that exists. I was intrigued that, thus imparted to me, in fact, some people oil their beards. The first thing I discovered is that beard oil is fucking expensive. The next thing I discovered is that making your own is only a modicum less fucking expensive. Dismayed but not daunted, I finally came across Dream Beard Oils and felt comfortable dropping $12 for 4 different samples.

Be prepared: oiling your beard feels decadent, frivolous and affected. This will not be a problem for those who aspire to lombardy due to style considerations, but is a bit uncomfortable to those of us who are instinctually predisposed to face fur.

You don’t use much, perhaps 10 drops for a full beard. Your beard doesn’t get oily. I used more oil on my chin than elsewhere. I immediately noticed a change in both the albedo and grit of my beard as well as a soothing of the underlying skin, a balm I wasn’t aware was needed. I anticipate a concomitant decrease in static charge during cold dry winter.

I assume that, in addition to keeping the skin healthy, the oil on the beard prevents the skin from losing further moisture to the hair.

If you don’t feel the necessity of ascribing to the use of rare oils and sundry tinctures that add cost and scent but provide dubious efficacy, buying a nice high-​grade food oil like grapeseed oil will do the trick and be much cheaper.

I am scent agnostic at this point. I am not a cologne or aftershave man, but a light natural scent to my beard does appeal. I could just as easily go with something unscented. I think that the occasional heavier oiling and then grooming with a semi-​porous natural-​material comb (wood, probably) would also be beneficial. Eventually enough oil would saturate the comb that a light run-​through would even do the trick.

A bit about the scents from the Dream Beard sampler:

  • Bearded Barber” has a predominantly astringent tea tree scent. Perhaps a hint of flower. The smell fades within a couple of hours, and is not strong to begin with.
  • Mechanic” is patchouli. I’m guessing this choice was made because mechanics and hippies are both greasy? Not gonna use this one again.
  • Lumberjack” smells piney. Imagine organic Pine-​Sol or a free-​range, vertically farmed car air freshener from “Repo Man” and you get the idea.
  • Carpenter” has a pleasant wood smell, but isn’t immediately identifiable. I like it the best.

After a few days of use my beard is a noticeably less wretched tangle, and my skin noticeably healthier.

Still feels stupid though.

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