Beard Oil & Its Ramifications

So, beard oil is a thing that ex­ists. I was in­trigued that, thus im­part­ed to me, in fact, some peo­ple oil their beards. The first thing I dis­cov­ered is that beard oil is fuck­ing ex­pen­sive. The next thing I dis­cov­ered is that mak­ing your own is on­ly a mod­icum less fuck­ing ex­pen­sive. Dismayed but not daunt­ed, I fi­nal­ly came across Dream Beard Oils and felt com­fort­able drop­ping $12 for 4 dif­fer­ent sam­ples.

Be pre­pared: oil­ing your beard feels deca­dent, friv­o­lous and af­fect­ed. This will not be a prob­lem for those who as­pire to lom­bardy due to style con­sid­er­a­tions, but is a bit un­com­fort­able to those of us who are in­stinc­tu­al­ly pre­dis­posed to face fur.

You don’t use much, per­haps 10 drops for a full beard. Your beard doesn’t get oily. I used more oil on my chin than else­where. I im­me­di­ate­ly no­ticed a change in both the albe­do and grit of my beard as well as a sooth­ing of the un­der­ly­ing skin, a balm I wasn’t aware was need­ed. I an­tic­i­pate a con­comi­tant de­crease in sta­t­ic charge dur­ing cold dry win­ter.

I as­sume that, in ad­di­tion to keep­ing the skin healthy, the oil on the beard pre­vents the skin from los­ing fur­ther mois­ture to the hair.

If you don’t feel the ne­ces­si­ty of as­crib­ing to the use of rare oils and sundry tinc­tures that add cost and scent but pro­vide du­bi­ous ef­fi­ca­cy, buy­ing a nice high-grade food oil like grape­seed oil will do the trick and be much cheap­er.

I am scent ag­nos­tic at this point. I am not a cologne or af­ter­shave man, but a light nat­ur­al scent to my beard does ap­peal. I could just as eas­i­ly go with some­thing un­scent­ed. I think that the oc­ca­sion­al heav­ier oil­ing and then groom­ing with a se­mi-porous nat­ur­al-ma­te­r­i­al comb (wood, prob­a­bly) would al­so be ben­e­fi­cial. Eventually enough oil would sat­u­rate the comb that a light run-through would even do the trick.

A bit about the scents from the Dream Beard sam­pler:

  • “Bearded Barber” has a pre­dom­i­nant­ly as­trin­gent tea tree scent. Perhaps a hint of flower. The smell fades with­in a cou­ple of hours, and is not strong to be­gin with.
  • “Mechanic” is patchouli. I’m guess­ing this choice was made be­cause me­chan­ics and hip­pies are both greasy? Not gonna use this one again.
  • “Lumberjack” smells piney. Imagine or­gan­ic Pine-Sol or a free-range, ver­ti­cal­ly farmed car air fresh­en­er from “Repo Man” and you get the idea.
  • “Carpenter” has a pleas­ant wood smell, but isn’t im­me­di­ate­ly iden­ti­fi­able. I like it the best.

After a few days of use my beard is a no­tice­ably less wretched tan­gle, and my skin no­tice­ably health­i­er.

Still feels stu­pid though.

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