Today I’ve given up attempting to read at poetry open mics. I attended the quarterly open mic held at the Cleveland Public Library and thought it was going to be great, no familiar faces, lots of first timers – hesitant, unpolished, earnest. Thus, I tweeted. At the @cleveland_pl for a #poetry #openmic. I recognize no one. [...]

Several of my friends and acquaintances have received the following in their respective mailboxes. I only wish I could get one sent to my address as well. Beware, past the jump is an example of what can happen to religion when it becomes infected by The Stupid™. Actually, it is a scam, which should be [...]

If I were in the following situations I would want the following entities as a part of my wrecking crew to get the job done. 1. Destroying a large meteor that is hurtling toward earth. • John Henry the Steeldriving Man • Buzz Aldrin • Psyduck Buzz flies us to the meteor, John Henry proceeds [...]

This is the concluding third part of my award-winning series on How to Play Double Bid Euchre. The previous parts may be found here: Part I, Part II. Here are the real rules. Mock your opponents incessantly. Taunt them. Even if they are your 80 year old grandmother. Grunt patronizingly or bark a short laugh [...]

This is Part II of my How to Play Double Bid Euchre series which began with How to Play Double Bid Euchre Part I: Basic Gameplay, yesterday and will conclude with How to Play Double Bid Euchre Part III: How to Really Play Double Bid Euchre, tomorrow. Woo. Strategy: Bidding: If you are the first [...]

Players: Four people in teams of two. Your partner should sit across from you. Materials: A pinochle deck or the Ace, King, Queen, Jack, Ten and Nine in all four suits from two regular decks of cards. This means each card will have a duplicate of itself. If you are already confused perhaps you should [...]

I live in an apartment building in Soviet Russia. The building is drafty and reminds me of my time in a gulag I have never been to. Instead of the smell of steaks in passageways, I tend to be assaulted by the smell of boiling cabbage and raw onions. Languages I hear on a daily [...]

Making a Compilation CD [c-CD] is quite an affair. The process is described in detail in several places, some shallower than others. I never make c-CDs for myself. The discs I burn that are composites of artists, aren’t compilations. I just put them on a CD so I can listen to them elsewhere. A c-CD [...]

< –> please note that we are not at all alike. thank you

Sometimes, I’ll do something that I don’t remember how I did it. Sometimes, when that happens, I’ll try to figure out how I did what I did and reach a conclusion that I might have just done something impossible. For example, did I just jump over that counter, or did I walk through it? As [...]

Every morning, one of the first things I do is read the funnies. I do this online using my.yahoo. I read Boondocks, Foxtrot, and Non Sequitur. Since yahoo provides me with plenty of other options to access, I have chosen to take advantage of a few. One of these is the Barnes and Noble Showcase. [...]

The Direct Approach Kill Cat. Make incision from throat to rump. Peel. Corollary: That shirt looks very becoming on you, and if I were on you I’d be coming too.* The Indirect Approach Obtain kitten. Raise kitten into cat. Provide food, toys, veterinary assistance, attention, love. Wait until cat dies. Make incision from throat to [...]

One of the guys in my section Freshman year sent me this email the other day. Hey Harv, I know that I don’t talk to you much any more, and we didn’t really talk much once I moved out of 4B, but I figured that I needed to send you this email. The other day, [...]

a blog entry entitled: “How to be a College Guy” or “How to do Nothing and Love It” wake up to the incessant raucousness of your alarm clock; if it is not yet 2:00pm hit snooze and go back to sleep. when early afternoon rolls around arise groggily, perhaps hungover from your slumber, kick your [...]

Only in Connersville would seeing a enormous-mulleted man riding a child’s bicycle down the road with a fierce look on his face that defiantly resists any admission that he is doing such a thing be a normal sight.

I thought my car had been stolen yesterday. Turns out the University had decided it and 3 other cars needed towing to another parking lot farther away. Why? So a temporary chain link fence could be put up. The reason for the fence is not obvious, it merely partitions part of the lot from the [...]

please fill in the blank at the end of this. There was a head in the shower this morning, its hair clogged the drain and when I picked it up the top came off. I turned it over and on the inside stamped in bright green letters were the words: