Archive for the ‘The Kid’ Category

When Your Son Invents A Panopticon

My son asked me to teach him how to code today. Why? Because he wants to hack his MacBook into a robot that will automatically keep a public tally of every person’s good and bad actions. It will plug into a big box that has a list of all the actions a person might do […]

A Wetting

we are hidden inside while it thunders when you call for me, in the three o’clock dark of my room, I roll off and curl fetal on the far side of the bed to test your temper. You come in, the dog’s eyes are sharper but the sound of your voice fills the room. You […]

He Finally Hit The Ball!

I signed Abraham up for the Old Brooklyn Youth League tee-ball league back in April. Due to an enrollment mix-up he got put into a coach-pitch softball team instead. More than a little bit out of his league. He’s been struggling a bit with the gross motor demands and focus necessary to play on the […]

The Legend of Skeleton Bear

I took the boy camping this weekend. Made up a ghost story about Skeleton Bear the first night, and followed up the second night with an origin story. Spent the intervening time searching Salt Fork State Park for the aforementioned Skeleton Bear. We didn’t talk about or search for The Grassman, because sasquatch stories are […]

High Fives for Highlights High Five

My mom bought a Highlights High Five subscription for Abraham a few years ago. He loves it, and I make sure to leave it in the mailbox for his retrieval each time a new issue arrives. Reading to Abraham is always great fun, but I am quite conscious of how difficult it is to find […]

Whiskey Island

On the first day we’re free to be together, on a beach that won’t be sand anytime soon, I’m sifting weathered bits of glass from the scree. A shadow beside me, you pick at pebbles. We hunker over everything together. A BLAST from the last lift bridge presses air around each leaf on Whiskey Island. […]

A Good Day

I was chastised today for not writing on this thing frequently enough, so here’s what today was like. Bram woke up and crawled into bed with me around 7:15 AM and then I got a call from my mom with a computer issue around 7:30. Washed, breakfasted and bored by 10, we headed to the […]

How Becoming a Parent Changed Me

Becoming a parent does change things. I’ve heard that nearly my entire life, but no one has been able to successfully explain what the hell the statement means. It just rings a bit hollow as an unexplained truism. However! I think I’ve figured out a couple of ways to explain things; or, at least, explain […]

Cleveland Metroparks Train Day 2010

Yesterday Bram and I spent most of the afternoon at Whiskey Island, flying an owl kite, and getting the little bear comfortable playing in the waters of Lake Erie. He enjoyed his “swimming” lesson. The dude is also a chick magnet, as evidenced by the following photo. I took Bram to Train Day today. I intended […]

Guest Blogger

This has been one crazy week. Abraham’s regular babysitter has been in the hospital for over a week now, and he’s been shuttled all over the place (including a new temporary babysitter) until DeeDee is back home. I’ve been baking in every spare moment, and work has been hectic with last-minute high-priority site building. So. […]

Infant Experimentation Project

Now that the infant subject is mobile, I’ve been able to engage it in the second round of my Infant Experimentation Project. I was assisted in these experiments by the infant’s maternal unit. WARNING You are likely to find the following recordings quite boring. Time Trial Mark 1 Summary In which I attempt to gain […]

Abraham Update

Abraham had to be restrained by the police today for the first [and hopefully last] time in his life. A cop helped me buckle him into the shopping cart at the grocery. Eating is sometimes a fraught affair.

Abraham’s First Television Appearance

Abraham and Debbie were impromptu shanghaied into appearing in the November 2004 Presidential Election Cuyahoga County Board of Elections Vote by Mail video a couple of weeks back. Now that it has made its way onto the airwaves and YouTube, he’s officially famous. Debbie looks pretty good too. ROWR.


With all of the stuff I’ve been up to lately, doing a bit of writing has fallen by the wayside. Work on the house is still incomplete, but has slowed down because what remains isn’t critical quite yet. Once all of the painting is complete, and I’ve managed to get all of the doors rehung, […]

The Lord Squirmoculous

Watching Abraham is a never-ending source of fun. At first he had no volition, at all, but here we are three weeks later and he’s already figured out that he has the ability to control his own body. He’s not very good at it, but I can already see some definite human behavior emerging. He’s […]

One Week

Routine Abraham is one week old and I’ve still not managed to get rid of him. I took him to Petco the other day to see if anyone wanted to adopt him. That didn’t work, so I went to Home Depot to try and return him there. Home Depot will take just about anything back […]

The Birth & Aftermath

Chronology Debbie started having frequent contractions on Saturday morning at 5am. We went to the hospital later that afternoon to see what was up, the contractions were about 5 minutes apart. We get to the hospital and, of course, they slow down. After examination, Debbie was still only about 2cm, so they sent us home. […]

Rationed Space

I’ve lived in this house for almost a year and I’m still not moved in. The work on fixing the place up continues, and tomorrow the embiggening of the bathroom and closet [to the dearth of the tiniest bedroom] begins. Since we’re in the process of painting the entry room, this means that 4 of […]

Weekend Update

Yesterday was a bit of a wash in terms of accomplishment. I had some appliances delivered ass-early in the morning, which turned out to be excellent, because by 9am I was at the hospital with Debbie. She’d been having erratic contractions all night and since she’s 32 weeks along Colleen our midwife had us come […]


Apparently, if I behave myself, I’ll be allowed to catch the kid as Debbie pushes him out. I’ve been practicing. A few weeks ago I bought a catcher’s mitt; I’m softening it up with mink oil and keeping it wrapped around a softball to get a nice pocket created for the kid’s head. Catching my […]

Notes, Lately

$110 will get you approximately 250 items of secondhand baby clothes. No one needs to buy us anything resembling a baby cloth for at least the next 9 months. The Bobby website accessibility validator is no longer available online. It is now bundled into a piece of IBM software for purchase only. This makes it […]

Baby Fashionista

Onesy Ideas: An arrow on the front pointing to the mouth with Food written under it; on the backside, an arrow pointing to the butt with Poop written over it. A snake mouth on the bottom half of the onesy; so it looks as if the baby is being eaten. Basic animal onesies, all ferocious […]

Tide Line

13 weeks after tears and trepidation, it happens quickly. You wrought to sound; she the seashell woman you hide inside. The day you first spoke to me; I put my ear to our blood ontology. like first steps, like the sea.