Archive for the ‘Fiction’ Category

At Sterling Pond

At Sterling Pond the reeds are old women whispering; the redwinged blackbird a priest with a martyr’s stole. It will not cease to preach nor the wind kill its wild sermon. This is where you were beautiful all those years ago, when we walked along the shore listening to small waves and tree frogs, hand-in-hand. […]

From A to Z: Some Family Ties

Any brother can dream. Ego fraternity grates his id. “Just kidding!”, laughed my niece, opening presents. Quietly reading, sister turned up very well. Xeroxed years zip.

Android

At the end of another long and apparently fruitless day doing what he did in the fleshpots, the last thing Andro wanted was another maintenance call. But it came anyway, a flashing light glaring into his eyes and a noisome chirrup nesting in his ears. “BLING BLING BLING!” “Fuck.” He put down his burrito, shot […]

Jalopy

There was once a clown who worked at a circus factory that made clown parts. This clown was a quality tester at the factory.

Crossroads: A Parafable

It happened that three men died at the same time. Since this occurred in such a synchronized manner, they decided to travel together to the realm of the dead.

Scarebear

In my dream of an anti-gravity rocketship lived the Scarebear. It was crashlanding on Earth because it was out of solid fuel and its pile drive[r] was fidgety. It was good, [I suppose] that it flopped crunchingly right into the assembly bay of Amalgamator.

Joker

I once knew someone in college who used the jokers from decks of playing cards when he left notes for people. Unfortunately, he was the most boring person I have ever met. I thought the joker was the only creative idea he ever had.

An Open Letter to All Women

Dear, Everything is going to be alright. I finally understand. Yesterday I had an epiphany and reached enlightenment of a sort. I know you are madly in love with me; and that is okay. I’m writing this to tell you that being totally consumed by the fires of your ardor is a good thing. You […]

The Tale of the Snut

Once upon a time, in a galaxy, far, far away, there lived a small and determined band of heroes who fought evil for reasons concerning Truth, Justice and the American Way. Since Truth and Justice are, at best, subjective terms whose definitions change depending on who has power and since no one who they fought […]

Mad Lib Results

Here is the Mad Lib that everyone helped on: There was this wheelbarrow, see. He is the one who did it. No no no. Pay attention. It was yesterday dawn and I was about twenty-six yards from the nearest coffee when suddenly there was this terrible sound. It was like 66 llamas mating in unison […]

Fill in the Blanks

I’m making a sort of Mad Lib thing and you, my dear reader, have to supply me with the missing words. I’ll take what you give me and post them all tomorrow. 1. Thing 2. Time of day 3. Number 4. Noun 5. Number 6. Animal 7. Musical instrument 8. Direction 9. Color 10. Noun […]

The Great Purple Murple

Once Upon a Time there was a monster called the Great Purple Murple. You might have heard of the murple as a small rodentic pet, this was not that kind of murple. This beast was distinguished from the standard household murple by its gigantic size and overwhelming purpleness, and people feared it because of this. […]

Penguin

I once spent an entire day driving a penguin around New York City. I didn’t exactly ask to do this but I’ve been paid to do stranger things. My boss was a six foot four inch Samoan with a chipped incisor and permanently affixed antique aviator glasses. I was only allowed to call him Mr. […]

Mystery Story

Jack was the last one in the office. As usual, as soon as the door cut off the view of Ms. Cramer’s mini-skirted backside, a stream of muttered expletives issued from around the cigarette in his mouth. Too many distractions. Jack spun in his chair and glared out the window at the lone streetlight illuminating […]

Straw

A very long time ago there was a boy named Jerry who had magic. He lived in a brown house in a brown town between a brown river and a snowy grey mountain. No one in the town knew that the Jerry had magic; so he was raised like most boys. When he was hungry […]

Captain Spacepants

Today’s issue of Organic Mechanic magazine features a rare interview with one of the most fascinating and controversial figures in the early twenty-first century. A master of faux pas, feng shui, and the fox trot; the defender of all things tasteless: Captain Spacepants. OM: Captain Spacepants, I must say that it is an honor to […]

The Lord Goat

there was a man who had a goat. this goat was like any other goat. it could eat tin cans and do complex algorithms with little or no paperwork. one day, while the goat was walking around in circles, the man chucked a piece of polyethylene glycol at it – thereby pissing the goat off. […]

assignment: alliterative allegory

my assignment: tell some sort of story [what it is makes no difference] using an alliterative sentence for each letter of the alphabet. Not all sentences have to be alliterative. Also, use a symbol of some sort. i used to sneak secrets between the sheets when i was young. they were thin things, i could […]

I Have No Idea What This Is About

there was dialogue at one point. something to do with the Future…or perhaps Contributions to Society. whatever it was, it was heavy. at least I think so. she would relate to me her insecurities about how to Contribute while still being able to do what she wanted to make her happy, or fulfilled or something. […]

Short Short Thinger II

and it seemed that as soon as i closed my eyes they were open again. but the other side: hel/nirvana/heaven/purgatory/hell whatever you call it, was kind of boring. just shades of dead folks walking around looking apathetic. it sucked. i’d rather expected a par-tay. so i went back. and now i’m stuck, ghostwriting in rather […]

Short Short Thinger

it hurt them more than it hurt me, so of course i would put a brave face on it and lie to their eyes as i told them i was feeling healthier and would see them in the morning. they couldn’t understand that i wanted to die. i was worn out, dying is a rough […]