Quality Reading

Tuesday, 3 June 2003

I love how 'their child' reads so quickly. sort of like when you slip something into a conversation no one is supposed to hear.

Every morn­ing, one of the first things I do is read the fun­nies. I do this on­line us­ing my​.ya​hoo. I read Boondocks, Foxtrot, and Non Sequitur. Since ya­hoo pro­vides me with plen­ty of oth­er op­tions to ac­cess, I have cho­sen to take ad­van­tage of a few. One of the­se is the Barnes and Noble Showcase.

It is most­ly crap. Rarely have I seen a book show­cased that looks even re­mote­ly in­ter­est­ing to some­one who has a smidgen of com­mon sense. This com­ing from a guy [me] who de­vours sci­ence fic­tion and fan­ta­sy nov­els [not to say that is all I read].

The above book takes the cake how­ev­er. What hodge­podge, what fruit­less grasp­ing at a fresh idea, what fail­ure, what atroc­i­ty. Let us ex­am­ine its sell­ing points piece by piece.

A mur­der mys­tery set again­st a re­li­gious con­spir­a­cy the­o­ry

Shit! No one has ever writ­ten any­thing like that. Its pure ge­nius, lets take two dis­tinct themes and ram them to­geth­er with a lit­tle help from a spellcheck­er. But wait, it needs

Leonardo Da Vinci’s paint­ings, Jesus, Mary Magdalene

Yeah, fa­mous dead peo­ple! Sort of re­li­gious dead peo­ple too. And don’t for­get that it is a mur­der mys­tery, so there are at least 4 dead peo­ple in this book. Sweet! People en­joy hearing/​reading about dead peo­ple. Especially fa­mous dead peo­ple. Nevermind Hudson Hawk [Bruce Willis camp hav­ing some­thing vague­ly to do with Leonardo Da Vinci and the Vatican]. Jesus and Mary Magdalene could use a bit of pep­ping up, they are quite dead af­ter all, per­haps we could talk about

their child and the Holy Grail

Jesus and Mary Magdalene had a child! No Shit! The part where Agnus Dei goes whor­ing and knocks up one of his dis­ci­ples must have been edit­ed from the Gospels a bit ear­ly on in the his­to­ry of the Church. Oh yeah, their kid must be dead too, so that makes 5 dead ‘uns.

The movie in­flu­ences keep com­ing as well. The whole romance/​babby thing re­minds me of Scorsese’s Last Temptation of Christ, and hell, every­one has seen The Last Crusade. So this book

mix­es page-turn­ing sus­pense with art his­to­ry, ar­chi­tec­ture, and re­li­gious his­to­ry

How very post­mod­ern. Postmodern garbage. So this wild plot de­scrip­tion is based on fact? Wow. I’ve been blind all the­se years. Perhaps I’m be­ing a bit hasty, I’ve just cri­tiqued a book based on an au­to­mat­ed rec­om­men­da­tion writ­ten by some hooli­gan for my fun­ny pages.

Then again, good lit­er­a­ture nev­er seems to need hooli­gans to pro­mote it. Nor does it need to suck the life out of some per­fect­ly en­ter­tain­ing fliks and mash it all to­geth­er with a soup ladle till it looks quite co­her­ent­ly, like mush. bah! I’ve gone pompous again.