Quality Reading

Tuesday, 3 June 2003

I love how 'their child' reads so quickly. sort of like when you slip something into a conversation no one is supposed to hear.

Every morning, one of the first things I do is read the funnies. I do this online using my​.yahoo. I read Boondocks, Foxtrot, and Non Sequitur. Since yahoo provides me with plenty of other options to access, I have chosen to take advantage of a few. One of these is the Barnes and Noble Showcase.

It is mostly crap. Rarely have I seen a book showcased that looks even remotely interesting to someone who has a smidgen of common sense. This coming from a guy [me] who devours science fiction and fantasy novels [not to say that is all I read].

The above book takes the cake however. What hodgepodge, what fruitless grasping at a fresh idea, what failure, what atrocity. Let us examine its selling points piece by piece.

A murder mystery set against a religious conspiracy theory

Shit! No one has ever written anything like that. Its pure genius, lets take two distinct themes and ram them together with a little help from a spellchecker. But wait, it needs

Leonardo Da Vinci’s paintings, Jesus, Mary Magdalene

Yeah, famous dead people! Sort of religious dead people too. And don’t forget that it is a murder mystery, so there are at least 4 dead people in this book. Sweet! People enjoy hearing/​reading about dead people. Especially famous dead people. Nevermind Hudson Hawk [Bruce Willis camp having something vaguely to do with Leonardo Da Vinci and the Vatican]. Jesus and Mary Magdalene could use a bit of pepping up, they are quite dead after all, perhaps we could talk about

their child and the Holy Grail

Jesus and Mary Magdalene had a child! No Shit! The part where Agnus Dei goes whoring and knocks up one of his disciples must have been edited from the Gospels a bit early on in the history of the Church. Oh yeah, their kid must be dead too, so that makes 5 dead ‘uns.

The movie influences keep coming as well. The whole romance/​babby thing reminds me of Scorsese’s Last Temptation of Christ, and hell, everyone has seen The Last Crusade. So this book

mixes page-​turning suspense with art history, architecture, and religious history

How very postmodern. Postmodern garbage. So this wild plot description is based on fact? Wow. I’ve been blind all these years. Perhaps I’m being a bit hasty, I’ve just critiqued a book based on an automated recommendation written by some hooligan for my funny pages.

Then again, good literature never seems to need hooligans to promote it. Nor does it need to suck the life out of some perfectly entertaining fliks and mash it all together with a soup ladle till it looks quite coherently, like mush. bah! I’ve gone pompous again.