About Giving Up

Sunday, 6 September 2015

Giving up is some­thing I’ve been try­ing to learn the last cou­ple of years. It doesn’t come nat­u­ral­ly to me (or any American, prob­a­bly), but it does take away some chron­ic stres­sors. From a busi­ness stand­point, the things I’ve given up on are all things that have had no re­turn on the in­vest­ment I’ve made try­ing to achieve them. I’m not say­ing that the good things in life must be de­fined in terms of cap­i­tal, but I have lim­it­ed means to in­vest, and so I’ve opt­ed out of mar­kets where I’ve been wast­ing my time.

Relationships

I’ve given up on dat­ing. My last re­la­tion­ship end­ed in February, and in that time I’ve gone on 3 dates, and have been can­celed on or stood up prob­a­bly 9 times. I haven’t even tried since June. I’m a 34 year-old sin­gle dad, which severe­ly lim­its both the avail­able time, and the num­ber of wom­en who might be in­ter­est­ed in me that I am al­so in­ter­est­ed in. For awhile I was go­ing out by my­self, but I be­came en­vi­ous of all the cou­ples I saw. For all the time, mon­ey, and ef­fort I was ex­pend­ing, I was in the same spot. I keep re­view­ing past re­la­tion­ships in hind­sight and sec­ond-guess­ing my de­ci­sion-mak­ing. In my ex­pe­ri­ence, there’s nev­er a clear an­swer when it comes to love.

Friends

I threw a par­ty a few weeks ago and in­vit­ed about a dozen peo­ple that I con­sid­er friends or see on a reg­u­lar ba­sis. Most said they’d come, but on­ly three showed up. A year ago I would have in­vit­ed dozens of peo­ple, but in that time I’ve re­duced my “friend list” from a cou­ple hun­dred to about four dozen. I re­moved every­one who I hadn’t seen or heard from in nine months or more. I’ve al­so pret­ty much stopped us­ing Facebook. I un­fol­lowed every­one left on my friends list, and on­ly use it for mes­sen­ger or events. Drastic, yeah, but if peo­ple want my com­pa­ny, they know how to get in touch. The peo­ple I’m still in touch with, I was in touch with on the reg­u­lar be­fore. I have three folks I’d con­sid­er good friends. We talk week­ly, and did so even be­fore I start­ed ra­dio si­lence.

Life Goals

By now I was hop­ing to be mar­ried, with a fleet of kids, and liv­ing in a nice home that I own. To be set­tled down. Maybe have air con­di­tion­ing. I’ve given up on those goals. I made a cou­ple of poor de­ci­sions in 2007 that ir­rev­o­ca­bly changed my life. I’ve re­signed my­self to be­ing a sin­gle dad; to not hav­ing any more kids; to rent­ing for the rest of my life. The kids piece is the hard­est one for me to rec­on­cile my­self with. As an on­ly child, I al­ways swore that I would have more than one child my­self. Being a dad is the great­est thing that has ever hap­pened to me, but it’s on­ly go­ing to hap­pen on­ce.

So, what?

Having given up on the above, I am bet­ter able to fo­cus and in­vest my en­ergies on be­ing a dad to Abraham, and work­ing hard at my job. After those items are squared away, I’m fair­ly monas­tic. Bike rides, walk­ing my dog, main­tain­ing the house I rent. Trying to sim­pli­fy. If not hap­py, at least con­tent; mind­ful. It is very hard.

6 Ways to Skin a Cat

Wednesday, 26 March 2003

The Direct Approach

  1. Kill Cat.
  2. Make in­ci­sion from throat to rump.
  3. Peel.

Corollary: That shirt looks very be­com­ing on you, and if I were on you I’d be com­ing too.*

The Indirect Approach

  1. Obtain kit­ten.
  2. Raise kit­ten in­to cat.
  3. Provide food, toys, vet­eri­nary as­sis­tance, at­ten­tion, love.
  4. Wait un­til cat dies.
  5. Make in­ci­sion from throat to rump.
  6. Peel.

Corollary: Let her make the first move. Implode.*

The Athletic Approach

  1. Kill cat with golf club.
  2. Make in­ci­sion from throat to rump.
  3. Peel.
  4. Gut cat.
  5. Take catgut and make ten­nis rack­et.
  6. Remove head of cat.
  7. Use as ten­nis ball.

Corollary: (flex­ing) Have you seen the weight­room? Nevermind, I’ll find it.*

The Gourmet Approach

  1. Purchase healthy pure­bred Persian.
  2. Smother with 10M (mo­lar) Trichloromethane (chlo­ro­form).
  3. Boil 10 gal­lons wa­ter.
  4. Boil Persian in wa­ter for 8 hours.
  5. Make in­ci­sion from throat to rump.
  6. Peel.
  7. Have skin made in­to ta­ble runner/​trivet.
  8. Boil cat in­to stew with lentils and long-grain rice.
  9. Serve with but­ter-glazed sweet­rolls on ta­ble trimmed with cat skin.

An op­tion­al New Year’s Day meal. Cat is the new pork.

Corollary: You are my sun, moon, and stars. You are my breath, sight, and life. Each taste, each touch, is noth­ing com­pared to the gift that is you. I would glad­ly sac­ri­fice my goals, as­pi­ra­tions and soul just to get in­to your pants… shit!*

The Humane Approach

  1. Find fer­al cat with fe­line HIV or fe­line leukemia.
  2. Have cat put down.
  3. Send cat to taxi­der­mist.
  4. Taxidermist will make in­ci­sion from throat to rump.
  5. Peel.

Corollary: Set promis­cu­ous girl up with horny friend. She’ll get stuffed.*

The Anarchist Approach

  1. Bury cat up to neck in back­yard.
  2. Fire up rid­ing lawn­mow­er.
  3. Mow back­yard.
  4. Get post­hole dig­ger.
  5. Remove cat.
  6. Make in­ci­sion from throat to rump.
  7. Gut cat.
  8. Fill cav­i­ty with black pow­der.
  9. Light cat’s tail.
  10. Throw at near­est gov­ern­men­tal build­ing.

Corollary: Club her on the head and drag her by her hair in­to your apartment/​cave.*

*does not work well.

Dating Race

Friday, 21 February 2003

i of­ten think that i am too far be­hind in the dat­ing game to ever make a good play of it. res­ig­na­tion fills the air like stale gym socks fill the lock­er room with that stale gym sock smell. (hor­rid sim­i­le in­ten­tion­al). i’ve still no idea what i’m do­ing. pret­ty much ever. every­thing gets re­cy­cled, mas­ti­cat­ed over and over un­til this gru­el that is be­wil­der­ment serves up an­oth­er help­ing of ‘what­ev­er­ness.’ i’m at least com­pe­tent with every oth­er as­pect of my life, and since my life is al­ready one-third fin­ished and set­tling down for the long haul, why rock the dream-boat by at­tempt­ing to force my nerdi­li­cious pre-ado­les­cent knowl­edge of re­la­tion­ships in­to a sem­blance of ma­tu­ri­ty? i’m al­ready too far be­hind the pack to catch up to the strag­glers. how many peo­ple do i know who are get­ting mar­ried? a lot. how much con­fi­dence do i have? { }. The Null Set. what would con­fi­dence get me? per­haps a date in which i would have the chance to pa­rade my ig­no­rance in front of some­one rel­a­tive­ly close to my age with a quite healthy sex life and a work­ing knowl­edge of ‘how this thing is done.’ its like that dream when you are naked at school and its re­al­ly cold out so ‘your boys’ are all shriv­eled and every­one laughs at you be­cause you are naked at school and have a minis­cule penis. ex­cept its not re­al­ly like that. be­cause that is a dream. and this is re­al.