Disassociation

Tuesday, 30 July 2002

i don’t as­so­ciate my­self with my body or my name. my en­ti­ty is con­tent to de­fine it­self mere­ly as psy­che. per­haps that is why i on­ly take care of my ap­pearence when so­ci­ety de­mands i do so. why i shave on­ce a week, in­stead of not at all. why i have mul­ti­ple changes of cloth­ing in­stead of just a few. an­swer­ing to my name is just pavlo­vian re­spon­se, and body lan­guage and small talk cour­te­sies mere­ly mus­cle mem­o­ry guid­ed by my ego in­to what i hope is a non­threat­en­ing ap­pearence. it gives me time to think.

i am in­ter­nal. too much so most like­ly. but my mind is the on­ly thing that can hold my at­ten­tion for more than one mom…look at the pur­ty lights!