Identity Monolectic

Wednesday, 5 February 2003

Something vague­ly Lacanian has been run­ning through my mind the past cou­ple of days. a monolec­tic about iden­ti­ty. when a person’s iden­ti­ty is se­cure, (and by se­cure i mean that the pos­i­tive as­pects that a per­son per­ceives in them­self are val­i­dat­ed, af­firmed and re­it­er­at­ed by some­one else) this en­ables them to re­vis­it the dark mo­ments in their past and learn and heal from them. this re­vis­i­ta­tion is not nos­tal­gic which in ef­fect cre­ates a world that is an ide­o­logue and can­not be re­turned to. the re­vis­i­ta­tion in­stead is tru­ly cathar­tic, the truth is con­front­ed and dealt with in­stead of mythol­o­gized.

the dif­fi­cul­ty is suc­cess­ful­ly chal­leng­ing this trau­ma-mem­o­ry with­out sac­ri­ficing your own iden­ti­ty in re­la­tion to it. that is why you need a bud­dy to reaf­firm and hold on to your self while you are off slay­ing what­ev­er drag­ons are in your past.

i don’t know quite if this is right or not, but i think i have been ei­ther brave or fool­hardy and gone off to wrestle with mem­o­ry with­out hav­ing the nec­es­sary back­up. may­hap, it has made me more in­di­vid­u­al or may­hap this thought is a re­sult of an in­di­vid­u­al­ism that ex­ist­ed be­fore trau­ma was con­front­ed. in any case i’ve a prob­lem with in­di­vid­u­al­ism. but that is an­oth­er sto­ry.

i sup­pose i’ve been suc­cess­ful at the­se con­fronta­tions (if they ac­tu­al­ly hap­pened) oth­er­wise i’d be a bit loony.