Saturday, 20 July 2002

End of the Day

i like being the last person in a building at the end of the day. i get a feeling of mysterious importance, as if i were responsible for maintaining and controlling some sort of secret powerful project. or, as my feet echo through the hallways, i become an interloper, discovering and wondering at the stories held within and expressed by the worn and nicked presence of the building itself. all is quiet and onl my presence gives life and meaning to this place. although i am alone, i am at the same time comforted by the knowledge that we have been before, in this space, and my presence makes those memories continue. everything in this place belongs to me by default as a representative of Those Who Came Before.

this does not follow me outside.

even alone in the night, i am surrounded by the existence of all and my diminution in the face of the universe is comforting rather than alienating. i am of its substance and therefore a part of it, something which can never be taken from me. for even when i cease, i will still be part of It. it reminds me of two distinct things. 1) the Total Perspective Drive from Douglas Adams’ Hitchiker series, in which the person subjected to it is shown their importance compared to that of the rest of the universe. It is meant to destroy that person’s self esteem when they see that they are nothing but a tiny dot among infinity. 2) the Bhagavad-Gita and Krishna’s discussion with Arjuna about how all is contained within Brahma. So if i’m that small compared to everything else, but still Am, then that makes me feel warm and fuzzy because i’m important enough to exists among all that is out there.

for some reason this reminds me, NeaL, i believe you still have some books of mine…if you don’t return them you will “never leave these woods…alive…”

latest search string: ‘condom filled with water ass’

two the two random folks who said howdy over IM last night, i return the salutations. but why, perchance, did you not leave comment? 🙂