Thursday, 19 June 2003

Null Set

i’ve done my part, but nothing has come of it. i have received no sign from her that she might be interested in what i have to offer. i was a good friend, i helped her move out, i wrote to her in Spain, i wrote her a poem, i visited her when she was sick, i listened to her frustrations, i sent her flowers, i tried to woo.

i didn’t get much feedback. we just talked. she never got close, never flirted back. i don’t see how she could not realize that i liked her. perhaps that was still the case, perhaps she did realize but was uninterested and decided that pretending to be ignorant of my attentions was a good way to avoid it, perhaps she does realize, returns the feeling, but is scared like i was, perhaps she is not yet recovered from her last boyfriend. none of that matters. i’ve been told to just tell these girls how i feel, but that is terrible advice. its creepy to hear that, it scares girls off. i know.

i’ve made my effort, and have not even received a negative response, no response definitely hurts less, but is even less constructive.

so i’m done. i wash my hands of the pursuit of her. it hurts a bit because she is quite attractive in so many ways, but without even the slightest reciprocation on her part, i have no impetus to continue.

no lasting relationship is a one way street. how long anything lasts with her, is now up to her. i’ve done more than my share.

I’ve faced the fathoms in your deep
withstood the suitors quiet siege
pulled down the heavens just to please you
appease you
the wind blows and I know

I can’t go on, digging roses from you grave
to linger on, beyond the beyond
where the willows weep
and whirlpools sleep, you’ll find me
the coarse tide reflects sky

The Smashing Pumpkins, Behold! The Night Mare