Beard Accident

Monday, 10 February 2003

–Why are things like this re­ported?

Honestly, it serves only as an ex­pli­ca­tion of cul­tural val­ues in­stead of any­thing re­motely health-re­lated. It is also far too nar­row, deal­ing only with Welsh men. Now, they men­tion that so­cial fac­tors are prob­a­bly the cause of a ma­jor­ity of the dis­eases, ap­par­ently be­cause men that don’t shave reg­u­larly are blue col­lar work­ers that don’t get any. But this is im­me­di­ately dis­missed in fa­vor of the ev­i­dence for shav­ing. and ap­par­ently, not shav­ing reg­u­larly fucks up the testos­terone lev­els which in turn leads to stroke. ex­cuse me, but a beard grows whether or not you shave it. and the lack of sex is most def­i­nitely due to mate ap­pearence pref­er­ences rather than any­thing to do with the phys­i­ol­ogy of fa­cial hair. if a girl doesn’t like fa­cial hair she won’t sleep with you. if fa­cial hair messes up sex­ual viril­ity Homo sapi­ens sapi­ens would have died out long be­fore the first ra­zor. how can peo­ple get 20 years of fund­ing for this when an artist or in­de­pen­dent film­maker has to kiss pim­ply ass and jump through flam­ing hoops blind­folded just to get the chance to ask for money. Stuff like the above ar­ti­cle will de­stroy the world.

why am i so emo­tion­ally in­volved? well, i do have fa­cial hair. i do not get any, and i would much rather think that it is be­cause girls don’t like fa­cial hair rather than the idea that hair makes me im­po­tent. was it not a sign of po­tency back in the day? also the NEA gets axed while 20 year stud­ies on shav­ing get plenty of fund­ing. yeah, the NEA was a US thing and this was in Britain, but they are most def­i­nitely re­lated phe­nom­e­non.


not two min­utes ago af­ter go­ing to the bath­room to trim said fa­cial hair, the elec­tric trim­mer slipped from its se­lected trim­ming length and be­fore i knew it i had taken quite a chunk out of my beard. i had to trim it al­most to obliv­ion. po­etic jus­tice my ass.