Batshit Apace

Tuesday, 26 January 2010

The sheer, unadultered, WTF craziness that is this week continues apace. And it’s only just afternoon on Tuesday. Normally I’d be grouchy as all hell, but I’ve heard so many other relations of grouchiness from friends, family, coworkers and Facebook, that my anthropological observation mechanisms queued up my confirmation bias and now I’m just fascinated with whatever the hell is up with Cleveland right now.

No one slept well last night, or the night before, except for people who were drunk or are usually insomniac. Yesterday, I had to literally sit on Abraham in order to get him clothed, no one had a good day at work, and a vacant house owned by an absentee predatory loan scammer exploded and damaged fifty-​five other homes, and displaced fifteen families.

Today I was verbally abused by a crazy black woman on the bus who nearly sat on me, and then accused me of trying to run her over. She referred to every black person as an animal and every white person as a dirty human. All at the top of her lungs.

However, I just gave blood and now I’m eating leftover chili and a peanut butter sandwich at home.

Eric the Half a Bee

Thursday, 25 April 2002

INT. KEOUGH HALL RM 435. 11:00pm NIGHT.
ok so last night at 11, after being gone from my room since 9 in the morning, i come back home to find the door locked. great, roommate hooking up again…well that hasn’t stopped me before and i want in my damn room. i unlock the door and enter into the surreal “hookup atmosphere” of my room. no lights are on, some sort of softcore porn/​techno music is playing and i can hear the scrumpling of sheets and muffled giggles from his loft. then the surprise. the guy from across the hall is there too. on the couch hooking up with my (stay with me here) roommate’s girlfriend’s best friend from New Hampshire. did i mention surreal? so i drop off my backpack and leave before the world implodes, but not before the guy on the couch asks in the “i just got caught masturbating” tone of voice about the meeting we were both at several hours earlier. exit stage left.

INT. KEOUGH HALL 4B SECTION LOUNGE. 11:23pm NIGHT.
i debrief those in the lounge on the happenstances, and they all agree that it is weird. then a couple of them decide to play a prank. i give my blessing. they unscrew the peephole on the door, tie the door shut so no one can get out, fill a condom with water and squirt it through the peephole into my room. my roommate gets pissed obviously. supposedly one of his books got wet and he has a test the next day. shouldn’t he be studying instead of hooking up in a vaguely orgiastic manner? no one says anything. he makes a comment in reference to me as a 12 year old. still no one speaks. he leaves supposedly to go comfort his woman who is traumatized by the water on the floor.

EXT. GOD QUAD. 11:45pm NIGHT.
singing “eric the half a bee” with steve on the way to get quarterdogs.

INT. KEOUGH HALL RM 435. 12:20am NIGHT
asleep.