Batshit Apace

Tuesday, 26 January 2010

The sheer, unadul­tered, WTF crazi­ness that is this week con­tin­ues apace. And it’s on­ly just af­ter­noon on Tuesday. Normally I’d be grouchy as all hell, but I’ve heard so many oth­er re­la­tions of grouch­i­ness from friends, fam­i­ly, cowork­ers and Facebook, that my an­thro­po­log­i­cal ob­ser­va­tion mech­a­nisms queued up my con­fir­ma­tion bi­as and now I’m just fas­ci­nat­ed with what­ev­er the hell is up with Cleveland right now.

No one slept well last night, or the night be­fore, ex­cept for peo­ple who were drunk or are usu­al­ly in­som­ni­ac. Yesterday, I had to lit­er­al­ly sit on Abraham in or­der to get him clothed, no one had a good day at work, and a va­cant house owned by an ab­sen­tee preda­to­ry loan scam­mer ex­plod­ed and dam­aged fifty-five oth­er homes, and dis­placed fif­teen fam­i­lies.

Today I was ver­bal­ly abused by a crazy black wom­an on the bus who near­ly sat on me, and then ac­cused me of try­ing to run her over. She re­ferred to every black per­son as an an­i­mal and every white per­son as a dirty hu­man. All at the top of her lungs.

However, I just gave blood and now I’m eat­ing left­over chili and a peanut but­ter sand­wich at home.

Eric the Half a Bee

Thursday, 25 April 2002

INT. KEOUGH HALL RM 435. 11:00pm NIGHT.
ok so last night at 11, af­ter be­ing gone from my room since 9 in the morn­ing, i come back home to find the door locked. great, room­mate hook­ing up again…well that hasn’t stopped me be­fore and i want in my damn room. i un­lock the door and en­ter in­to the sur­re­al “hookup at­mos­phere” of my room. no lights are on, some sort of soft­core porn/​techno mu­sic is play­ing and i can hear the scrum­pling of sheets and muf­fled gig­gles from his loft. then the sur­prise. the guy from across the hall is there too. on the couch hook­ing up with my (stay with me here) roommate’s girlfriend’s best friend from New Hampshire. did i men­tion sur­re­al? so i drop off my back­pack and leave be­fore the world im­plodes, but not be­fore the guy on the couch asks in the “i just got caught mas­tur­bat­ing” tone of voice about the meet­ing we were both at sev­er­al hours ear­lier. ex­it stage left.

INT. KEOUGH HALL 4B SECTION LOUNGE. 11:23pm NIGHT.
i de­brief those in the lounge on the hap­pen­stances, and they all agree that it is weird. then a cou­ple of them de­cide to play a prank. i give my bless­ing. they un­screw the peep­hole on the door, tie the door shut so no one can get out, fill a con­dom with wa­ter and squirt it through the peep­hole in­to my room. my room­mate gets pissed ob­vi­ous­ly. sup­pos­ed­ly one of his books got wet and he has a test the next day. shouldn’t he be study­ing in­stead of hook­ing up in a vague­ly or­gias­tic man­ner? no one says any­thing. he makes a com­ment in ref­er­ence to me as a 12 year old. still no one speaks. he leaves sup­pos­ed­ly to go com­fort his wom­an who is trau­ma­tized by the wa­ter on the floor.

EXT. GOD QUAD. 11:45pm NIGHT.
singing “er­ic the half a bee” with steve on the way to get quar­ter­dogs.

INT. KEOUGH HALL RM 435. 12:20am NIGHT
asleep.