Landshire Supreme Chicken Salad Sandwich and Porkies Crispy Fried Pork Rinds

My quest to eat all the crap in the vend­ing machine down­stairs led me to the Land­shire Supreme Chicken Salad Sand­wich, today. I paired this with a bag of Porkies Crispy Fried Pork Rinds.

For $1.85 you receive a 4.5 ounce chicken salad sand­wich. This sand­wich isn’t nearly as stuffed with chicken salad as the pic­ture seems to sug­gest. In fact, I wasn’t quite sure there was any chicken salad between the bread at all. Some­thing was hold­ing the halved slices together though, maybe it was just spe­cific grav­ity. Any­way, when I pulled the slices of bread open there wasn’t much to see. Maybe a lit­tle some­thing that could have been the skin of a red pep­per long long ago, but noth­ing defin­i­tive. The bread was a bit moist, but not quite soggy. Over­all, it wasn’t that bad. Reminded me of infi­nite PBJs from Grab­NGo at Notre Dame.

The Pork Rinds on the other hand… 45¢ for a half ounce of utter shit. I’d never had pork rinds before, because I was intel­li­gent when I was younger. Imag­ine some nasty crotch-​rotting crotch gets cov­ered in bar­be­cue pow­der, deep fried, burned and then the ashes are formed into lit­tle chunks like dried phlegm. I ate prob­a­bly 1⁄4 of the half ounce. I couldn’t make myself con­tinue. *blorf*

This meal wasn’t as excit­ing as the others.

Comments on this post

  1. Matt

    The Land­shire chicken salad on “honey wheat” bread is rel­a­tively inof­fen­sive. Not good, mind you, but it has to be bet­ter than that alleged fish you tried the other day. What kind of chicken salad do you expect for $1.75? One with actual pieces of chicken?

  2. Jeff Hess

    Shalom Adam,

    You know, the guy who did this sort of thing in Super Size Me ended up with liver damage.

    Be care­ful.

    B’shalom,

    Jeff

  3. harvey

    Matt, I think I could get more chicken from a Chikin ‘n a Biskit cracker than in that whole sammich.

    Jeff, I eat health­ily in the evenings and go run­ning, the only thing I’m going to allow to kill my liver is Ketel One, Stoli or Grey Goose.

  4. Daniella

    I saw a guy at work eat a chicken sand­wich from the vend­ing machine. I thought about you. He said it was not “too” bad. It looked really bland, white and soft but after he poured mayo on it, it did not looked so bad. Then I thought, is that why women wear make-​up?

  5. Jeff Hess

    Shalom Daniella,

    Maybe not. But it is the rea­son I think women shouldn’t wear makeup. I hold the per­sonal belief that no woman is quite so beau­ti­ful as she is in the first 30 sec­onds after she wakes up in the morning.

    B’shalom,

    Jeff

  6. Organic/Mechanic

    […] Y’all thought I’d decided to stop eat­ing crap from the vendy didn’t you? Well, you were wrong. Today I spent a whop­ping $1.50 on the worst hot dog I’ve ever had. Even worse than Big AZ Bubba Twins, and that is say­ing some­thing. I’d another rel­a­tively inof­fen­sive expe­ri­ence with Land­shire prod­ucts, and their record cur­rently stands at 0−1−1. […]