Pierre Foods Fast Choice® Pizza Charbroil with Cheese

The vendy is al­most emp­ty this Friday. Someone, oth­er than me, has been eat­ing stuff from it. I hy­poth­e­size that the folks work­ing all night on the 4th floor are to blame. All that was left in the ma­chine were things I’d al­ready eat­en [Muffin, Chicken Salad, Pickle] ex­cept for a chimichanga and what I end­ed up choos­ing to­day, Pierre Foods Fast Choice® Pizza Charbroil with Cheese.

First, a lit­tle more about Pierre Foods. Did you know that

Pierre Foods is a mem­ber of many in­dus­try or­ga­ni­za­tions in­clud­ing:

American Meat Insitute
Canadian Food & Beverage Association
National Association of Truck Stop Operators
and the NRA

and that their

…man­u­fac­tur­ing process­es are con­duct­ed un­der Hazard Analysis Critical Control Point (HACCP) prin­ci­ples and mon­i­tor­ing pro­grams. HACCP in con­junc­tion with a so­phis­ti­cat­ed mi­cro­bi­o­log­i­cal mon­i­tor­ing pro­gram of en­vi­ron­men­tal, equip­ment, and fin­ished prod­uct test­ing pro­vides the as­sur­ance for [their] cus­tomer that they will re­ceive safe, whole­some, high qual­i­ty prod­ucts.

Fully cook­ing [their] prod­ucts de­stroys harm­ful bac­te­ria and ac­tu­al flame broil­ing and sear­ing with a bran­der gives our char­broiled prod­ucts a de­li­cious “fresh off the grill” fla­vor. Graduated su­per­heat­ed air ranges from 1000 F to 300 F pro­vid­ing su­pe­ri­or tex­ture and col­or. The prod­ucts are Individually Quick Frozen (IQF) to lock in fla­vor and as­sure shelf life. All of this en­sures a con­sis­tent qual­i­ty prod­uct that is sure to sat­is­fy every time.

That last block­quote sounds like some­thing out of an ap­plied nu­clear physics lab. All of that ef­fort goes in to each sack of crap that I buy from the vendy. All that work, and it ends in fail­ure every time.

The Pierre Foods Fast Choice® Pizza Charbroil with Cheese is de­scribed as a

Seasoned, flame­broiled beef pat­ty topped with Italian piz­za sauce and one slice of moz­zarel­la cheese on a sesame seed bun.

I wasn’t quite cer­tain how one would char­broil a piz­za, but I should have count­ed on Pierre Foods to be one step ahead of me in cre­at­ing a piz­za fla­vored ham­burg­er. This bug­ger cost me $1.65 and weighed in at 5.2 ounces. The piz­za sauce looked like some­thing scraped off the bot­tom of a dump­ster be­hind the worst Pizza Pan in ex­is­tence. The moz­zarel­la slice was un­seen un­til it start­ed ooz­ing out of the bun and looked like steam­ing spunk. The bun had the “full di­a­per” feel­ing that every Pierre Foods prod­uct seems to have and the sesame seeds could have eas­i­ly been bee lar­vae. It tast­ed like a gravy/​pizza fla­vored cig­a­rette. This is the sec­ond worst thing I’ve eat­en from the vend­ing ma­chine. And it sup­plied me with 47% of my RDA of sat­u­rat­ed fat. The rest of the nu­tri­tion in­fo is here.

6 thoughts on “Pierre Foods Fast Choice® Pizza Charbroil with Cheese

  1. i love read­ing your vend­ing ma­chine ad­ven­tures adam. you are for sure a tougher man than i. i cant help but laugh every time you eat some­thing new.

  2. I just took a bite of the most foul thing I have put in my mouth. (late­ly) What was I think­ing buy­ing the chick­en sand­wich from the gas sta­tion? Well, I knew it would suck, but not to the point that I would google Pierre foods so I can call and com­plain. Worst three dol­lars ever spent. Please, DONT do it!!!!!!!!

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