Pierre Foods Fast Choice® Pizza Charbroil with Cheese

The vendy is almost empty this Friday. Someone, other than me, has been eating stuff from it. I hypothesize that the folks working all night on the 4th floor are to blame. All that was left in the machine were things I’d already eaten [Muffin, Chicken Salad, Pickle] except for a chimichanga and what I ended up choosing today, Pierre Foods Fast Choice® Pizza Charbroil with Cheese.

First, a little more about Pierre Foods. Did you know that

Pierre Foods is a member of many industry organizations including:

American Meat Insitute
Canadian Food & Beverage Association
National Association of Truck Stop Operators
and the NRA

and that their

…manufacturing processes are conducted under Hazard Analysis Critical Control Point (HACCP) principles and monitoring programs. HACCP in conjunction with a sophisticated microbiological monitoring program of environmental, equipment, and finished product testing provides the assurance for [their] customer that they will receive safe, wholesome, high quality products.

Fully cooking [their] products destroys harmful bacteria and actual flame broiling and searing with a brander gives our charbroiled products a delicious “fresh off the grill” flavor. Graduated superheated air ranges from 1000 F to 300 F providing superior texture and color. The products are Individually Quick Frozen (IQF) to lock in flavor and assure shelf life. All of this ensures a consistent quality product that is sure to satisfy every time.

That last blockquote sounds like something out of an applied nuclear physics lab. All of that effort goes in to each sack of crap that I buy from the vendy. All that work, and it ends in failure every time.

The Pierre Foods Fast Choice® Pizza Charbroil with Cheese is described as a

Seasoned, flamebroiled beef patty topped with Italian pizza sauce and one slice of mozzarella cheese on a sesame seed bun.

I wasn’t quite certain how one would charbroil a pizza, but I should have counted on Pierre Foods to be one step ahead of me in creating a pizza flavored hamburger. This bugger cost me $1.65 and weighed in at 5.2 ounces. The pizza sauce looked like something scraped off the bottom of a dumpster behind the worst Pizza Pan in existence. The mozzarella slice was unseen until it started oozing out of the bun and looked like steaming spunk. The bun had the “full diaper” feeling that every Pierre Foods product seems to have and the sesame seeds could have easily been bee larvae. It tasted like a gravy/pizza flavored cigarette. This is the second worst thing I’ve eaten from the vending machine. And it supplied me with 47% of my RDA of saturated fat. The rest of the nutrition info is here.

6 thoughts on “Pierre Foods Fast Choice® Pizza Charbroil with Cheese

  1. i love reading your vending machine adventures adam. you are for sure a tougher man than i. i cant help but laugh every time you eat something new.

  2. I just took a bite of the most foul thing I have put in my mouth. (lately) What was I thinking buying the chicken sandwich from the gas station? Well, I knew it would suck, but not to the point that I would google Pierre foods so I can call and complain. Worst three dollars ever spent. Please, DONT do it!!!!!!!!

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