A Very Bad Thing

Sunday, 10 February 2002

Well the week­end is over and it is time for me to get back to work. I spent way too much mon­ey on Magic cards, but I did man­age to get my fix. I had trou­ble sleep­ing last night. I on­ly slept for 6 and a half hours in­stead of longer as is my wont. I’m still kin­da tired but I know I won’t be able to go back to sleep. Jamie’s friend Laura came to vis­it her this week­end, and I was in­tro­duced. She goes to the University of Arizona and is very pret­ty. Actually, they both are; and nice to boot. I need to find a girl like Jamie or Laura. They would prob­a­bly tell me that en­tails mov­ing to California, which I have no in­ten­tion of do­ing. So I guess I’m screwed. Anyway, it was good to talk with Jamie again, brief as it was. We haven’t spent much time to­geth­er this se­mes­ter, most­ly by my choice I guess. It is hard to hang out with some­one you know is good for you and you are at­tract­ed to but at the same time re­al­ize that there is no chance at all of any­thing more than friend­ship. There is noth­ing wrong with friend­ship ex­cept when one per­son ex­pects more from it than is vi­able. That leads to dis­sat­is­fac­tion. A very bad thing. My ex­pec­ta­tions need sort­ed out and/​or reeval­u­at­ed. Notre Dame is not a good place for me. I do not like it here. It is in­ef­fec­tu­al in stim­u­lat­ing me, the peo­ple here are su­per­fi­cial­ly nice but not tru­ly in­ter­est­ed in de­vel­op­ing re­la­tion­ships. The so­cial life is stag­nant and im­ma­ture. This place should be called Notre Lame. The ed­u­ca­tion is ex­cel­lent but I think part of col­lege in­volves so­cial de­vel­op­ment and the par­a­digm here seems to cre­ate a strange and asym­met­ric per­son who is in­ca­pable of in­ter­act­ing in an adult man­ner so­cial­ly while be­ing a pro­fes­sion­al in busi­ness mat­ters. I should have gone to a state school. I’ve got Mass, lot­sa home­work and a group meet­ing to­day, plus I must needs call me mud­da. Ergo, I va­moose. Adiós.