Y’all thought I’d decided to stop eating crap from the vendy didn’t you? Well, you were wrong. Today I spent a whopping $1.50 on the worst hot dog I’ve ever had. Even worse than Big AZ Bubba Twins, and that is saying something. I’d another relatively inoffensive experience with Landshire products, and their record currently stands at 0–1‑1.
I would like to go on the record saying that no item purchased from a vending machine can be legitimately called “gourmet.” Similarly, there is no such thing as a “gourmet” hot dog. The Landshire Supreme Gourmet All Beef Hot Dog was also two days past its expiration date. Much like the Bubba Twins, it has a money-back guarantee, although only a full refund, not double the money back. The packaging encouraged me to visit the Landshire website, but much of it hasn’t been updated since 2002. This leads me to believe that most of their food must date from that time as well. This hot dog was 3.5 ounces and cooks in the microwave for approximately one minute, or however long it takes for the plastic wrapping to melt into the sesame seed bun. The bun itself was about as tough and leathery as a smoker’s lung and the beef in the hot dog probably came from a lockjawed guinea pig. I didn’t find any actual information on this item on the Landshire site, but I did find this picture of a man shoveling shit into his own mouth, which seemed appropriate for both their site and my behavior.
The hot dog’s nutritional content wasn’t that bad, a mere 14g of fat and 560mg of sodium. I’m glad I had a bowl of Kashi this morning. I heartily recommend that none of you folks reading this attempt to ever eat anything out of a refrigerated vending machine.
Adam,
Ever tried al fresco all natural chicken sausage? You can get them at the grocery store and come in various flavors. I like the Sweet apple with Vermont maple syrop but the spicy jalepenos are also pretty tasty. You could convince yourself that it is a hot dog and by wrapping it in cellophane pretend that you bought it at the vending machine.
Chicken Sausage? My mind boggles. Also, what is this “grocery store” of which you speak? Are you saying it is possible to feed oneself by other means than pumping quarters into the Automat?
Ahh..it warms my heart to see this tradition carrying on without me there to goad you 😉
As for gourmet hot dogs, there’s a place in New York which sells Veal hot dogs. Don’t get more gourmet than that 😉 (now..who the hell would pay the $$ for a hot dog made from veal is anyone’s guess)
You better get your ass down to Coney Island and get a Nathan’s hot dog from the original stand.
Nice to hear from Pathick “Le Chef” how about telling us what is happening in the big city?